for Defining12/2/2008 c1 Stardrag
I was about to do the other one, but I decided to go with this one since it didn't have as many reviews...
Liked:
1. I don't want to sound dumb or whatever, but this book really got me thinking about life, and every gear that goes in it and makes it move. I felt like I was sitting with her at dinner, or feeling weird about my drawings! Maybe because people used to do that to me to...whatever! We need more things like this that get us off our asses and force us to move forward. In other words, descriptive.
2. I liked how you defined the words and meaning of Adam and eve...I don't know what to say for him either XD! I'm not christian either. I think I actually may change because of this. In this case informative. Especially on how the others felt and acted around the character.
Bad
1. Nothing really, but some of your tenses are off. Nothing a little skim through won't fix.
~SD
Ps. Thanks for the two word course in Arabic!
I was about to do the other one, but I decided to go with this one since it didn't have as many reviews...
Liked:
1. I don't want to sound dumb or whatever, but this book really got me thinking about life, and every gear that goes in it and makes it move. I felt like I was sitting with her at dinner, or feeling weird about my drawings! Maybe because people used to do that to me to...whatever! We need more things like this that get us off our asses and force us to move forward. In other words, descriptive.
2. I liked how you defined the words and meaning of Adam and eve...I don't know what to say for him either XD! I'm not christian either. I think I actually may change because of this. In this case informative. Especially on how the others felt and acted around the character.
Bad
1. Nothing really, but some of your tenses are off. Nothing a little skim through won't fix.
~SD
Ps. Thanks for the two word course in Arabic!
12/2/2008 c1 Carus
I really liked the way you introduced the fact that the main character is Muslim slowly, not making it obvious. When the first arabic was spoken I was like - okay, where are they from? What sort of religion? Hmm... It was good because it made me think ;)
One thing that I think could be improved in this is the ending. I think it seems a bit rushed - I got the impression earlier on that Vinny was a bully who would go on and on and on...not one who would give up easily. And also I was confused over Liela's sudden hope that she will 'rehabilitate' herself. But she may have just snapped.
I really liked reading this story. The criticism I mentioned before is really minor. I think overall this is really good, with interesting themes that aren't shoved into your face.
-Amy
I really liked the way you introduced the fact that the main character is Muslim slowly, not making it obvious. When the first arabic was spoken I was like - okay, where are they from? What sort of religion? Hmm... It was good because it made me think ;)
One thing that I think could be improved in this is the ending. I think it seems a bit rushed - I got the impression earlier on that Vinny was a bully who would go on and on and on...not one who would give up easily. And also I was confused over Liela's sudden hope that she will 'rehabilitate' herself. But she may have just snapped.
I really liked reading this story. The criticism I mentioned before is really minor. I think overall this is really good, with interesting themes that aren't shoved into your face.
-Amy
11/19/2008 c1 x
Ugh... this was so good until the last part. When Vinny suddenly turns around and becomes "good"...painfully cheesy
Ugh... this was so good until the last part. When Vinny suddenly turns around and becomes "good"...painfully cheesy
11/12/2008 c1 
13blurrylights
That was so well written...I understand race and prejudice, but not anorexia. But still, I got the meaning, and really enjoyed this piece. Awesome work. :)
13blurrylightsThat was so well written...I understand race and prejudice, but not anorexia. But still, I got the meaning, and really enjoyed this piece. Awesome work. :)
10/27/2008 c1 233siphoned afterglow
Hey are you from the middle east or any other country from around here? I live in Bahrain which is also a muslim country...but i'm indian by origin.
anyway, i love this. there is so much of racial tension still going on and people just ignore it. i love how this was written. i would love to write something like this.
and what is with mothers and news? My mom does the same-reading and watching the news all day taking in every bit of information..its crazy. ;)
Well done.
233siphoned afterglowHey are you from the middle east or any other country from around here? I live in Bahrain which is also a muslim country...but i'm indian by origin.
anyway, i love this. there is so much of racial tension still going on and people just ignore it. i love how this was written. i would love to write something like this.
and what is with mothers and news? My mom does the same-reading and watching the news all day taking in every bit of information..its crazy. ;)
Well done.
10/20/2008 c1 pete's sake delete the account
Chickadee, I loved this. It's wonderful.
You have a way of making characters matter very deeply after just a short amount of words.
Chickadee, I loved this. It's wonderful.
You have a way of making characters matter very deeply after just a short amount of words.
10/20/2008 c1 haruku
Omo.
I LOVE this oneshot to bits and pieces! This is really good.
Especially that one moment in the library with her mom. That part just feel so surreal.
You've also made the narrator somewhat easy to relate to. I like how you haven't outright stated what her problem is, and instead, slowly revealed the issue.
And I'm utterly amazed by how you managed to connect anorexia, racism, and slice-of-life together. It makes for an unbelievably good read. I like this as much as the Renee story.
:]
Omo.
