for Forever12/13/2008 c1 
11xDancingintheRainx
What I don't really like about this piece is the length of some of the lines. Some are short and others are longer, and it kind of gives a broken-up sort of choppy flow to the poem.
I like your word choice though, especially "That on balmy days in May the wind speaks your name as it rustles through the glossed leaves of an oak?" Good job. Thanks for the review. =]
11xDancingintheRainxWhat I don't really like about this piece is the length of some of the lines. Some are short and others are longer, and it kind of gives a broken-up sort of choppy flow to the poem.
I like your word choice though, especially "That on balmy days in May the wind speaks your name as it rustles through the glossed leaves of an oak?" Good job. Thanks for the review. =]
10/19/2008 c1 243Manuel Fajar
They say that time and space are warped and closed ;
At least those that believe in recurrence ;
Though I have deepest doubts about all this,—
Especially when it comes to Thy love.
How easily things flowed, they were not forced ;
All from a random chance and occurrence ;
Creating harmony and happy bliss,—
Blooming and flowering as Eden's grove.
There time and space were never once coerced ;
For everything flowed as ocean currents ;
While heart basked in a happy sun less mist,—
Amidst the cooing refrain of a dove.
Yet brief was time when we in love embraced ;
And envy like a mad cur that all rends ;
With fangs all bared removing every kiss,—
Soon took apart all that trust and faith wove.
243Manuel FajarThey say that time and space are warped and closed ;
At least those that believe in recurrence ;
Though I have deepest doubts about all this,—
Especially when it comes to Thy love.
How easily things flowed, they were not forced ;
All from a random chance and occurrence ;
Creating harmony and happy bliss,—
Blooming and flowering as Eden's grove.
There time and space were never once coerced ;
For everything flowed as ocean currents ;
While heart basked in a happy sun less mist,—
Amidst the cooing refrain of a dove.
Yet brief was time when we in love embraced ;
And envy like a mad cur that all rends ;
With fangs all bared removing every kiss,—
Soon took apart all that trust and faith wove.
10/19/2008 c1 Counting Petals
Review Marathon! (If you're confused, there's a link on my profile.)
I liked this because it was pretty and sad all at the same time. However, between the third and fourth lines, I think you could've split it into stanzas because it felt like two separate things.
Review Marathon! (If you're confused, there's a link on my profile.)
I liked this because it was pretty and sad all at the same time. However, between the third and fourth lines, I think you could've split it into stanzas because it felt like two separate things.