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12/16/2008 c2 27Alanna Lioness
Ahh. Now it makes more sense why they would have abandoned the church even though it was famous. Interesting. I'd still make a note about it in the first chapter though, just so other readers don't wonder. Have her wonder why it was abandoned or something. Anyways, nail polish... very interesting. Cool move on her part too. :)
12/16/2008 c1 Alanna Lioness
Hey, great chapter! I really liked it. :) You have a wonderful writing style. I don't come across many present tense stories that work, but yours definitely does! Just a few nitpicky things to point out though. First, if the church is so famous for that carving, why is it abandoned? It seems strange to abandon something famous... And also, it was nightime when the roof crashed in, right? So how could she see her reflection in the puddle? A lighter wouldn't give off that much light, especially not in a space as big as an old church with a crumbled wall.

I hope to read more soon! Once again, great job!
12/16/2008 c2 2underground-writing
wow never saw that coming. This is a good story, I like it. Keep up the good work. :)
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