for An Aria of Souls1/11/2009 c2 
6DemonicBlackCat
I think this chapter should be longer. There's very little action. :D Your writing is good and it flows smoothly, but the 'fast forward to' really doesn't work. You can have the monologue and just start at the 'next few days'. :D Good luck on writing this story..!
6DemonicBlackCatI think this chapter should be longer. There's very little action. :D Your writing is good and it flows smoothly, but the 'fast forward to' really doesn't work. You can have the monologue and just start at the 'next few days'. :D Good luck on writing this story..!
1/11/2009 c1 DemonicBlackCat
Great start. I like the mother's last line, that makes the story mysterius. Don't just dub her as Ivy's mother, though. And you probably want more details..
Great start. I like the mother's last line, that makes the story mysterius. Don't just dub her as Ivy's mother, though. And you probably want more details..
12/18/2008 c1 Queen candy
Not over done at all, very good. :) Wouldn't hurt to make the chapter longer.
Not over done at all, very good. :) Wouldn't hurt to make the chapter longer.
11/25/2008 c4 4Minoan Ferret
Hope you don't mind me reviewing again.
It's still going good, and the feeling of the new town is... weird (in a good way). And the injured skater is interesting too I get the feeling there's going to be something unusual about him.
Your description is good, and kept me reading across two chapters easily. One thing you may want to do to ensure more reviews is space out chapters so your story goes up the Just In list again.
I'm adding this to my favourites, so that means it's okay!
As always, keep it up.
4Minoan FerretHope you don't mind me reviewing again.
It's still going good, and the feeling of the new town is... weird (in a good way). And the injured skater is interesting too I get the feeling there's going to be something unusual about him.
Your description is good, and kept me reading across two chapters easily. One thing you may want to do to ensure more reviews is space out chapters so your story goes up the Just In list again.
I'm adding this to my favourites, so that means it's okay!
As always, keep it up.
11/21/2008 c2 12Coni
thank you for the reviews and the favorites! it's been so long since I've updated haha... your story looks like a good start... good luck with it!
12Conithank you for the reviews and the favorites! it's been so long since I've updated haha... your story looks like a good start... good luck with it!
11/18/2008 c1 4Minoan Ferret
No, it's not overdone. Rather, it's well done (I feel like I'm talking about steak for some reason...). And it's not boring!
It's a nice story so far, well, apart from the sad bit at the end. I honestly never saw that coming. It's well written and kept me reading until the end. The only things that confused me were the bits not italicised because one is the first person and another's third person. Or maybe it's just me...
Anyway, it's great. Keep at it.
4Minoan FerretNo, it's not overdone. Rather, it's well done (I feel like I'm talking about steak for some reason...). And it's not boring!
It's a nice story so far, well, apart from the sad bit at the end. I honestly never saw that coming. It's well written and kept me reading until the end. The only things that confused me were the bits not italicised because one is the first person and another's third person. Or maybe it's just me...
Anyway, it's great. Keep at it.