for The Beating of Their Own Drums12/19/2008 c1 
1NevershoutRachelle
Amazing story. You should publish it. 8D I want to publish one of my stories one day... remember me... when your famous.
I wrote 'Monarch of the Psychopathic Butterflies'
XD
1NevershoutRachelleAmazing story. You should publish it. 8D I want to publish one of my stories one day... remember me... when your famous.
I wrote 'Monarch of the Psychopathic Butterflies'
XD
12/19/2008 c2 silvaaeterna
I lied, I'm still awake and still incoherent, yay!
But I will tell you that this is my favorite phrase now: "...a wing of Rack’s followers broke off and spread across the hall to block their escape."
It gives me lovely images. Like, that Rack is some deceitful witch who is literally spreading out this giant raven's wing in front of Blake, not only to cut her off, but as a false show of friendship too, as if she's trying to put an arm around her shoulders or pull her into a hug (just so she can stick her with poison or something, of course).
I have no clue if it was even intentional (or if my sleep-deprived brain just dreamt it up unwarranted), but sometimes the best metaphors and images do come accidentally. Mine always do..
I like it, though, and I'm not a teen drama person by any means. I typically scoff at the whole genre. But there's apocalyptic stuff a-brewin' and lots of pretty images, which keeps me happy. X3
~Pfft, you can tell by the rambling who I am.
I lied, I'm still awake and still incoherent, yay!
But I will tell you that this is my favorite phrase now: "...a wing of Rack’s followers broke off and spread across the hall to block their escape."
It gives me lovely images. Like, that Rack is some deceitful witch who is literally spreading out this giant raven's wing in front of Blake, not only to cut her off, but as a false show of friendship too, as if she's trying to put an arm around her shoulders or pull her into a hug (just so she can stick her with poison or something, of course).
I have no clue if it was even intentional (or if my sleep-deprived brain just dreamt it up unwarranted), but sometimes the best metaphors and images do come accidentally. Mine always do..
I like it, though, and I'm not a teen drama person by any means. I typically scoff at the whole genre. But there's apocalyptic stuff a-brewin' and lots of pretty images, which keeps me happy. X3
~Pfft, you can tell by the rambling who I am.
12/19/2008 c1 silvaaeterna
Gehk! Melikey confusing and haunting cliffhangers, but not when I desperately need sleep. Nevertheless, drugs and death are always a good way to end a chapter! XD
So many metaphors, but I like them. (How often does one see an eye color compared to topsoil, really? Novelty and earthiness in one, nice indeed.) I love the opening scene, by the way. It could be a short story in itself, because it has that awesome punch! ending line. Obviously other scenes have such lines as well, but that was my favorite. (I have a weakness for elegant smut, yes.)
It's daylight, I'm incoherent. Next chapter will get a better review, I'm sure.
~Emma, who miraculously has an account here but can't remember why.
Gehk! Melikey confusing and haunting cliffhangers, but not when I desperately need sleep. Nevertheless, drugs and death are always a good way to end a chapter! XD
So many metaphors, but I like them. (How often does one see an eye color compared to topsoil, really? Novelty and earthiness in one, nice indeed.) I love the opening scene, by the way. It could be a short story in itself, because it has that awesome punch! ending line. Obviously other scenes have such lines as well, but that was my favorite. (I have a weakness for elegant smut, yes.)
It's daylight, I'm incoherent. Next chapter will get a better review, I'm sure.
~Emma, who miraculously has an account here but can't remember why.
12/19/2008 c3 3Charon-dragon
okay totally re posting this for easier reading with much shorter chapters. Sorry for any inconvenience.
3Charon-dragonokay totally re posting this for easier reading with much shorter chapters. Sorry for any inconvenience.
12/19/2008 c2 Lane
oh, and there's a very minor typo i found in chapter 2:
“You’re going to the White Dance tonight, of course.” Perro asked. Well, he more stated; being as it is unheard of for some one not to go especially the person who through the Black Party.
did you mean 'threw'?
very small i know, but it just sort of jumped out at me. :)
Looking forward to chapter 3! Oh my, Char is going to do something illegal isn't she?
oh, and there's a very minor typo i found in chapter 2:
“You’re going to the White Dance tonight, of course.” Perro asked. Well, he more stated; being as it is unheard of for some one not to go especially the person who through the Black Party.
did you mean 'threw'?
very small i know, but it just sort of jumped out at me. :)
Looking forward to chapter 3! Oh my, Char is going to do something illegal isn't she?
