for Answers3/8/2009 c1 DLETE THIS OLD
great story! :D and i was barely confused by the dialogue, so good job on that :)
great story! :D and i was barely confused by the dialogue, so good job on that :)
1/4/2009 c1 lola
i dont really get this story, but if i did then it probably would be really good.
i dont really get this story, but if i did then it probably would be really good.
12/27/2008 c1 
13Nicki BluIs
I like the format. It's new (at least to me) and brings attention to only the important words.
This line:
"Specify food, Carter." pause. -grins sadistically- "Or should I say... Mary."
ruined the flow.
In every other part the adverbs are at the end and not italicized. I don't think sadistically will fit at the end of the sentence but you could probably cut it out and still convey the meaning. Besides that I don’t even think sadistically is an appropriate adverb for what your trying to convey, especially the second time you use it.
One thing I did notice is that Carter didn't answer Messer's last question… I think it would have fit the pattern better and would have been a more complete ending if she answered… in one way or another.
Overall a simple, fun read. Thanks a lot!
Nicki :P
This review has been brought to you by the Review Game's Review Marathon. (link in my profile)
13Nicki BluIsI like the format. It's new (at least to me) and brings attention to only the important words.
This line:
"Specify food, Carter." pause. -grins sadistically- "Or should I say... Mary."
ruined the flow.
In every other part the adverbs are at the end and not italicized. I don't think sadistically will fit at the end of the sentence but you could probably cut it out and still convey the meaning. Besides that I don’t even think sadistically is an appropriate adverb for what your trying to convey, especially the second time you use it.
One thing I did notice is that Carter didn't answer Messer's last question… I think it would have fit the pattern better and would have been a more complete ending if she answered… in one way or another.
Overall a simple, fun read. Thanks a lot!
Nicki :P
This review has been brought to you by the Review Game's Review Marathon. (link in my profile)
12/21/2008 c1 4organizationroxas
hii. found this on SKoW.
umm. is this a prologue to an actual written story or is it one-shot or is the entire story going to be in this format?
If it's a one-shot or the format of the entire story, it probably should be a play :S
BUT. other than that, I like it. I'm curious about these two characters. :)
4organizationroxashii. found this on SKoW.
umm. is this a prologue to an actual written story or is it one-shot or is the entire story going to be in this format?
If it's a one-shot or the format of the entire story, it probably should be a play :S
BUT. other than that, I like it. I'm curious about these two characters. :)
12/21/2008 c1 2artistic dreamer
very very cute! continue writing a sequel or something! :D that would be even better! :D
2artistic dreamervery very cute! continue writing a sequel or something! :D that would be even better! :D
12/21/2008 c1 7Faithfully Yours
Well, you have intrigued me. =) I think more would be quite appropriate. Haha.
7Faithfully YoursWell, you have intrigued me. =) I think more would be quite appropriate. Haha.
12/21/2008 c1 10nul
Idon'twearcontacts.Idon'twearcontacts.
Haha, suave!
I normally don't like reading conversation one-shots, like these, but it was really good.
There were points to were I was confused to who was talking, but it was easy to figure out.
I liked how you added the facial expressions of Messer.
Why was Messer so shocked (I don't know if you were implying him to be sarcastic or something) when he found out that everyone in her Kindergarten class knew her middle name?
Well written!
kthnxbai,
Martin the Waterskier
10nulIdon'twearcontacts.Idon'twearcontacts.
Haha, suave!
I normally don't like reading conversation one-shots, like these, but it was really good.
There were points to were I was confused to who was talking, but it was easy to figure out.
I liked how you added the facial expressions of Messer.
Why was Messer so shocked (I don't know if you were implying him to be sarcastic or something) when he found out that everyone in her Kindergarten class knew her middle name?
Well written!
kthnxbai,
Martin the Waterskier
12/19/2008 c1 olivia
its good. i like the characters attitudes. but sometimes i found it confusing to know who was talking.
its good. i like the characters attitudes. but sometimes i found it confusing to know who was talking.