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for Anja: The Story of a Tragedy

10/2/2009 c1 1k+Faithless Juliet
This is a good opening scene, it has a lot of raw power and you utilize several metaphors for your characters. You did a good job displaying Artie's pain, through the bitterness of his voice, and even his contempt with the way that he puts his cigarette out.

I think in terms of length, this is a good opening, but you could have added another scene into this section via fiction press just so the reader could get a better since of the story. It doesn’t distract, but I feel that more could have put here, and it would not have been cumbersome to read.

Overall well done, a very enjoyable scene. Keep up the good work.

Much love,

10/2/2009 c1 11HiddenFromYou
I like the play layout you've gone with here. The projections can be compared somewhat to flashbacks, and that adds a nice feel to the story.

However, I think the chapters are a little short, even if they are just one or two scenes long. Develop them a little.

Good writing!
9/29/2009 c1 22Starleaf
Easy Fix time! :]

First off, I like the attention to detail in this first scene. You introduce the characters, projections, everything... You clearly care about it as a PLAY, not just as a written piece.

One thing I don't like is that the Narrator mentions a spotlight. I guess that's your own thing, but I never saw a play where they comment on those sorts of things. Then again, I'm not a big play person, so I could be wrong.

I do really like her introduction of Artie though. Very dramatic and the simplicity of it makes it that powerful.

You might want to say where on stage-left, right, etc-the image of Valdek holding Anja is. It's not specified.

I must say, I can see this scene perfectly. You really have a knack for making it realistic and easily imaginable. Just the right amount of drama to make it sad and powerful without being cheesy. Very good job!
9/24/2009 c1 9Sakina the Fallen Angel
I really like the layout/structure of this as it mirrors the content of what I'd find if I opened a play in a book. Also, you set the scene very clearly, for I had no problem with imagining the action on the stage, and your stage directions were also apt. Loved the ending ~ it was so dramatic!

~ Sakina x
9/20/2009 c1 13Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Well, it's interesting to see a story done in the format of a play. That's something I've never seen before. Anyway, good introduction of the characters and interesting start to the story albeit it's pretty much brief. I really wonder what drove to Anja's death. And it also seems that Artie was pretty much an apathetic character after his mother's death. Or at least his display of emotions made me feel this way. Anyway, interesting piece of work. Will be curious to read on. :)

P.S: Pay back via The Eternal Grail. And thanks very much for your first review on it. :)

Add P.S: A bit of clearing up on the punctuation marks issue. Actually it's only meant to be a statement of exaggeration since I plan for a more over the top feel on it mostly based on the manga/anime feel. :)

-From the Roadhouse. :)
10/15/2008 c2 Stardrag
Hey, I just want to say this before I do anything; this is the first play I've ever read online. I read chapter one first to, also good with necessary info and mood setting.

Correction: you forgot to space the and suicide, and I didn't sense the accent in the father that much, maybe I wasn't supposed to.

Like: The analogy of cats and dogs fit nicely within the story. I also liked the father's excitement that corresponded to the normal toned questions by the son. What else...the moods are presented in the parenthesis, I liked that alot...that's all.

Well, off to chapter three...I mean scenes three and four.

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