for Cold as Ice12/25/2008 c11 L
hey, sorry I haven't been critiqing for a while, I just got power and internet back today, snow and ice and all that :D thank you for explaining the issues with Ava and the idiotic jerk who does not deserve to have his name typed in this review... this was a long chapter, what is with all of the sidetracking fakly real mini romances here! they hate each other, but couldn't they have some sort of normal idiotic hate fight? GAH! is Mel some way for Christian to get back at Ava for something he does not even understand? the IDIOT! man..can you see how real your charectars are in this story? okay...now that that rant is out of the way...can you tell there will be many mini rants to come? HAH Zach's a gossip queen,who knoew such a brawly barbaric brother would have a womanly sensitive side, nice touch, and you know I use those words with the utmost kindness of intent :D THE CONNIVING IDIOTS!they had Christian pretend to be DRUNK GAH! Ava...and Christian...wow this is an nice literary work, I am sure making up for lost time with this one...woah, and I haven't even close to caught up yet...now I love this chapter, you have sucsessfully made me angry at christian, sympathetic toward Ava, softened toward Zach, and the mad at Christian an Zach!you know you really are a great writer, I LOVE THIS STORY! whoah I think I might have overdone the christmas candy slightly...*sheepish smile here* you better tell me soon if you get tired of this..I haven't even gotten to the grammatical and flow critiques yet...okay now Ava is the one being the biggest idiot ALIVE...and that's all I am goiong to say about that. on to the grammatics...the flow was a bit choppy toward the beginning, but the overall structure was relatively solid, the cleanu can hapen later, and may not ever happen, most of it is a subtle nuance that can be overlooked if need be, something about halfway down changes and then picks up a new flow and tone of voice, slightly jarring, but only slightly, like a rut in the road if you will, easily missed. a few word choices were a bit off, but not terribly and also are fine like they are, punctuation is pretty much on, as always some of it could be revised and changed, but overall this one hit the mark, if this were a diving competition, this would get a solid 9.3 out of ten. okay there is my overly long long review for chapter eleven, I really need to stop eating sugar when i go on the computer...
hey, sorry I haven't been critiqing for a while, I just got power and internet back today, snow and ice and all that :D thank you for explaining the issues with Ava and the idiotic jerk who does not deserve to have his name typed in this review... this was a long chapter, what is with all of the sidetracking fakly real mini romances here! they hate each other, but couldn't they have some sort of normal idiotic hate fight? GAH! is Mel some way for Christian to get back at Ava for something he does not even understand? the IDIOT! man..can you see how real your charectars are in this story? okay...now that that rant is out of the way...can you tell there will be many mini rants to come? HAH Zach's a gossip queen,who knoew such a brawly barbaric brother would have a womanly sensitive side, nice touch, and you know I use those words with the utmost kindness of intent :D THE CONNIVING IDIOTS!they had Christian pretend to be DRUNK GAH! Ava...and Christian...wow this is an nice literary work, I am sure making up for lost time with this one...woah, and I haven't even close to caught up yet...now I love this chapter, you have sucsessfully made me angry at christian, sympathetic toward Ava, softened toward Zach, and the mad at Christian an Zach!you know you really are a great writer, I LOVE THIS STORY! whoah I think I might have overdone the christmas candy slightly...*sheepish smile here* you better tell me soon if you get tired of this..I haven't even gotten to the grammatical and flow critiques yet...okay now Ava is the one being the biggest idiot ALIVE...and that's all I am goiong to say about that. on to the grammatics...the flow was a bit choppy toward the beginning, but the overall structure was relatively solid, the cleanu can hapen later, and may not ever happen, most of it is a subtle nuance that can be overlooked if need be, something about halfway down changes and then picks up a new flow and tone of voice, slightly jarring, but only slightly, like a rut in the road if you will, easily missed. a few word choices were a bit off, but not terribly and also are fine like they are, punctuation is pretty much on, as always some of it could be revised and changed, but overall this one hit the mark, if this were a diving competition, this would get a solid 9.3 out of ten. okay there is my overly long long review for chapter eleven, I really need to stop eating sugar when i go on the computer...
