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for Christmas Again

12/25/2008 c1 7I. Degolier
Great idea to have an annual Christmas story! I like your descriptions of New York at Christmas and your character development. Your character Heather seems very real to me. I also like the realistic dialogue. I was a bit confused because there's a minor typo where Rob says he's good at listening because he's a physiology major, but then I figured out it was psychology. I like how you include descriptions of his coursework, it makes the story very realistic.
12/24/2008 c1 18LeenaAmara
Wow. Not what I was expecting.

I love it. Best Christmas present to your readers, ever.

Happy Holidays.
12/24/2008 c1 10nul
I liked it, though it seemed unrealistic in some parts of it.

I can picture someone asking you if you're okay.

I can vaguely picture allowing someone to cry on you.

That part seemed slightly odd, I think someone would be like, "Uhm. Well. Ahem. I. I. I gotta. Go?" Or something like that. :P

But after Heather was all like, "Sorry. I shouldn't have done that" (or something a long those lines) it made it better.

What I can't picture however is this guy spending the whole day with her. And I know that you're trying to make this guy into some sort of perfect gentleman but AHH.

It just seems really weird.

But other than that, I thought this story was extremely cute.

And Heather's luck, was astounding? hehe.

There was one thing that confused me.

In the part where Heather and Rob are talking about the essays they had/are writing, Rob mentions the essay of children and Heather goes, "And who didn't love a big softy?"

I think, but am not sure, it should be "doesn't" there instead:

"..And who doesn't love a big softy."

But I may be wrong.

When I skimmed through the summary (don't ask me how that's possible. I know it's only 2 lines or so. :P), I got the impression that Rob was one of Heather's past loves.

I went back and read the summary, and I saw that I missed the last line of it. "And found love." or something like that.

Speaking about your summary, again. The last sentence, I realized, doesn't really make sense:

"She was expecting the pain of the memories...but not meeting Rob and finding love."

It's confusing, and one word made it the whole confusion.


And, I also think you should change "the" into "her".

Basically, I think rewording that last line would be a good idea. Something like:

"She was expecting the pain of HER memories. Meeting Rob and finding love was not what she was expecting."

Or something like that.

I love how I'm talking more about your summary then your story BUT that's because your stories basically had no errors that I could see.

And that's a swell thing. :D

Hope my feedback is beneficial

Nicely written.


Martin the Waterskier

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