for Gone
710/9/2008 c1 Playing Games
It's funny that you write this from a point of view, where you don't care, but it seems that on a more internal level you do. I feel this way about myself a lot of the time, so I can relate, and it is good writing. The only thing that bugs me is that the end seems a little misplaced. The "oops" is a little childish, but that's just my opinion, and it came a little quick. The rest of the piece is really mature and vivid, though. Good work.
It's funny that you write this from a point of view, where you don't care, but it seems that on a more internal level you do. I feel this way about myself a lot of the time, so I can relate, and it is good writing. The only thing that bugs me is that the end seems a little misplaced. The "oops" is a little childish, but that's just my opinion, and it came a little quick. The rest of the piece is really mature and vivid, though. Good work.