
12/21/2008 c1
5Maplewing
Cool concept. I like that while you let the reader know the basics, there wasn't an overwhelming amount of description. The use of Switzerland was good too, as well as the use of the word "cold". Just one thing that caught my eye in the beginning was the repitition of the word "metal". You might want to change that word to something else in the second sentence. But that's about all as far as little mistakes. Overall, nice job. :)

Cool concept. I like that while you let the reader know the basics, there wasn't an overwhelming amount of description. The use of Switzerland was good too, as well as the use of the word "cold". Just one thing that caught my eye in the beginning was the repitition of the word "metal". You might want to change that word to something else in the second sentence. But that's about all as far as little mistakes. Overall, nice job. :)