12/19/2008 c1 Lane
I'll be honest- teen drama is really not my choice of genre, but I'm really liking your story. Like others have already pointed out, LOTS of characters to keep up with, especially with all of them having nicknames, but the character profiles helped a bit. Over all, very impressive. love the descriptive writing style and it's pretty funny at some parts too.
I'll be honest- teen drama is really not my choice of genre, but I'm really liking your story. Like others have already pointed out, LOTS of characters to keep up with, especially with all of them having nicknames, but the character profiles helped a bit. Over all, very impressive. love the descriptive writing style and it's pretty funny at some parts too.
12/15/2008 c2 1noir gahmee
Personally, I don't mind a lengthy chapter but it tends to come off as being too draggy and boring so I suggest breaking down the first chapter into two separate chapters. That way the reader won't get bored from scrolling down for so long. :)
1noir gahmeePersonally, I don't mind a lengthy chapter but it tends to come off as being too draggy and boring so I suggest breaking down the first chapter into two separate chapters. That way the reader won't get bored from scrolling down for so long. :)
12/8/2008 c2 5PurpleSnowflake
ha i loved it, especially the end. this chap also explained some stuff. i wonder how charlotte's going to fit into all this madness? guess you'll just have to write the next chap and i'll find out!
-luv ya, addie
5PurpleSnowflakeha i loved it, especially the end. this chap also explained some stuff. i wonder how charlotte's going to fit into all this madness? guess you'll just have to write the next chap and i'll find out!
-luv ya, addie
12/7/2008 c1 JP
I really loved this first chapter, Alex! It was, admittedly, a little bit hard to follow at times with some of the characters as there are so many, but I love the overall story and plot thus far! And I'm excited to see how the characters continue to develop throughout the rest of the novel. Wonderful job!
I really loved this first chapter, Alex! It was, admittedly, a little bit hard to follow at times with some of the characters as there are so many, but I love the overall story and plot thus far! And I'm excited to see how the characters continue to develop throughout the rest of the novel. Wonderful job!
12/5/2008 c1 2Violet Thelaw
Wow. It IS extremely long and you're definitely not kidding with that. :D
I think it's good. The paragraphs are very descriptive. I seriously dunno why you're asking for my opinion when I'm not quite a good writer myself, still improving :D! Gosh! The chapter was great! It's very detailed and I think nothing was left out or missing in my imagination! But maybe, it could be better if you break it up into two to three chapters. It has too much stuff going on, too much people and introductions that I can't actually remember all of them. Although it's very nice! And very interesting. I think people will check on it from time to time to see if you've updated- it's that kind of a story. XD I never read teen suspense or something like that but starting now won't hurt, right?
PLEASE UPDATE! :D
2Violet ThelawWow. It IS extremely long and you're definitely not kidding with that. :D
I think it's good. The paragraphs are very descriptive. I seriously dunno why you're asking for my opinion when I'm not quite a good writer myself, still improving :D! Gosh! The chapter was great! It's very detailed and I think nothing was left out or missing in my imagination! But maybe, it could be better if you break it up into two to three chapters. It has too much stuff going on, too much people and introductions that I can't actually remember all of them. Although it's very nice! And very interesting. I think people will check on it from time to time to see if you've updated- it's that kind of a story. XD I never read teen suspense or something like that but starting now won't hurt, right?
PLEASE UPDATE! :D
12/1/2008 c1 2Meet Me At Midnight
Arg more chapters I want to know whats going on! Its really good and you should continue as soon as possible!
2Meet Me At MidnightArg more chapters I want to know whats going on! Its really good and you should continue as soon as possible!
11/13/2008 c1 Sandra
it's good if you like that teen stuf,. but yeah, i liked it (if i liked that kind of stuff). i can see you like eye color, LoL.
i think i'll like it even more if you tell me it's satirical so that it's kind of turning into "the importance of being earnest" type of thing or "the great gatsby."
it's good if you like that teen stuf,. but yeah, i liked it (if i liked that kind of stuff). i can see you like eye color, LoL.
i think i'll like it even more if you tell me it's satirical so that it's kind of turning into "the importance of being earnest" type of thing or "the great gatsby."
11/13/2008 c1 2raneonthewyndoepain
the sense of intrigue is acute, but it's a little confusing. the problem may be that i skimmed some parts. anyway, it's good so far. very interesting.
2raneonthewyndoepainthe sense of intrigue is acute, but it's a little confusing. the problem may be that i skimmed some parts. anyway, it's good so far. very interesting.