for Tshirt1/13/2010 c1 
1SidewalkChalk
Very relatable. It seems to me that a lot of times when poet's use rhyming, it can come off as sort of cheesy, and ridiculous, but I'm not getting that feeling here at all. The rhyming fits in nicely and assists the flow of the piece rather than affecting it negatively. Well done
1SidewalkChalkVery relatable. It seems to me that a lot of times when poet's use rhyming, it can come off as sort of cheesy, and ridiculous, but I'm not getting that feeling here at all. The rhyming fits in nicely and assists the flow of the piece rather than affecting it negatively. Well done
1/21/2009 c1 15heart shaped box x3
I rather liked this piece. It starts off as a positive poem, then it leaves you with almost a feeling of dispair. The simpleness of it worked. The rhyming helped, almost making the poem more innocent than it should be, which made it darker. Though, I don't think that comment really made sense. =p
Anyway, it was very good and nicely written.
Great poem!
-Drea
15heart shaped box x3I rather liked this piece. It starts off as a positive poem, then it leaves you with almost a feeling of dispair. The simpleness of it worked. The rhyming helped, almost making the poem more innocent than it should be, which made it darker. Though, I don't think that comment really made sense. =p
Anyway, it was very good and nicely written.
Great poem!
-Drea
1/21/2009 c1 grape.soda.pop
I really like this! The begining seemed innocent and happy. Recovering and all. Then when you get to the last to lines... I was just like oh... =(
Brilliant work! Especially since this topic has been a bit overdone recently.
I really like this! The begining seemed innocent and happy. Recovering and all. Then when you get to the last to lines... I was just like oh... =(
Brilliant work! Especially since this topic has been a bit overdone recently.
1/20/2009 c1 12SuzannaR
Thanks for your review :)
I liked this. I'm no good with rhyming myself (well, I've never tried it)
I like how it's about something dark, sad-you were able to convey a lot in only a few lines.
I like the two last lines. They go well together and flow nicely.
Ok..it seems to me that this is about a person that does things like cutting to hurt themselves and now has stopped so she/he must feel better no? Why do they say that now they hurt more than ever? Perhaps I got the whole idea wrong?
Also Frosted Flakes? I wonder if that means something more than its literal meaning?
Interesting poem-makes you think. I like that.
S
12SuzannaRThanks for your review :)
I liked this. I'm no good with rhyming myself (well, I've never tried it)
I like how it's about something dark, sad-you were able to convey a lot in only a few lines.
I like the two last lines. They go well together and flow nicely.
Ok..it seems to me that this is about a person that does things like cutting to hurt themselves and now has stopped so she/he must feel better no? Why do they say that now they hurt more than ever? Perhaps I got the whole idea wrong?
Also Frosted Flakes? I wonder if that means something more than its literal meaning?
Interesting poem-makes you think. I like that.
S
1/13/2009 c1 bipedalcooney
I'm not a fan of rhyming, but this works incredibly well. You've still carried the message without pushing the rhyme scheme. And your imagery here is very good too. I like this poem a lot. Keep writing!
I'm not a fan of rhyming, but this works incredibly well. You've still carried the message without pushing the rhyme scheme. And your imagery here is very good too. I like this poem a lot. Keep writing!
12/15/2008 c1 3RoseInk
I like what you did with this. I think it accurately portrays the behavior of self-injury and recovery. In a world wide web full (FULL) of dark, doomy, depressing poetry on the subject of cutting/self-injury, here's this slightly playful, cheerful poem. And it seems more honest than a hundred of those emo-cutter poems. I personally went through something like this, way back in the day, and never felt like I could relate to melodramatic self-injury poetry. I can relate to this. Good job. If you have time, I'd like you to review some of my own work. Especially Horse. It's nearly done and before I finish it I'd like some info of what you like/hate about it. Thanx!
3RoseInkI like what you did with this. I think it accurately portrays the behavior of self-injury and recovery. In a world wide web full (FULL) of dark, doomy, depressing poetry on the subject of cutting/self-injury, here's this slightly playful, cheerful poem. And it seems more honest than a hundred of those emo-cutter poems. I personally went through something like this, way back in the day, and never felt like I could relate to melodramatic self-injury poetry. I can relate to this. Good job. If you have time, I'd like you to review some of my own work. Especially Horse. It's nearly done and before I finish it I'd like some info of what you like/hate about it. Thanx!
