for My Guiding Light2/9/2009 c1 
18Serious Sonneteer
To me this poem doesn't really say much or anything significant at all.
The writing is fluent and the rhyming mostly fine, except in the second line of the third quatrain. That once was forced and the preposition again doesn't seem right.
18Serious SonneteerTo me this poem doesn't really say much or anything significant at all.
The writing is fluent and the rhyming mostly fine, except in the second line of the third quatrain. That once was forced and the preposition again doesn't seem right.
1/28/2009 c1 44DraganMir
Very nice! I like the rhyme scheme and choice of words you used. All of the imagery was very good.
* WARNING: Incoming constructive criticism *
The one thing I think would have helped is a smoother transition to being able to see the light in the last stanza. I read it as the speaker needing a flicker of light and then they could see the path. That might just be me.
Keep writing, this material is excellent!
~DraganMir~
44DraganMirVery nice! I like the rhyme scheme and choice of words you used. All of the imagery was very good.
* WARNING: Incoming constructive criticism *
The one thing I think would have helped is a smoother transition to being able to see the light in the last stanza. I read it as the speaker needing a flicker of light and then they could see the path. That might just be me.
Keep writing, this material is excellent!
~DraganMir~
1/27/2009 c1 30AndromedaMarine
I love the rhyme scheme and the imagry behind the words. I like seeing the portrayal of a need of a guiding light. :)
~Andromeda
30AndromedaMarineI love the rhyme scheme and the imagry behind the words. I like seeing the portrayal of a need of a guiding light. :)
~Andromeda
1/25/2009 c1 57Xerophyte
Very nice poem. I like that the rhyme scheme isn't forced. The approximate rhymes seemed the most real to me; I felt like that's when you had the most strength in your poem.
I appreciate your honesty in saying that you don't really take constructive criticism. To be honesty, I rarely change the versions of my poems on FictionPress, only when I'm printing them elsewhere. But I'm going to be obstinate and give you constructive criticism anyway.
I thought that the third stanza was really off-kilter with the rest of the poem. The wording was good, but the phrasing came off slightly awkward, in the second line especially. Other than that, this was well-written. Good job.
57XerophyteVery nice poem. I like that the rhyme scheme isn't forced. The approximate rhymes seemed the most real to me; I felt like that's when you had the most strength in your poem.
I appreciate your honesty in saying that you don't really take constructive criticism. To be honesty, I rarely change the versions of my poems on FictionPress, only when I'm printing them elsewhere. But I'm going to be obstinate and give you constructive criticism anyway.
I thought that the third stanza was really off-kilter with the rest of the poem. The wording was good, but the phrasing came off slightly awkward, in the second line especially. Other than that, this was well-written. Good job.
1/19/2009 c1 42Delilah Loved It
Very nicely done. Each poem is just as good or better than the last. :)
42Delilah Loved ItVery nicely done. Each poem is just as good or better than the last. :)
1/14/2009 c1 10Silence.Do.Bad
I think the first two lines of the second stanza have some forced rhyming. It makes it a little awkward.
I think this poem is a little simplistic compared to your other work, but it is enjoyable nonetheless.
10Silence.Do.BadI think the first two lines of the second stanza have some forced rhyming. It makes it a little awkward.
I think this poem is a little simplistic compared to your other work, but it is enjoyable nonetheless.
1/6/2009 c1 21Patrick-Henry
Bravo. I liked the "I'm looking" at each stanza- it's a more precise kind of rhythm. And the last stanza- *flicker* is the perfect word, I think. That made me think of a candle dying out. A little ironic...
Anyway, wow. The way that the light mentioned (to me) seemed to lessen was perfect- like the sun setting and dark creeping in. Wow.
21Patrick-HenryBravo. I liked the "I'm looking" at each stanza- it's a more precise kind of rhythm. And the last stanza- *flicker* is the perfect word, I think. That made me think of a candle dying out. A little ironic...
Anyway, wow. The way that the light mentioned (to me) seemed to lessen was perfect- like the sun setting and dark creeping in. Wow.
1/5/2009 c1 7Sleeping Moonlight
I believe that this is by far your best poem yet. I loved the way it was written, and the rhyming scheme caught my eye, in a good way, and the poem its self really got me, because it relates fairly closely to how I have felt. Great job! I loved it!
7Sleeping MoonlightI believe that this is by far your best poem yet. I loved the way it was written, and the rhyming scheme caught my eye, in a good way, and the poem its self really got me, because it relates fairly closely to how I have felt. Great job! I loved it!
1/4/2009 c1 5wisefish
I enjoyed this poem, for the content particularly.
I understand the sentiment expressed very well, for I myself feel like I need to do something with my life, feel unsettled that I don't spend enough time pursuing my goals, but am at the same time aware that I don't know how to pursue them, that is, I have a path, but no light to guide me.
Kudos.
5wisefishI enjoyed this poem, for the content particularly.
I understand the sentiment expressed very well, for I myself feel like I need to do something with my life, feel unsettled that I don't spend enough time pursuing my goals, but am at the same time aware that I don't know how to pursue them, that is, I have a path, but no light to guide me.
Kudos.
12/30/2008 c1 meduse
this is so pretty. and for some reason, it fills me with hope.
really, really, really liked it. definitely going on my Favorites.
for some reason, I can't write happy poetry.
~DixieAusten
this is so pretty. and for some reason, it fills me with hope.
really, really, really liked it. definitely going on my Favorites.
for some reason, I can't write happy poetry.
~DixieAusten
12/29/2008 c1 102Charmingly Temporary
I liked this poem, and the rhyming just gave the whole subject some extra umph. My favorite part was the third stanza, I dont know why, I guess it just has a sort of cool ring to it in my head. :) Write on!
102Charmingly TemporaryI liked this poem, and the rhyming just gave the whole subject some extra umph. My favorite part was the third stanza, I dont know why, I guess it just has a sort of cool ring to it in my head. :) Write on!