for Ribs11/19/2008 c1 
80Jazzball
First off, I liked it. From what I got, the speaker's in a relationship that's clearly bad for them, but can't shake the addiction. I was a bit confused with the line 'you give a grin that makes me applaud' it gives me the impression that the other person thinks that the relationships bad for them too, but they can't admit it. Like both are acting like everything's fine but, in the end its just a 'perfect facade'. Their love (or lack of)is a disease for both of them.
If it were my poem I would have left out lines 6 & 9 and left the repetition for the first and last lines to bring it all together. Plus, to me, the ryhm scheme would fit nicer in the middle if that were missing.
I enjoyed that there was ryhmeing and abstract imagery, not just one or the other.
80JazzballFirst off, I liked it. From what I got, the speaker's in a relationship that's clearly bad for them, but can't shake the addiction. I was a bit confused with the line 'you give a grin that makes me applaud' it gives me the impression that the other person thinks that the relationships bad for them too, but they can't admit it. Like both are acting like everything's fine but, in the end its just a 'perfect facade'. Their love (or lack of)is a disease for both of them.
If it were my poem I would have left out lines 6 & 9 and left the repetition for the first and last lines to bring it all together. Plus, to me, the ryhm scheme would fit nicer in the middle if that were missing.
I enjoyed that there was ryhmeing and abstract imagery, not just one or the other.
11/19/2008 c1 2deltadecapitated
I liked the repetition, it was good in the parts you placed them. I got a very...dark feeling from the person you're talking about, the grin, the ghostly statuette. I liked it, the words were wonderfully placed together and it flowed well.
2deltadecapitatedI liked the repetition, it was good in the parts you placed them. I got a very...dark feeling from the person you're talking about, the grin, the ghostly statuette. I liked it, the words were wonderfully placed together and it flowed well.
11/19/2008 c1 132Erica Jo
wow. very deep. very...sorrowful. Really I think it's good. But I am slightly concerned at the fact that you say you are really desperate I wish the best for you whatever it is you are going through. I don't know you but your note just made me a little concerned. i really liked the poem though.
132Erica Jowow. very deep. very...sorrowful. Really I think it's good. But I am slightly concerned at the fact that you say you are really desperate I wish the best for you whatever it is you are going through. I don't know you but your note just made me a little concerned. i really liked the poem though.
11/19/2008 c1 56from beneath the bell jar
I'm unsure as to the meaning of this poem, but if the title is any indication I'm thinking eating disorder? If I'm right in this, it's a very interesting take on it. Body image is never mentioned at all and that's refreshing because more often than not it's not about that. I'd love to know the thoughts that went behind this poem.
Maybe you could check out my new poem "star swallower"? I'd really appreciate some feedback.
56from beneath the bell jarI'm unsure as to the meaning of this poem, but if the title is any indication I'm thinking eating disorder? If I'm right in this, it's a very interesting take on it. Body image is never mentioned at all and that's refreshing because more often than not it's not about that. I'd love to know the thoughts that went behind this poem.
Maybe you could check out my new poem "star swallower"? I'd really appreciate some feedback.