for Betrayal12/16/2008 c2 Left FP
Stay a bit focused on your grammar...we may not always like what the Microsoft Help throws up, but you should remember that it is just a unbiased third person critic and wouldn't want to hurt your writing...it's up to you to pay heed to the help...of course, they're not extremely offensive grammar mistakes...I guess all of us makes mistakes whilst writing/typing really fast...I bet there are plenty of errors in my work...reading them over in fictionpress itself, points themselves out to me...it is advisable to go over your own work at least thrice, before posting them...
Also, it would be great if you broke up your sentences a bit. I do understand that when you write, you cannot hold back and the sentences frame themselves in your mind even before you can type them out...
I am not much of a critic but, I hope this helps. You said that you're working on your story...I look forward to reading it...it has an interesting theme and I am glad to have come across such a brilliant piece of work...
If only you paid attention to the minute details, this will be a wonderful story. As I said before, you can portray the feelings of Jaci very well. Take pride in that, for not many people can boast about the talent of making their characters seem this real and believable...(I certainly couldn't)...
I would also like to know your thoughts about my story VENGEANCE...it is very close to my heart...hope to hear from you soon...
Best wishes,
Misty Elizabeth
Stay a bit focused on your grammar...we may not always like what the Microsoft Help throws up, but you should remember that it is just a unbiased third person critic and wouldn't want to hurt your writing...it's up to you to pay heed to the help...of course, they're not extremely offensive grammar mistakes...I guess all of us makes mistakes whilst writing/typing really fast...I bet there are plenty of errors in my work...reading them over in fictionpress itself, points themselves out to me...it is advisable to go over your own work at least thrice, before posting them...
Also, it would be great if you broke up your sentences a bit. I do understand that when you write, you cannot hold back and the sentences frame themselves in your mind even before you can type them out...
I am not much of a critic but, I hope this helps. You said that you're working on your story...I look forward to reading it...it has an interesting theme and I am glad to have come across such a brilliant piece of work...
If only you paid attention to the minute details, this will be a wonderful story. As I said before, you can portray the feelings of Jaci very well. Take pride in that, for not many people can boast about the talent of making their characters seem this real and believable...(I certainly couldn't)...
I would also like to know your thoughts about my story VENGEANCE...it is very close to my heart...hope to hear from you soon...
Best wishes,
Misty Elizabeth
12/15/2008 c1 Left FP
Nice beginning...I like where this is going...but you should use shorter sentences...extremely mysterious and really, I felt the emotion Jaci is feeling...you're good at channeling emotions...
Nice beginning...I like where this is going...but you should use shorter sentences...extremely mysterious and really, I felt the emotion Jaci is feeling...you're good at channeling emotions...
12/15/2008 c2 
3RoseInk
Interesting story. I love the name of your character, Jaci. Is it with a hard or soft c? Like Jackie or Jay-see? Anyway, the epilogue was very good, and effective in creating this tension and suspense for the reader. However, I would work on adding more description and shorter sentences. In the first chapter, the paragraphs that start out "She pondered the pro's and con's..." and "Fortunately, Jaci..." seem to hold way too much info and backstory. It was a little confusing, and it seemed like the information was too important for the story to NOT be elaborated on! Anyway, I think you're doing a great job with the story. Great use of suspense. If you have the time, why not click over to my page and read some of my work? I hope you enjoy them. I love constructive reviews.
3RoseInkInteresting story. I love the name of your character, Jaci. Is it with a hard or soft c? Like Jackie or Jay-see? Anyway, the epilogue was very good, and effective in creating this tension and suspense for the reader. However, I would work on adding more description and shorter sentences. In the first chapter, the paragraphs that start out "She pondered the pro's and con's..." and "Fortunately, Jaci..." seem to hold way too much info and backstory. It was a little confusing, and it seemed like the information was too important for the story to NOT be elaborated on! Anyway, I think you're doing a great job with the story. Great use of suspense. If you have the time, why not click over to my page and read some of my work? I hope you enjoy them. I love constructive reviews.