12/14/2008 c1 4B. J. Winters
I liked the ending in particular - it flows well and conveys the point. The line "this shirt feels so strange, my arms feel so bare" felt redundant, because you already made the point...I think you could actually eliminate that line, and remove the 'but' from the skin unmarked line, so you don't have two buts in a row, and tighten the poem.
I enjoyed it.
4B. J. WintersI liked the ending in particular - it flows well and conveys the point. The line "this shirt feels so strange, my arms feel so bare" felt redundant, because you already made the point...I think you could actually eliminate that line, and remove the 'but' from the skin unmarked line, so you don't have two buts in a row, and tighten the poem.
I enjoyed it.
12/13/2008 c1 FuckMeAlice
This is a really unconventional poem, and I really like it just because of how unconventional it is. My only problem would be how long some of the lines are. Try cutting thm down a little.
-Stardust.
This is a really unconventional poem, and I really like it just because of how unconventional it is. My only problem would be how long some of the lines are. Try cutting thm down a little.
-Stardust.
12/12/2008 c1 24Soen22
Brilliance! That's exactly how I feel sometimes only my arms used to have pinching scars on them, no way could I have gotten away with a knife. It was very very sad. From the title you would expect something happy or cheerful or silly but it's not. Only thing is the line "But at least my skin is unmarked now; no reason for people to stare" seemed a little too long the semi-colon should have fixed that but it still feels too long.That was probably my favorite line though. Also your rhyming was a teensy bit inconsistent
just at the end, first it was unseen; mean, bare;stare the pattern was the very next line rhymes, then the last three lines it's be;line;see but I understand it's not like you can keep that pattern with an odd number of lines, I do it all the time so I'm one to talk
24Soen22Brilliance! That's exactly how I feel sometimes only my arms used to have pinching scars on them, no way could I have gotten away with a knife. It was very very sad. From the title you would expect something happy or cheerful or silly but it's not. Only thing is the line "But at least my skin is unmarked now; no reason for people to stare" seemed a little too long the semi-colon should have fixed that but it still feels too long.That was probably my favorite line though. Also your rhyming was a teensy bit inconsistent
just at the end, first it was unseen; mean, bare;stare the pattern was the very next line rhymes, then the last three lines it's be;line;see but I understand it's not like you can keep that pattern with an odd number of lines, I do it all the time so I'm one to talk
12/12/2008 c1 fleur de l'est
This reminds me of what my friend said (I am DESPERATELY sorry if this is not what you're talking about) after she stopped self-injury.
I loved the rhyme (I'm obsessed with rhyming) and there is a good beat - some of the lines are pretty long but they work well nevertheless.
I particularly enjoyed the contrast between the outside and the inside - things look fine. That simply means they're worse.
~fleur
This reminds me of what my friend said (I am DESPERATELY sorry if this is not what you're talking about) after she stopped self-injury.
I loved the rhyme (I'm obsessed with rhyming) and there is a good beat - some of the lines are pretty long but they work well nevertheless.
I particularly enjoyed the contrast between the outside and the inside - things look fine. That simply means they're worse.
~fleur
12/11/2008 c1 14Thoughtful Silence
Heh, i've said it before, but i love how easily you seem to portray real, brutal emotion. Even little things like the frosted flakes comment makes it feel so... personal. This was great. It's quite an almost... cliched topic nowadays, but you've written it with originality.
I love the rhyme, though as someone who can never do it, i also kinda envy you. Though "(if you know what I mean)" felt like it was only there to serve as a way to rhyme which wasn't so good.
Well, this was excellent excellent excellent :) Keep up the work.
- Silence
14Thoughtful SilenceHeh, i've said it before, but i love how easily you seem to portray real, brutal emotion. Even little things like the frosted flakes comment makes it feel so... personal. This was great. It's quite an almost... cliched topic nowadays, but you've written it with originality.
I love the rhyme, though as someone who can never do it, i also kinda envy you. Though "(if you know what I mean)" felt like it was only there to serve as a way to rhyme which wasn't so good.
Well, this was excellent excellent excellent :) Keep up the work.
- Silence
12/11/2008 c1 im.a.werewolf.rawr
I like it. It's kinda bubbly with a hidden darkness, if that made any sense. Good job.
I like it. It's kinda bubbly with a hidden darkness, if that made any sense. Good job.