for Thump Thump1/12/2010 c1 
12mr mahler
loving your poems, they keep getting better as i read others,
this one i can really connect with.and the one with the verse 'dance dance dance dance' cant remember its title, that moved me. youve got so many.
ill try be more specific nxt time i review your work.
have a look at mine tell me your opinion. thanks
12mr mahlerloving your poems, they keep getting better as i read others,
this one i can really connect with.and the one with the verse 'dance dance dance dance' cant remember its title, that moved me. youve got so many.
ill try be more specific nxt time i review your work.
have a look at mine tell me your opinion. thanks
3/26/2009 c2 8PencilSketchS
each line subtly leads to the next, especially in the first half - here's me trying to be constructive - It's like the obvious problem that nobody sees.
I really like the last four lines
"And there is really no blood at all,
Slick and shiny on the floor.
And possibly it could just be
A mistake"
-It could be a big, huge disaster that's driving me CRAZY, or nothing at all if you're not willing to care, to see. Or think of it as a misguided over reaction, if that makes yo feel better-
Yeah, I think I'm in a strange mood. ALL THE SAME, I LIKED IT
8PencilSketchSeach line subtly leads to the next, especially in the first half - here's me trying to be constructive - It's like the obvious problem that nobody sees.
I really like the last four lines
"And there is really no blood at all,
Slick and shiny on the floor.
And possibly it could just be
A mistake"
-It could be a big, huge disaster that's driving me CRAZY, or nothing at all if you're not willing to care, to see. Or think of it as a misguided over reaction, if that makes yo feel better-
Yeah, I think I'm in a strange mood. ALL THE SAME, I LIKED IT
3/26/2009 c1 PencilSketchS
I'm not sure if you're being figurative or literal. But I can say I like the format, I like the descriptions, I like the "thump, thump". Why would you want to know your heart outlived you, does that mean you were loved even after death? Does that mean an senseless, thoughtless part of your body survived even when your mind died. Was it betrayal...I think I'm thinking a bit too much...and writing too much for someone who sucks at poetry.
I'm not sure if you're being figurative or literal. But I can say I like the format, I like the descriptions, I like the "thump, thump". Why would you want to know your heart outlived you, does that mean you were loved even after death? Does that mean an senseless, thoughtless part of your body survived even when your mind died. Was it betrayal...I think I'm thinking a bit too much...and writing too much for someone who sucks at poetry.