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3/2/2009 c1 Thomas
real nice amanda! good job
12/12/2008 c1 10TheMonomaniacalGoblin
[...They all came to see the bridge.] Powerful line. I liked how you used a strong metaphor of the "bridge" between life and death throughout the whole piece, and this line just tied it all together; a bridge, or path that the couple visited on their way to death.

[...and just stood there...] Just a suggestion, but I think you could use more description in this part... how did he stand, and did he shuffle around, talk but was indifferent, or keep to himself in a corner?

The lack of words and dialogue really worked for the mood, and you portrayed the simplicity of the complex idea of suicide quite well ;D

Great piece of work, Pomme (:

-Gobs, down at the Roadhouse!
12/12/2008 c1 2Morohtar
I like the use of the title "The Bridge" - it implies a joint between two other things, like she is between life and being accepted as dead.

Your descriptions are great, and I do like the way that there is a constant dweliing on the details, which makes the whole thing a lot more real.

The stark dialog is really cool - I love it. It's shocking and forces us to consider the juxtapostion of life (your descriptions) and death (the starkness of the dialog).

Good stuff!
10/18/2008 c1 243Manuel Fajar
I think this is a great start for something longer. However, I question whether a corpse taken from San Francisco Bay would not be in the city morgue before she was identified by relatives (unless she had left a note,—which suicides usually do, in fact they usually leave many hints before the act as well.)

In any case, not to get too morbid, but the details might be important. There's a professor at the University of Tennessee, Dr. Bass,—crime scenes and corpses, etc. Can't remember the name of his book right now. Wow, you wanted comments on your writing and here I am sending you off to do research. m
10/17/2008 c1 4Bing Bang Bong
Short, 'sweet', and utterly brilliant. Only one thing I would pick up on is that maybe more description could be used on George's feelings? Then again, when a loved one dies, you don't feel much except basic emotion, so your simple description actually suits this piece.

Finally, you missed a couple of commas, but nothing major.

Good work!

Leilah.

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