for An Imprint of Grief3/5/2009 c1 
165RandomUser674
I love the imagery in this poem! The rhyme scheme is also quite interesting, but good! Great job! :)
165RandomUser674I love the imagery in this poem! The rhyme scheme is also quite interesting, but good! Great job! :)
2/13/2009 c1 13ZajblueZz
This poem was extremely moving. I particularly liked your use of "some sweet sun" to amplify your feeling of despair. It made it sound as if you were wishing that anything good would come and take the pain away. I also liked the "concentric poisonous rings" that spread out and made everything around you feel as sad as you did.
13ZajblueZzThis poem was extremely moving. I particularly liked your use of "some sweet sun" to amplify your feeling of despair. It made it sound as if you were wishing that anything good would come and take the pain away. I also liked the "concentric poisonous rings" that spread out and made everything around you feel as sad as you did.
2/9/2009 c1 18Serious Sonneteer
Not a bad attempt at chiastic rhyming. The images are not all that impressive and original, though, except in the last stanza, where you wrote 'concentric poisonous rings' perhaps to refer to what? Toadstools? Am I right?
Well, if I am, it's an interesting and very original comparison anyway.
However, I do have problems here and there.
The first line - 'A sense of misery on me shrouds' - is very awkward, due in part to the inversion of natural word order and the preposition error.
Rather than ON, shouldn't it be OVER or AROUND?
In the second line, you wrote SOME SWEET SUN, which is also rather weird. Don't you mean THE?
Also, the last line sounds forced. Maybe your description of weeping flowers is meant to enhance the mood of despair or melancholy but it's written in such a forced way to me at least.
All in all it's still a fairly decent job.
18Serious SonneteerNot a bad attempt at chiastic rhyming. The images are not all that impressive and original, though, except in the last stanza, where you wrote 'concentric poisonous rings' perhaps to refer to what? Toadstools? Am I right?
Well, if I am, it's an interesting and very original comparison anyway.
However, I do have problems here and there.
The first line - 'A sense of misery on me shrouds' - is very awkward, due in part to the inversion of natural word order and the preposition error.
Rather than ON, shouldn't it be OVER or AROUND?
In the second line, you wrote SOME SWEET SUN, which is also rather weird. Don't you mean THE?
Also, the last line sounds forced. Maybe your description of weeping flowers is meant to enhance the mood of despair or melancholy but it's written in such a forced way to me at least.
All in all it's still a fairly decent job.
1/22/2009 c1 6XxSisterGrimmXx
you have a very unique style!
Few people can pull off rhyming poems. Fortunately, you are one of the few who can!
6XxSisterGrimmXxyou have a very unique style!
Few people can pull off rhyming poems. Fortunately, you are one of the few who can!
1/20/2009 c1 7EleventhHour
I like the rhyming scheme you used here. Adds a choppiness to the poem that works quite well with the subject matter. Good stuff.
7EleventhHourI like the rhyming scheme you used here. Adds a choppiness to the poem that works quite well with the subject matter. Good stuff.
1/20/2009 c1 1Screams-At-Midnight
All your poems are like, really moving.
i love them and the way you write :)
Screams x
1Screams-At-MidnightAll your poems are like, really moving.
i love them and the way you write :)
Screams x
1/19/2009 c1 42Delilah Loved It
Aw how sad. Great poem though. I really liked it. You're very good. :D
42Delilah Loved ItAw how sad. Great poem though. I really liked it. You're very good. :D
1/17/2009 c1 37TaltushMeiMei
Vivid imagery, nice writing. I know you said you don't really take constructive criticism. Unfortunately that's how I roll, so here's some anyways (don't hate me):
There's something to this poem that's kind of bland. You insert a person into the poem, but it nonetheless seems to lack flair. Maybe it's because the poem is vaguely common. There's not much here to distinguish you as a writer as opposed to many others. The rhyming sequence gives the poem a bit of personality, but not enough to offset the mostly dull story. The "dark" undertones try to bring something into the poem, but it comes off relatively flat and common as well. It's only the really great imagery and writing that rescues this poem. If you were a sub-par writer, this poem would be one to discard.