12/12/2008 c12 
1jelly babies
I FREALONG LOVE YOU...
this is the best story i have read in a very very lnog time.
it has me hooked at every single word.
i love ava. shes like me.
i actually feel her pain gawd that sound gay
bt anyways
PLEASE UPDATE SOON. I BEG YOU. PLEASE!
cant wait
=]
1jelly babiesI FREALONG LOVE YOU...
this is the best story i have read in a very very lnog time.
it has me hooked at every single word.
i love ava. shes like me.
i actually feel her pain gawd that sound gay
bt anyways
PLEASE UPDATE SOON. I BEG YOU. PLEASE!
cant wait
=]
12/11/2008 c12 A.M. Dawson
:O Can't breath? Let's hope it's in the semi-figurative way! Either way, I'll find out in the:
NEXT CHAPTER *squees*
Sigh. I want a Christian... as in the boy wise. Haha double meaning... Anyways. Double Sigh.
Can't wait!
-Ari
:O Can't breath? Let's hope it's in the semi-figurative way! Either way, I'll find out in the:
NEXT CHAPTER *squees*
Sigh. I want a Christian... as in the boy wise. Haha double meaning... Anyways. Double Sigh.
Can't wait!
-Ari
12/11/2008 c12 Zenia
He still give her his jacket. Well, that's to bad about Christian. I wonder what is going to happen between Ava and Makoto.
-Read You Later
He still give her his jacket. Well, that's to bad about Christian. I wonder what is going to happen between Ava and Makoto.
-Read You Later
12/11/2008 c12 khalanita
why do you keep hurting the dear poor christian? soo sad! so sad... but beautiful how you write.
why do you keep hurting the dear poor christian? soo sad! so sad... but beautiful how you write.
12/8/2008 c11 A.M. Dawson
Hahaha, that's awesome. And I loved the whole 'drunk' part. Can't wait for the next chapter! *Sings* Dramma!
-Arianna D.
Hahaha, that's awesome. And I loved the whole 'drunk' part. Can't wait for the next chapter! *Sings* Dramma!
-Arianna D.
12/8/2008 c11 Zenia
He's her boyfriend. Didn't see that coming.
-Read You Later
He's her boyfriend. Didn't see that coming.
-Read You Later
12/7/2008 c1 Zenia
Update!
Update!
12/5/2008 c10 Zenia
You Updated. Yay!
-Read You Later
You Updated. Yay!
-Read You Later
12/5/2008 c10 L
UPDATE PLEASE
UPDATE PLEASE
11/29/2008 c10 L
yes, exams are the absolute bane of existance BLAH. Just to let you know, I still hate Ryan though now I kinda feel bad for him. And Ryan is stupid. Right this minute I think Christian was being even stupider (yes I said stupider) but then he kinda redeemed himself. But I mean come on, GAH why did he have to go all jealous boyfriend when Ava hasn't gone there yet...see this is what I mean if I can get this worked up about your charectars than they are really really good :) I like the insight into Ava's Icyness now I totally understand the absolute trauma and her Aunt was an idiot DUH she didn't know about the crash. I AM SO HAPPY you updated, YAY. (wow, how easily amused am I) okay heres the construcive criticism part: just a few little kinks with sentence flow, nothing too major, a few punctuation bumps. a little question mark with Ryn considering she hates him and his guts to the core, why did she open up to him so fast? and i think that does it...WOW I really need to stop gushing this much...
yes, exams are the absolute bane of existance BLAH. Just to let you know, I still hate Ryan though now I kinda feel bad for him. And Ryan is stupid. Right this minute I think Christian was being even stupider (yes I said stupider) but then he kinda redeemed himself. But I mean come on, GAH why did he have to go all jealous boyfriend when Ava hasn't gone there yet...see this is what I mean if I can get this worked up about your charectars than they are really really good :) I like the insight into Ava's Icyness now I totally understand the absolute trauma and her Aunt was an idiot DUH she didn't know about the crash. I AM SO HAPPY you updated, YAY. (wow, how easily amused am I) okay heres the construcive criticism part: just a few little kinks with sentence flow, nothing too major, a few punctuation bumps. a little question mark with Ryn considering she hates him and his guts to the core, why did she open up to him so fast? and i think that does it...WOW I really need to stop gushing this much...