for Talent Scout Series Book 1 Magnified Emotions11/30/2008 c1 
7Bam-There You Go
Sound really, really interesting so far. You give wonderfully vibrant descriptions and there is just enough Spanish intertwined to effectively show her families Spanish heritage. I noticed that there were a lot of grammatical and spelling errors, though. I'm not sure if you have a beta reader; if you do, I would consider getting a new one, and if you don't already have, I would take the time to find one.
7Bam-There You GoSound really, really interesting so far. You give wonderfully vibrant descriptions and there is just enough Spanish intertwined to effectively show her families Spanish heritage. I noticed that there were a lot of grammatical and spelling errors, though. I'm not sure if you have a beta reader; if you do, I would consider getting a new one, and if you don't already have, I would take the time to find one.
11/30/2008 c4 HellOnToast
You did a great job introducing the new characters. ^^ Something that I personally am horrible at.
You did a great job introducing the new characters. ^^ Something that I personally am horrible at.
11/28/2008 c3 HellOnToast
As far as making the chapter longer...Try to use stronger descriptions...Then again, nothing felt awkward or rushed, this was a good length in my eyes.
I'll be awaiting chapter 4. :D
As far as making the chapter longer...Try to use stronger descriptions...Then again, nothing felt awkward or rushed, this was a good length in my eyes.
I'll be awaiting chapter 4. :D
11/28/2008 c2 HellOnToast
I liked this chapter for several reasons.
One of which is the descriptions.
"The inside was just as drab and depressing as the outside, with peeling wallpaper and holes scattering the walls. Piles of old dusty books sat in heaps, looking like they hadn’t been looked at in ages. The floor seemed as if termites had made a permanent home. It was plagued with tiny holes that creaked when you walked on it. The door was so old that the hinges were rusted through and they creaked when you opened the door. As the family walked through the door the door began to creak then made a loud bang as the hinge relinquished control of the door and fell with a loud noise right onto the hole plagued floor."
Nicely done! I could picture the scene easily, and strong imagrey is a valuable skill.
Also, the pacing was good and the plot did not meander. So all in all, this was, on a scale of 1 to 10, an 8.
I liked this chapter for several reasons.
One of which is the descriptions.
"The inside was just as drab and depressing as the outside, with peeling wallpaper and holes scattering the walls. Piles of old dusty books sat in heaps, looking like they hadn’t been looked at in ages. The floor seemed as if termites had made a permanent home. It was plagued with tiny holes that creaked when you walked on it. The door was so old that the hinges were rusted through and they creaked when you opened the door. As the family walked through the door the door began to creak then made a loud bang as the hinge relinquished control of the door and fell with a loud noise right onto the hole plagued floor."
Nicely done! I could picture the scene easily, and strong imagrey is a valuable skill.
Also, the pacing was good and the plot did not meander. So all in all, this was, on a scale of 1 to 10, an 8.
11/23/2008 c1 HellOnToast
The only critique I can give is that you're pacong seems a little rushed. That and sentence structure. Other than that this seems intresting.
The only critique I can give is that you're pacong seems a little rushed. That and sentence structure. Other than that this seems intresting.