for Wild Roses1/9/2009 c4 
13VelvetyCheerio
Ooh, very good. Hah, I wasn't expecting Jessica to be getting tired of Elijah, that's weird. I guess he's not always the perfect guy, but I mean, how can you just leave four years of a relationship?
I like how her thoughts went from the fishing to what had happened previously. Everything's very normal in here, but it still makes for a very exciting read, because you don't know what's going to happen next.
Good work and keep it up!
Velvet.
13VelvetyCheerioOoh, very good. Hah, I wasn't expecting Jessica to be getting tired of Elijah, that's weird. I guess he's not always the perfect guy, but I mean, how can you just leave four years of a relationship?
I like how her thoughts went from the fishing to what had happened previously. Everything's very normal in here, but it still makes for a very exciting read, because you don't know what's going to happen next.
Good work and keep it up!
Velvet.
12/30/2008 c3 VelvetyCheerio
Hah, I went back to see the lamps, they were rather good! XD Dylan is such a sweet little kid, I want to give him a hug. And Marie really must be in love with Elijah to ignore all those other boys. Hmm. I wonder what will happen when she goes fishing with Cody.
Oh, and "great" should be "greet". Just wanted to point that out.
Good job. I hope you update soon.
VelvetyCheerio.
Hah, I went back to see the lamps, they were rather good! XD Dylan is such a sweet little kid, I want to give him a hug. And Marie really must be in love with Elijah to ignore all those other boys. Hmm. I wonder what will happen when she goes fishing with Cody.
Oh, and "great" should be "greet". Just wanted to point that out.
Good job. I hope you update soon.
VelvetyCheerio.
12/30/2008 c2 VelvetyCheerio
Aww. That was so sad at the end! T.T Poor Dylan. This was a good chapter, but there were some mistakes I noticed.
"quickly guiltily" That doesn't make much sense syntax wise. Maybe "guilty quickly" would work better.
"adopted" should be "adopt". But that depends on how you were looking at the sentence.
I'm not quite sure, but "to long" looks like it should be "too long". Well, that's it. This is a very good story. Prose has always been a penchant of mine, but so few people write stories using it. So, thanks!
VelvetyCheerio.
Aww. That was so sad at the end! T.T Poor Dylan. This was a good chapter, but there were some mistakes I noticed.
"quickly guiltily" That doesn't make much sense syntax wise. Maybe "guilty quickly" would work better.
"adopted" should be "adopt". But that depends on how you were looking at the sentence.
I'm not quite sure, but "to long" looks like it should be "too long". Well, that's it. This is a very good story. Prose has always been a penchant of mine, but so few people write stories using it. So, thanks!
VelvetyCheerio.
12/30/2008 c1 VelvetyCheerio
Wow, that put a real image into my head. I liked that. And I think you should keep the title. It sounds good enough for me! Good job on this.
VelvetyCheerio.
Wow, that put a real image into my head. I liked that. And I think you should keep the title. It sounds good enough for me! Good job on this.
VelvetyCheerio.
12/30/2008 c3 24Soen22
I as always, love this. It flows so well. I found two typos I believe One of them was in this chapter. You said, To great me, I think you meant to greet me. Then at the very end of chapter two, you said to long before him. You missed an o. That's all I could find. I liked the way you used poems instead of paragraphs too
-Emmi
24Soen22I as always, love this. It flows so well. I found two typos I believe One of them was in this chapter. You said, To great me, I think you meant to greet me. Then at the very end of chapter two, you said to long before him. You missed an o. That's all I could find. I liked the way you used poems instead of paragraphs too
-Emmi
12/8/2008 c2 2chrissayyy
Wow...
I actually really like this. It's very difficult to write a whole story in poem format but you've done an excellent job so far.
This shows so much more emotion and is more brief(in a good way). I don't doubt that you will make me cry, I'm getting kind of emotional already reading about Dylan and his mother :P
So in a nutshell, this is a really great idea you have. Update soon :D
2chrissayyyWow...
I actually really like this. It's very difficult to write a whole story in poem format but you've done an excellent job so far.
This shows so much more emotion and is more brief(in a good way). I don't doubt that you will make me cry, I'm getting kind of emotional already reading about Dylan and his mother :P
So in a nutshell, this is a really great idea you have. Update soon :D
11/25/2008 c2 15Annabelle Black
I really love this so far! I don't have any critizism...so I'll just leave it at that I guess. It's great. I love the idea of it being a poem at the same time. That's how stories used to be told, in poetry form.
15Annabelle BlackI really love this so far! I don't have any critizism...so I'll just leave it at that I guess. It's great. I love the idea of it being a poem at the same time. That's how stories used to be told, in poetry form.
11/25/2008 c1 tibit no account right now
ur poem ROX!
read mine when i get it up ill messege you youll no and then u can review mine
ur poem ROX!
read mine when i get it up ill messege you youll no and then u can review mine
11/4/2008 c2 5Eshana the Searcher
This is an interesting concept, using poems as chapters. I like the idea. It's a bit harder to follow since it's in poetry form, but I do like this story.
~Eshana
5Eshana the SearcherThis is an interesting concept, using poems as chapters. I like the idea. It's a bit harder to follow since it's in poetry form, but I do like this story.
~Eshana