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for Lost Lines

4/18/2009 c5 56felicia13
That's nice. Brought a smile to my face to read that. It's like... well, it's like exactly what it says it is. Writing is that pale shadow... you want it to be more, but you know in your heart that you can't bring those words any farther. Gods, I know that feeling.

I particularly love "Beat, beat it to / the lost, long / rhythm of the keys / I click-klick-klik / klk / away." Great stuff.

Beautiful poem, by the way. Doesn't feel lost at all.

Love Always,

4/18/2009 c4 felicia13
The beginning seems too choppy for what it's saying. I think it would flow through more easily if the lines were just a little longer. But the second stanza... it feels right. "extending my lost / lover's goodbye." What a great way to end a poem.

Love Always,

4/18/2009 c3 felicia13
Why is this classified as unfinished? I think it ends pretty definitely. "So let's just write today / away..." How much more final can you get?

Anyway, it's a lovely piece. I particularly enjoy the 2nd stanza. "in one simply divine / caught up in the tide / flow" Really great stuff. The last stanza I like because of how it backs off this almost-happy emotional flow. Just a gentle nudge back into life.

Yes, let's just write today away.

Love Always,

4/18/2009 c2 felicia13
This trend of "cheat" is kind of disturbing. Over than that, I love the sounds of this.

Huh. I wasn't so aware of metrical and rhythmical undertones in poetry before the unit my English teacher is forcing on us. Guess it helped after all.

The only thing that bothers me about this is the last line. "Desperate dance" is good, but "encountered" is such an odd word to use there. 'Shimmer,' 'shine,' 'stare,' and 'unaware' all lend themselves to a certain sound. 'Encountered' just breaks that sound. It breaks the flow of the poem.

Does that make sense?

Love Always,

4/18/2009 c1 felicia13
The first stanza is so musical... it's amazing. I love the sound of it. It's like... I don't know. Musical.

It's weird how that changes with the line "Where?" I mean, it just sets the poem off in a complete different direction and I think that's why the 3rd stanza isn't connecting the way I want it to. It's still got a musical sense, but it seems forced, less natural than in the first.

It'd be really great if you kept writing this. Please?

Love Always,

10/21/2008 c1 Itstartedwithapaopu
I love it, baby!

Thank you for posting it for me. ^^ And yes, I know it isn't for me, but I'm going to pretend it is. :D

I love you!

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