for The Misadventures of a Lip Virgin2/13/2013 c9 
1MsQueenOfTheWorld
I read on your profile that you weren't planning on revising this story for a while, but when you do you should definitely clean up this chapter quite a bit. I only got through the first bit of this chapter, and no offense, it's covered with typos. Just to name a few, is the setting located in New York or Chicago? The last chapter you said that poetry place was somewhere north in New York (I'm guessing city?), then this chapter you said it was in downtown Chicago. Also, I'm confused about this Lila character. Is she a new character or did you mean Layla?
Also, this line at the beginning of this chapter - " 'What do you mean?' A confused look came across his face.' " I don't recall a male character stepping into this conversation. I reread it twice, but maybe I missed something.
Now, despite the number of issues I decided to point out, I actually really enjoyed your story. I love how your characters have personalities, and at least till this point (I haven't read further than the beginning of this chapter), they've mostly remained in character. The plot of this story seems rather interesting so far and appears to be coming along smoothly.
The big thing I would suggest is rereading your chapters repeatedly before publishing them. To be honest, these chapters look like you just typed them up and posted them online. You need to reread what you write, and even read them out loud to yourself. If for some reason or another you can't reread your work, then I strongly suggest you find a friend who is willing to not only read what you write, but is willing to be honest about what they read. The amount of errors in just the beginning of this chapter is really sad. You have a great story, but those errors are extremely distracting, and at some points extremely confusing. A lot of them could have been fixed with probably just one review of this chapter.
I hope I didn't hurt your feelings or upset you. I'm honestly not trying to be rude or anything. As I've said before, you have a great story here, but it needs to be cleaned up a little (or in some cases a lot).
Have a lovely day and keep writing! :)
1MsQueenOfTheWorldI read on your profile that you weren't planning on revising this story for a while, but when you do you should definitely clean up this chapter quite a bit. I only got through the first bit of this chapter, and no offense, it's covered with typos. Just to name a few, is the setting located in New York or Chicago? The last chapter you said that poetry place was somewhere north in New York (I'm guessing city?), then this chapter you said it was in downtown Chicago. Also, I'm confused about this Lila character. Is she a new character or did you mean Layla?
Also, this line at the beginning of this chapter - " 'What do you mean?' A confused look came across his face.' " I don't recall a male character stepping into this conversation. I reread it twice, but maybe I missed something.
Now, despite the number of issues I decided to point out, I actually really enjoyed your story. I love how your characters have personalities, and at least till this point (I haven't read further than the beginning of this chapter), they've mostly remained in character. The plot of this story seems rather interesting so far and appears to be coming along smoothly.
The big thing I would suggest is rereading your chapters repeatedly before publishing them. To be honest, these chapters look like you just typed them up and posted them online. You need to reread what you write, and even read them out loud to yourself. If for some reason or another you can't reread your work, then I strongly suggest you find a friend who is willing to not only read what you write, but is willing to be honest about what they read. The amount of errors in just the beginning of this chapter is really sad. You have a great story, but those errors are extremely distracting, and at some points extremely confusing. A lot of them could have been fixed with probably just one review of this chapter.
I hope I didn't hurt your feelings or upset you. I'm honestly not trying to be rude or anything. As I've said before, you have a great story here, but it needs to be cleaned up a little (or in some cases a lot).
Have a lovely day and keep writing! :)
10/11/2010 c19 does it matter
Um, is it LILA or LAYLA?
Um, is it LILA or LAYLA?
8/24/2010 c26 Sasha-TheGrapeJuiceMadeOfLemon
AH! YOU NEED TO FINISH THIS STORY! PLEASE! (:
AH! YOU NEED TO FINISH THIS STORY! PLEASE! (:
1/9/2010 c1 1wildsilence023
I couldn't stop reading 'cause the story was so awesome...You my friend, have a talent.
1wildsilence023I couldn't stop reading 'cause the story was so awesome...You my friend, have a talent.
12/27/2009 c1 5christinaxxyo
I liked how you started the beginning but at the same time, I wasn't really crazy about how you had Kexy talk directly to me (the audience). Still, I'm really interested in how you're going to direct the story since the beginning was so different :)
5christinaxxyoI liked how you started the beginning but at the same time, I wasn't really crazy about how you had Kexy talk directly to me (the audience). Still, I'm really interested in how you're going to direct the story since the beginning was so different :)
11/25/2009 c27 ixia208
I keep smiling while reading this story.
You have a great sense of humor.
Can't wait for the sequel.
I keep smiling while reading this story.
You have a great sense of humor.
Can't wait for the sequel.
7/29/2009 c27 1SweetScorpio24
wow this is really awesome! I loved it. Im sad there isnt anymore. You should definitely make a sequel with Lani and Drew.
1SweetScorpio24wow this is really awesome! I loved it. Im sad there isnt anymore. You should definitely make a sequel with Lani and Drew.