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for Recharge Me

8/13/2010 c1 5The Image keeper
its cute and i know wa you mean ^^)
2/21/2010 c1 26Mirabella
I think this works well as we live in a modern electronic era, so well done. :)
1/7/2010 c1 6Kalista Jia
This poem is amazing! It's so unique! (well to me, it is unique!)

Battery low, recharge required

(It makes me jerk for a second, because my mouse battery was low and I have to recharge it. It feels like they just spoke! LOL)

Please, please, show me the way

before I am replaced with the

newest high-tech model.

(It makes me feel bad for all the appliances that were replaced. T-T Even though this poem is a metaphor for probably someone's feeling.)

Really cool poem!
12/5/2009 c1 57JC-Saved-Me
Wow so I haven't been on fictionpress for quite some time and this poem is the first one I read when I return to this site. I loved it! :) Definitely a favourite.
9/19/2009 c1 36Kate Marshall
I really like the first two lines. "Battery low, recharge required" sets the theme well. The 'tone' sounds like it's actually from a computer or something. A neat thought. It's so consistent. :)

In the second stanza, "...so I'm not constantly fading" sounded a little weird to me. A little... flat? I think a semicolon and "I'm constantly fading" would sound better. Something along that line. A contrast would make it more interesting; as is, the line's too much of a statement to really pop out. (I think that makes sense.)

"before I am replaced with the newest high-tech model." I love this ending! It's so materialistic; I think that emphasizes your point in the poem nicely, and it sounds lovely, too. ;)

People overlook form sometimes in poems. This poem is very 'clean' and organized well. So I appreciate that.

Congrats on first place in the RM!

Review Squader for the Review Marathon,

9/6/2009 c1 9LoonyLuna
Wow it was great! I would never think of a metaphor like that! Well done..
8/19/2009 c1 jojoba-music-girl
I thought the last stanza was refreshing! It makes the piece more light! Hope you're feeling better now, though ;-)
8/18/2009 c1 124in theory
The shape of this poem struck me; it looks like one of those ancient little cyber pets (aka as tamagotchis?)

Even though the summary refers to you, I "heard" the narrative voice as the voice of some little electronic pet, dependent on batteries even more than humans (but then I understood this as a metaphor within a metaphor).

Nice work.
7/29/2009 c1 12BlackestOpal
This metaphor would be a little cheesy, but I think that you pull it off pretty well.

I like the simple line of "I don’t want to die". It says the most, I think.

The last two lines are also interesting. I guess that's what a lot of us are afraid of, being replaced.
5/26/2009 c1 fleur de l'est
I liked the metaphor, but some of the lines, especially the middle verse, seemed a little cliched.
5/5/2009 c1 1crazyman12
I agree that this metaphor is a bit cliche, but you made it work just the same.

I especially enjoyed the last stanza: "please, please, show me the way / before I am replaced with the / newest high-tech model." This was an amazing line! You turned the cliche metaphor into something that was entirely your own.

Overall this was a fantastic piece. great work.

~Habs :)
4/25/2009 c1 Chasing Skylines
(Working my way down your profile now, haha).

Hahaha, I liked this, I found it sort of humorous.

It was straightforward in what's happening to the narrator, but who the narrator is is up to interpretation, which I like. For all I know, it could be taken literally and the narrator is actually a robot who escaped and can't recharge itself. Or "energy" could be a metaphor for something else; love, perhaps.

I did think the usage of the words "high-tech" was sort of awkward, though it tied in with the rest of the poem. It's probably the reason for the literal interpretation of the narrator being a robot, haha.

- Review Marathon, link in profile.
4/5/2009 c1 4The-Golden-Hour
oh,kol =P
2/3/2009 c1 5Narc
Wow! This is really good, and I don't even like poetry! I guess I like how simple and straightforward it is. You should really consider trying to get this published in a lit magazine or something. :)
1/5/2009 c1 1LeonAle
I really enjoyed the metaphors in this poem. As I read, I could relate to the feeling of being exhausted (or in this case, being low on battery). The poem seemed very brief, yet it was precise and told me a lot in several short phrases.

I'm not sure what constructive criticism I could give you; it seems that everything is all right here. Overall, it was very interesting to read!
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