for Kiss, But Don't Tell12/13/2008 c1 painted eyes
I really like this. The emotion is so strong and, well, true. The shortness of the poem really encapsulates the moment of the kiss.
One thing though, I thought the last line was a bit of an anti-climax, maybe if it was "Our secret" or something, I dunno, each writer has their own reasons for their choices.
Anyway, keep up the good work!
~painted
I really like this. The emotion is so strong and, well, true. The shortness of the poem really encapsulates the moment of the kiss.
One thing though, I thought the last line was a bit of an anti-climax, maybe if it was "Our secret" or something, I dunno, each writer has their own reasons for their choices.
Anyway, keep up the good work!
~painted
12/11/2008 c1 
14Thoughtful Silence
Whoa, I really like this piece as well. The formate is great, and the simple word-choice effective. Like the other piece I reviewed, I mainly like this due to the raw emotion you instil within it. It's something that a lot of poems lack. Good job.
If there's one thing I didn't like... t'was the last line. It seemed like it didn't have the impact it should have... Maybe even if it was 'secretS' it'd be better. Meh, i don't know.
Anyways, keep up the writing.
- Silence.
14Thoughtful SilenceWhoa, I really like this piece as well. The formate is great, and the simple word-choice effective. Like the other piece I reviewed, I mainly like this due to the raw emotion you instil within it. It's something that a lot of poems lack. Good job.
If there's one thing I didn't like... t'was the last line. It seemed like it didn't have the impact it should have... Maybe even if it was 'secretS' it'd be better. Meh, i don't know.
Anyways, keep up the writing.
- Silence.
12/11/2008 c1 fleur de l'est
Is this about how love is contaminated with stares and gossips etc?
Very good imagery, I especially liked the line "Pure, unadulterated bliss". Well done!
~fleur
Is this about how love is contaminated with stares and gossips etc?
Very good imagery, I especially liked the line "Pure, unadulterated bliss". Well done!
~fleur
11/20/2008 c1 612simpleplan13
Thanks for your review awhile back, sorry it took me so long to return it.
fp repeated your first line twice
Is this a form where you need a noun as the last line? If not I would say the secret. That flows better with the previous line. I like the descriptions though, very true.
612simpleplan13Thanks for your review awhile back, sorry it took me so long to return it.
fp repeated your first line twice
Is this a form where you need a noun as the last line? If not I would say the secret. That flows better with the previous line. I like the descriptions though, very true.
10/19/2008 c1 22instantramen
I've read all your work and I've got to say, this is my favorite piece, short and very powerful, excellent job!
22instantramenI've read all your work and I've got to say, this is my favorite piece, short and very powerful, excellent job!
10/19/2008 c1 21W. Griffin
I really like this! Good job!
I'm really impressed how much meaning you squeezed into *counts...* only twenty words - nicely done!
Please R&R,
-W Griffin
21W. GriffinI really like this! Good job!
I'm really impressed how much meaning you squeezed into *counts...* only twenty words - nicely done!
Please R&R,
-W Griffin
10/17/2008 c1 243Manuel Fajar
What is there, but a kiss, when all's awry ?
What is it makes whiskers stand end-on-end,—
But subtle, silken motion, lips-on-lips ?
What is there, but clear dewdrop on a rose,
Evaporating in Thy touch's heat ?
There's nothing to eternity not found,
In wondrous allegories of your musk ;
There's nothing to crumbling to dust with death,
As long as Thy embrace makes my heart pulse ;
So lover, here's cheers to Thy sweetest kiss,
Though Jupiter and Mars may look askance,
Through all the blackness of vast universe ;
There's nothing more immortal than this day,
There's nothing more enduring than Thy touch,
There's nothing more assuring than Thy love.
243Manuel FajarWhat is there, but a kiss, when all's awry ?
What is it makes whiskers stand end-on-end,—
But subtle, silken motion, lips-on-lips ?
What is there, but clear dewdrop on a rose,
Evaporating in Thy touch's heat ?
There's nothing to eternity not found,
In wondrous allegories of your musk ;
There's nothing to crumbling to dust with death,
As long as Thy embrace makes my heart pulse ;
So lover, here's cheers to Thy sweetest kiss,
Though Jupiter and Mars may look askance,
Through all the blackness of vast universe ;
There's nothing more immortal than this day,
There's nothing more enduring than Thy touch,
There's nothing more assuring than Thy love.