Just In
for The Marsh Dancer

12/10/2008 c1 102The Hippie Nerd
The meaning and what's going on exactly may not be all that clear, but the emotion and interest are definitely there. There's a sweetness to this, some sort of innocent joy that you can't help but get caught in. Lines such as "Before I take up a smile / And go squish-squash dancing," "I squish beneath your dandy toes," "Laughing through your pink-painted locks of hair" and more are just plain delightful. Sweet, nicely written, and there's a warmth that exudes from them that really feels genuine. The questions you ask at the end confuse me a bit, but despite that they're well written and add another layer to the piece. Good job!
12/10/2008 c1 7Nami Weaver
I figure I probably don't get it, but it sure sounds pretty.

I especially like:

- "Feet pressing down on marshy shore / I squish beneath your dandy toes." Wonderful imagery.

- "Our gaze would meet, a moment’s pause / Before I take up a smile / And go squish-squash dancing / With you." Squish-squash dancing brings more than imagery. I can hear the mud squelching.

- The eyecatch snippet.

Unfortunately, I can never spot what needs work, and here is no different. Sorry.

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