However, your writing is good, so here's my suggestion. This poem is done with, posted, and is clearly what you wanted to say. A big part of poetry for me is the creativity aspect and if you want to write a super-great-amazing poem that even evil-reviewer-I will like, I'd recommend finding a topic that hits close to home and applying your great writing to it. Give the poem personality. Give it a spark that shows every reader exactly who wrote it. It can still be dark and depressing if that's what you want (we all have guilty pleasures), yes, I know!
It's not even that this poem here is bad, it's just that "An Imprint of Grief" didn't ultimately move me in any way shape or form. It showed me an image and told me a familiar story without giving it a new twist or spark. I'd love to see how you apply your writing style to something with more flair. Sorry for the long rant, but I believe the only way to improve is to learn. Again, mild apologies.
37TaltushMeiMeiVivid imagery, nice writing. I know you said you don't really take constructive criticism. Unfortunately that's how I roll, so here's some anyways (don't hate me):
There's something to this poem that's kind of bland. You insert a person into the poem, but it nonetheless seems to lack flair. Maybe it's because the poem is vaguely common. There's not much here to distinguish you as a writer as opposed to many others. The rhyming sequence gives the poem a bit of personality, but not enough to offset the mostly dull story. The "dark" undertones try to bring something into the poem, but it comes off relatively flat and common as well. It's only the really great imagery and writing that rescues this poem. If you were a sub-par writer, this poem would be one to discard.
However, your writing is good, so here's my suggestion. This poem is done with, posted, and is clearly what you wanted to say. A big part of poetry for me is the creativity aspect and if you want to write a super-great-amazing poem that even evil-reviewer-I will like, I'd recommend finding a topic that hits close to home and applying your great writing to it. Give the poem personality. Give it a spark that shows every reader exactly who wrote it. It can still be dark and depressing if that's what you want (we all have guilty pleasures), yes, I know!
It's not even that this poem here is bad, it's just that "An Imprint of Grief" didn't ultimately move me in any way shape or form. It showed me an image and told me a familiar story without giving it a new twist or spark. I'd love to see how you apply your writing style to something with more flair. Sorry for the long rant, but I believe the only way to improve is to learn. Again, mild apologies.
1/14/2009 c1 10Silence.Do.Bad
My favorite part of the poem was the entire last stanza. I think the imagery was uber powerful.
Just a question about the title, why did you use "an" instead of "the"? Are you trying to say that this sort of feeling happens with all grief or trying to speak about one moment that was particularly profound?
My English teacher was a nut for the articles in my poetry class. Her favorite title ever was "The Door You Might Not Open And You Did" by Edna St. Vincent Millay. We had hour long discussions on why she used "and" instead of "but" to get her point across.
So yeah, I had to ask what lead to you to that decision.
10Silence.Do.BadMy favorite part of the poem was the entire last stanza. I think the imagery was uber powerful.
Just a question about the title, why did you use "an" instead of "the"? Are you trying to say that this sort of feeling happens with all grief or trying to speak about one moment that was particularly profound?
My English teacher was a nut for the articles in my poetry class. Her favorite title ever was "The Door You Might Not Open And You Did" by Edna St. Vincent Millay. We had hour long discussions on why she used "and" instead of "but" to get her point across.
So yeah, I had to ask what lead to you to that decision.
1/10/2009 c1 Isca
"But the sun has hidden behind the clouds." Lovely imagery!
"And the grass seems to be rotting away." Ah, the slow decay of life. You described this well.
"Now the light is dim and the flowers weep." All hope is lost.
"But the sun has hidden behind the clouds." Lovely imagery!
"And the grass seems to be rotting away." Ah, the slow decay of life. You described this well.
"Now the light is dim and the flowers weep." All hope is lost.
1/10/2009 c1 40Jareth the Monk
Sorry I didn't get your review for several days, but here's one in return. The feeling is of approaching storms and water images like tears and concentric rings like wavelets in a pool or lake, spreading, flooding, drowninng. You might want to add a stanza emphasizing a growing sense of inundation and peril from negative energy. It only gets worse in other words (meaning grief, not the poem- the poem is very good).
40Jareth the MonkSorry I didn't get your review for several days, but here's one in return. The feeling is of approaching storms and water images like tears and concentric rings like wavelets in a pool or lake, spreading, flooding, drowninng. You might want to add a stanza emphasizing a growing sense of inundation and peril from negative energy. It only gets worse in other words (meaning grief, not the poem- the poem is very good).