for Take Your Suicide Pills10/17/2012 c1 
1123MintLemonde
This is probably the greatest story I have ever read on this website. It is mind-blowingly emotional, and meaningful, and somewhat depressing, and.. just... wow.
1123MintLemondeThis is probably the greatest story I have ever read on this website. It is mind-blowingly emotional, and meaningful, and somewhat depressing, and.. just... wow.
1/14/2011 c1 16a-random-writer
Very interesting concept. Your way of describing everything drew me in. Definitely going into my favs(:
-random, from the roadhouse
16a-random-writerVery interesting concept. Your way of describing everything drew me in. Definitely going into my favs(:
-random, from the roadhouse
12/29/2009 c1 58Inkspilled
Wow, this was intense, strong and vivid. It had a lot of meaning and a very interesting concept. Everything described, I could see in a very cinematic style. I like it, good job.
58InkspilledWow, this was intense, strong and vivid. It had a lot of meaning and a very interesting concept. Everything described, I could see in a very cinematic style. I like it, good job.
12/18/2009 c1 1Mr.Frownz
This story has a dark, gloomy overtone that makes you want to keep reading. I loved it
1Mr.FrownzThis story has a dark, gloomy overtone that makes you want to keep reading. I loved it
9/6/2009 c1 128vitriolicvermilion
Wow. A disturbing insight into the human condition.
Both well-thought and thought-provoking, this is quite a gem.
Found it on the Hype board, and I am glad I did.
128vitriolicvermilionWow. A disturbing insight into the human condition.
Both well-thought and thought-provoking, this is quite a gem.
Found it on the Hype board, and I am glad I did.
7/16/2009 c1 Xx-Angel-of-Shadows-xX
That...is...so sad..
But I commend you for writing it, it's beautifully written.
Only problem is, you confuse your tenses quite a lot.
e.g. "I wake up" followed by "I watched." -f "I feel" -"I sunk"
Apart from that, well done!
Keep writing!
~Star~
That...is...so sad..
But I commend you for writing it, it's beautifully written.
Only problem is, you confuse your tenses quite a lot.
e.g. "I wake up" followed by "I watched." -f "I feel" -"I sunk"
Apart from that, well done!
Keep writing!
~Star~
6/12/2009 c1 115ArekuKawaii
The beginning confused me a little, but once I got into it I started to like it.
The ending was intense with all the vivid imagery of the death. I could truely see the scene you were presenting.
The ending however, if the character was taking more pills would they not forget why they are taking them again? Just a thought.
Otherwise, good job.
Areku
115ArekuKawaiiThe beginning confused me a little, but once I got into it I started to like it.
The ending was intense with all the vivid imagery of the death. I could truely see the scene you were presenting.
The ending however, if the character was taking more pills would they not forget why they are taking them again? Just a thought.
Otherwise, good job.
Areku
10/23/2008 c1 CassieThomas
This was very well done. Scary and depressing but beautifully written. It's the good kind of confusing, too.
This was very well done. Scary and depressing but beautifully written. It's the good kind of confusing, too.
10/19/2008 c1 1Alleks
Holy cannoli. I greatly enjoyed this. You word things in a way that sucks the reader into relating and realizing what the narrator is going through without ever having been through it. And your use of dramatic irony was well placed.
A few edits needed here and there, but not much. Such as: "brushing my teeth for washing my face". Also, when the narrator says "I Smell static.", is this an example of the groggy brain confusing the senses from ill-use, or is it just a mistake? I think it would've been clearer that it was intentional if you added another after that.
But all around, very powerful.
1AlleksHoly cannoli. I greatly enjoyed this. You word things in a way that sucks the reader into relating and realizing what the narrator is going through without ever having been through it. And your use of dramatic irony was well placed.
A few edits needed here and there, but not much. Such as: "brushing my teeth for washing my face". Also, when the narrator says "I Smell static.", is this an example of the groggy brain confusing the senses from ill-use, or is it just a mistake? I think it would've been clearer that it was intentional if you added another after that.
But all around, very powerful.
10/18/2008 c1 10Caecilia
[to, three round pills on a Petri dish] you could put a semicolon there, instead of a comma. Unless you don't like semicolons...
Wow. This is amazing writing. Seriously. Very powerful, I like the lack of dialogue.
Gorgeous, absolutely spectacular.
~Cae, the Roadhouse
10Caecilia[to, three round pills on a Petri dish] you could put a semicolon there, instead of a comma. Unless you don't like semicolons...
Wow. This is amazing writing. Seriously. Very powerful, I like the lack of dialogue.
Gorgeous, absolutely spectacular.
~Cae, the Roadhouse
10/14/2008 c1 5Maplewing
Dang, that was awesome! xD
I like the lack of dialogue- it's a nice change. Besides, the description definetly makes up for it. I could picture things nicely. My only criticism is that you switched tenses in the third section. But that is all.
I never thought of water that way, either. Great story! :D
5MaplewingDang, that was awesome! xD
I like the lack of dialogue- it's a nice change. Besides, the description definetly makes up for it. I could picture things nicely. My only criticism is that you switched tenses in the third section. But that is all.
I never thought of water that way, either. Great story! :D
10/13/2008 c1 2Zodian
I really liked this story. At the end of the story though I was wondering whether or not it was better for the main character to be taking the meds. I guess you were using the pills to represent the things we use in modern society to distract us from the negative realities/excesses of our society.
I loved this. Keep up the amazing work!
2ZodianI really liked this story. At the end of the story though I was wondering whether or not it was better for the main character to be taking the meds. I guess you were using the pills to represent the things we use in modern society to distract us from the negative realities/excesses of our society.
I loved this. Keep up the amazing work!
10/13/2008 c1 FuckMeAlice
Wow. That was a really powerul piece of work. I congratualte thee. The narrator was strangely compelling though he/she didn't have any emotion or personal characterizations apart from the pills. Cool.
-Stardust from the Roadhouse.
Wow. That was a really powerul piece of work. I congratualte thee. The narrator was strangely compelling though he/she didn't have any emotion or personal characterizations apart from the pills. Cool.
-Stardust from the Roadhouse.