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for The Pyres and the Burned

10/5/2008 c2 JaveHarron
A small grammatical note: "An 'outrages' price," but then again...

Aside from that, it is good to see some more world building. But I have some questions regarding certain events: "Suddenly, a wizard’s magic engulfed the area..." What does the 'magic' look like? How does it act? What are the sounds? What kind of spell is it? Does Brenn have training able to help identify what it is (or just experience from seeing it before). He recognizes Death Squads and is an Adept, so some knowledge of wizards and magic (at least how different spells look/act and what they do) is logical.
10/4/2008 c1 JaveHarron
You have an interesting premise so far, but a few comments. "He had lived almost all of his life in Mountain City; it was a safe refuge for users of magic and free thinkers." This line is mentioned in between descriptions of how the Guild crushes dissent. Unless there was meant to be some cognitive dissonance there (given the environment, seems likely). Hoping to see more.
10/3/2008 c1 10Crownbreaker
Well, I'll definitely be keeping an eye on this. You've already got a tension set up, an interesting goal for the main character, and it is rather cryptic, which I like. The setting also looks pretty cool already.

One bit of criticism: "Brenn saw the truth in those words."

This line is perhaps a little to confusing. I'm not sure if you meant to to be ambiguous, or just to imply that Brenn literally observed that there was no one else in the room. If the former, I don't think it is well set up, and if the later I feel it's excessively dramatic.

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