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for Cupid's Cadaver

12/13/2008 c2 2perusemyshoes
This is really interesting so far. I really enjoy your writing style, and the concept is intriguing.

For the most part, it flowed really well, but the following sentences felt a little bit awkward to me.

"Dear gods... even a crappy institution like Sunev should’ve had the courtesy not trying to poison us."

It sounds fine until you say, "...had the courtesy not trying to poison us." Maybe if you flipped your words slightly and said something like, "...had the courtesy to not posion us" or something along those lines, it would sound smoother.

"...all he told me about his life and asked me about mine, made me laugh, and at the end of the night we exchanged phone numbers."

It might be easier to understand if you stuck in "was" between "me" and "about" or if you even switched it around to say something like "he only told me..."

Other than those two sentences, I think it's off to a lovely start, and am curious about where it's going.
11/29/2008 c2 umpi
It's up to a great start. You have an interesting voice in your writing..keep up with the good work.

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