I LOVE this oneshot to bits and pieces! This is really good.
Especially that one moment in the library with her mom. That part just feel so surreal.
You've also made the narrator somewhat easy to relate to. I like how you haven't outright stated what her problem is, and instead, slowly revealed the issue.
And I'm utterly amazed by how you managed to connect anorexia, racism, and slice-of-life together. It makes for an unbelievably good read. I like this as much as the Renee story.
:]
10/18/2008 c1 871no.peace.los.angeles
Wow, this piece is just gorgeous. You're a very good writer, and the fact that this is a true story just makes it so much more powerful. I haven't had to deal with the exact issues in this, but I do know how it feels to be an outcast, and then get that rush of power. It is an amazing feeling. This story was just fantastic. Adding it to my favorites. Keep writing! :)
871no.peace.los.angelesWow, this piece is just gorgeous. You're a very good writer, and the fact that this is a true story just makes it so much more powerful. I haven't had to deal with the exact issues in this, but I do know how it feels to be an outcast, and then get that rush of power. It is an amazing feeling. This story was just fantastic. Adding it to my favorites. Keep writing! :)
10/15/2008 c1 Unknown Survivor
Wow. That was really well done. Nice job. (:
p.s. Thanks for the review.
~Unknown Survivor
Wow. That was really well done. Nice job. (:
p.s. Thanks for the review.
~Unknown Survivor
10/14/2008 c1 4GrannyP
Wow, some very powerful, personal-sounding stuff here. And I also want to punch Vinny in the balls, except that I'm sure he doesn't have any. Got 'em.
Anyway, I definitely like how you put all the issues together, because in real life, things happen like that. Everything is connected in our lives. Though not as impressive sounding, my big combination was moving, band geek drama, and acne. Yes, I might be insane. But if I am, then everyone around me is also. And possibly just dumb.
I've completely gotten off topic now.
4GrannyPWow, some very powerful, personal-sounding stuff here. And I also want to punch Vinny in the balls, except that I'm sure he doesn't have any. Got 'em.
Anyway, I definitely like how you put all the issues together, because in real life, things happen like that. Everything is connected in our lives. Though not as impressive sounding, my big combination was moving, band geek drama, and acne. Yes, I might be insane. But if I am, then everyone around me is also. And possibly just dumb.
I've completely gotten off topic now.
10/14/2008 c1 13Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Heya there. It's me again. :) Anyway, glad to see that you're up on a new story. :) And sucks to know that you've been through what was in this story. I really like the way on how you don't associate anorexia with vanity. I guess it's really a complicated situation here. And yeah, I guess racism is still about. I've read a report where in America, the whites there are mostly racists on a sub-conscious level from all the tests the researchers have done. Not to mention that we all have seen how dumb people can get for just associating Islam with terrorism. That's the lamest logic I've ever seen and for some weird reasons, right wingers have a high tendency to do that. I really went wtf at some random retards calling Obama an Arab, Muslim, terrorist or just any other lame shit that can only be thought up by morons. tbh, the whole thing is pretty scary not to mention the Fitna movie, which was the lamest shit ever to grace recent history. :S No wonder my churchmate said that a third of the world's population are fools. To me though, it's three quarter by estimation. Wow, it really seems that I really has gone on a ranting and raving spree here. Anyway, thanks for all the reviews you sent for my stories and I hope to see more of your reviews for my stories soon. Bye! :)
13Tsumujikaze no SoujutsuHeya there. It's me again. :) Anyway, glad to see that you're up on a new story. :) And sucks to know that you've been through what was in this story. I really like the way on how you don't associate anorexia with vanity. I guess it's really a complicated situation here. And yeah, I guess racism is still about. I've read a report where in America, the whites there are mostly racists on a sub-conscious level from all the tests the researchers have done. Not to mention that we all have seen how dumb people can get for just associating Islam with terrorism. That's the lamest logic I've ever seen and for some weird reasons, right wingers have a high tendency to do that. I really went wtf at some random retards calling Obama an Arab, Muslim, terrorist or just any other lame shit that can only be thought up by morons. tbh, the whole thing is pretty scary not to mention the Fitna movie, which was the lamest shit ever to grace recent history. :S No wonder my churchmate said that a third of the world's population are fools. To me though, it's three quarter by estimation. Wow, it really seems that I really has gone on a ranting and raving spree here. Anyway, thanks for all the reviews you sent for my stories and I hope to see more of your reviews for my stories soon. Bye! :)
10/13/2008 c1 StopThisSong
I loved it. So much emotion in one piece, and once I finished, I felt satisfied as a reader. You did a brilliant job!
I loved it. So much emotion in one piece, and once I finished, I felt satisfied as a reader. You did a brilliant job!
10/13/2008 c1 brownchristine8
...I've never seen anything like that.
I'm sorry people have treated you that way. It's not right.
...I've never seen anything like that.
I'm sorry people have treated you that way. It's not right.