for Polaroid Moments3/19/2009 c1 
3Balliett
i love the detail. you're an artiste, i'd say. i like to think of it as dipping your paintbrush in a muted rainbow of paint and smearing it across the canvas with soft, gentle strokes. it's beautiful.
hm. from this i derive that live is many picture-perfect moments that you just want to capture and keep forever. it really suits the way i feel right now.
i've also noticed that you seem to have a similar obsession as me. we both seem to have a deep adoration for eyelashes, necks, and lips. (;
maybe, you can try a bit of experimentation now. throw in some punctuation for spice! try a different formatting. as long as you know the rules, you can break the rules. :3
3Ballietti love the detail. you're an artiste, i'd say. i like to think of it as dipping your paintbrush in a muted rainbow of paint and smearing it across the canvas with soft, gentle strokes. it's beautiful.
hm. from this i derive that live is many picture-perfect moments that you just want to capture and keep forever. it really suits the way i feel right now.
i've also noticed that you seem to have a similar obsession as me. we both seem to have a deep adoration for eyelashes, necks, and lips. (;
maybe, you can try a bit of experimentation now. throw in some punctuation for spice! try a different formatting. as long as you know the rules, you can break the rules. :3
1/6/2009 c1 10zeropop
woww, it`s been forever since i`ve been on FP.
which is why i haven`t reviewed this or any of your new stuff yet .
well newish, i suppose it`s not new now _
the alerts have been sitting in my inbox FOREVER
and i keep procrastinating.
until today :D
i kick myself for not reading these sooner,
so you don`t have to :D
^_^
ANYHOO,
on with my actual review _
Fantastical !
it`s so magical & adorable.
i love how you write.
rating:
5 smiles & sighs out of 5 ;D
also, i was listening to the song The saltwater room by Owl City when i read this,
and it fits pretty well.
you should check it? xD
10zeropopwoww, it`s been forever since i`ve been on FP.
which is why i haven`t reviewed this or any of your new stuff yet .
well newish, i suppose it`s not new now _
the alerts have been sitting in my inbox FOREVER
and i keep procrastinating.
until today :D
i kick myself for not reading these sooner,
so you don`t have to :D
^_^
ANYHOO,
on with my actual review _
Fantastical !
it`s so magical & adorable.
i love how you write.
rating:
5 smiles & sighs out of 5 ;D
also, i was listening to the song The saltwater room by Owl City when i read this,
and it fits pretty well.
you should check it? xD
12/26/2008 c1 1Kneecap
In short? Sweet ^^.
I have so little to say about this really...
"Cigarette burns on a marble neck column" - that image was beautiful.
"Fevered love when the moon breaks" - I found that line to be incredibly clever, because I thought 'the fever's broken'...and...just the word 'breaks' was what made it clever really xD.
"glaring starlight" - I didn't agree with that image. Starlight is supposed to be soft and illumining. 'Glaring' makes it sound like it disapproves of love and romantic interactions. I place a question mark on that choice of word xD.
'Polaroid moments' was an apt title. Most of the thing you described in here, and the way you described them...seem like the kind of perfect occurences that you only see in pictures, but not in real life.
Overall, nicely done :).
1KneecapIn short? Sweet ^^.
I have so little to say about this really...
"Cigarette burns on a marble neck column" - that image was beautiful.
"Fevered love when the moon breaks" - I found that line to be incredibly clever, because I thought 'the fever's broken'...and...just the word 'breaks' was what made it clever really xD.
"glaring starlight" - I didn't agree with that image. Starlight is supposed to be soft and illumining. 'Glaring' makes it sound like it disapproves of love and romantic interactions. I place a question mark on that choice of word xD.
'Polaroid moments' was an apt title. Most of the thing you described in here, and the way you described them...seem like the kind of perfect occurences that you only see in pictures, but not in real life.
Overall, nicely done :).
12/22/2008 c1 22effervescent-sentiments
Poignant, resonant images that use all of the senses - excellent. Nice use of internal rhyme and alliteration. I especially like "bare bagel," "swan-folded napkin," and the image of "glaring starlight." Really powerful.
I would suggest adding punctuation to make the flow more coherent - it would make your poem stronger, I promise.
Overall, this is one of the best poems I've read in a while, and you're a very intelligent poet. Kudos.
~Effervescent-Sentiments
22effervescent-sentimentsPoignant, resonant images that use all of the senses - excellent. Nice use of internal rhyme and alliteration. I especially like "bare bagel," "swan-folded napkin," and the image of "glaring starlight." Really powerful.
I would suggest adding punctuation to make the flow more coherent - it would make your poem stronger, I promise.
Overall, this is one of the best poems I've read in a while, and you're a very intelligent poet. Kudos.
~Effervescent-Sentiments