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12/28/2010 c2 7Liya Smith
I was just reading this and I was smirking at how both our stories have leading characters of "Gabe" and "Liz" or "Liza." Funny how things work out :) Anyway, I really did like how this was written. It was well-paced. The only bad thing was that it was hard to tell where they switched off point of views because there is no line break. But overall it was very nicely done!
12/14/2009 c3 6ephemeral dance
HRGH OH MY GOSH. Eliza's dad is so awkward adgkhasdjk. I was cringing. I RARELY CRINGE. Ahaha, it was wonderful.

Anyway! I can't wait for them to meet, haha. It is certainly bound to be interesting!
12/14/2009 c2 ephemeral dance
If I might make a suggestion, you should probably add a line break when switching between Gabe's pov and Eliza's. But that's totally it.

I really liked the story from Eliza's childhood. Very telling. I like both of your main characters so far. Good job!
12/14/2009 c1 ephemeral dance
The fact that I saw Gabe Saporta in my head as soon as I started reading this made me chucklesnort into my drink. In a good way. In the best way possible. 8D

Really gritty opening, but I'm a pretty shameless pervert so I tend to be amused by smut. I think it's really cool that Gabe isn't all BAW ANGST or whatever. "And overall I still wasn't suicidal." I think that speaks volumes.

Good job and thanks for all the reviews you left me forever ago. I'm sorry I'm so late paying them back; I just finished finals today. ^^;
11/25/2009 c17 19S. M. Saves
"I though [thought] only drugs could do this, not that I’d tried enough to know."

As much as I wanted for Gabe to have his way, I'm satisfied that they stopped. (In essence, I guess he did get his way. His plan was to stop after all.)

Although, I wonder what's going to happen if and when Eliza finds out who Gabe really is. (gasp) But I won't dote on that thought too long.

I hope you plan on updating soon because I can't wait for another delicious installment. :)
11/25/2009 c16 S. M. Saves
I would have to go back and double check but I don't think I saw a single grammar/spelling error. And if there was one, it was so tiny that I missed it. :D

Oh my god another chapter to go. I MUST read it!
11/25/2009 c15 S. M. Saves
Hello, hello! It's been awhile since I've read this story. Sorry for the wait.

"my net worth after I made 40 grand": spell out "forty".

"Now if I could only to get her to say that to me." Remove the "to" before "get her to say that to me".

“I could show you some of my personal pieces, they’re my pride and joy.” Instead of separating these two parts with a comma, make them into their own sentences.

"those yoga classed [classes] Katie has me take with her"

"One’s I didn’t think I could control right now.": "One's" shouldn't be possessive. It's simply "Ones".

Is it just me, or is it getting a little hot in here? Dare I say it but I like how you dragged this chapter out. Keep the readers wanting more.
9/14/2009 c3 3BlaznFangurl
Is there a reason you are using 1800's terms? also the quotation marks separating the POVS are sort of annoying...

Anyways, definitely still interested, things are getting good XD

Blazn, Via the Roahouse Pay it Forward :)
9/14/2009 c2 BlaznFangurl
Hmm okay, I am not disliking this, but I am a ways away from loving it, but it is sounding good, with great potential^^

I know you need a break between Gabe's POV and the girls POV, because other wise they just flow into each other, and also when you write your authors note you should put the A?N thing, because others wise people may think it is a part of the story


Blazn, via the Roadhouse, Pay it forward :)
9/14/2009 c6 1Angel-Leigh Jones

another short chapter.

When are things going to start happeneing i wonder? This was good. I have to stop reading here, but will come back later :)

9/14/2009 c1 3BlaznFangurl
Rated T..after that first paragraph o_O Hmm well the first paragraph is most definitely an eye catcher!

Whoa o like it is a guy having sex with other guys? His mother whorred him off to other males O_o I guess this takes te punch as far as hook,line, and sink em goes XD

Uh that Author interruption was weird, why didn't you just put a break in? I'm sure they/we would have figured out the person change..Anyways, that was way interesting, a boy being sold into sex and a girl who is rich, continuing...

Blazn, Via the RoadHouse, Pay it Forward :)
9/14/2009 c5 1Angel-Leigh Jones

yeah it was a bit shorter than the rest. But still very good. Didn't find any mistakes.

Will read onwards :)

9/14/2009 c4 Angel-Leigh Jones

This chapter is really interesting. I wonder what is going to happen next. I found a couple of minor mistakes, nothing to worry about.

- This must be what David felt looking at the giant. - I think there needs to be a like after felt and then a comma.

- cloths should be clothes

9/13/2009 c14 19S. M. Saves
"and that was why I [was] hiding myself behind the bar."

"than those midnight Calculus classes I took [had taken] a while back."

"my Eliza[beth] slept was a place I hadn’t been invited."

"I feel [felt] like I was looking at Gabe for the first time"

In the last two chapters, Gabe seemed like a different person but in this one he seemed "back to normal". I don't know if it's my perception of it or if Gabe is a bit of a mystery character of multiple facets. I don't know, I just thought I'd point that out.

Something very, very yummy is coming up next? O.O You better update soon before my mind begins to wander. :D
9/13/2009 c13 S. M. Saves
"brunet" should be "brunette".

"Turning to [the] corner and heading for the kitchen where I heard voices, I was hit with sudden jealousy.": This is an awkwardly worded sentence. "I heard voices" is vague. Who's voices? Are we to assume it's Elizabeth and a man? Or is Gabe going crazy? Try "Turning the corner and heading for the kitchen, I came to a complete halt when I heard a man speaking with Elizabeth. I was hit with a sudden jealousy." Something like that.

I find it ironic how, in the last chapter, Elizabeth comments on how patient Gabe appears and then in this chapter he doesn't seem patient at all. He's turned on the killer seductiveness and is going after his prey. He seems more aggressive than the old Gabe in previous chapters.

Ooh! I have another chapter to read. Yay!
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