for Unpopularity6/19/2012 c4 
2Cenobite829
I was all cool with every other song you used except for the horrific cover that is John Mayer's Free Fallin'. Go for the original by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. That one is much better.
2Cenobite829I was all cool with every other song you used except for the horrific cover that is John Mayer's Free Fallin'. Go for the original by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. That one is much better.
3/14/2010 c1 WritingWithChocolate
Hey!
I just finished the prologue (not much time :[ But I'll get to the rest tomorrow, hopefully). It was short, but it gave me a lot of information, so plus!
The second sentence sounds a bit run-on-y to me. Maybe try changing it to something like "My father was a pretty wealthy doctor before he died. Of course, he left us some money, but that wasn't as important to our family."
Also, I don't think you need the excessive exclamation points at the end.
Other than that, I love the whole idea of the story (I'm a sucker for cliches XD).
Hey!
I just finished the prologue (not much time :[ But I'll get to the rest tomorrow, hopefully). It was short, but it gave me a lot of information, so plus!
The second sentence sounds a bit run-on-y to me. Maybe try changing it to something like "My father was a pretty wealthy doctor before he died. Of course, he left us some money, but that wasn't as important to our family."
Also, I don't think you need the excessive exclamation points at the end.
Other than that, I love the whole idea of the story (I'm a sucker for cliches XD).
12/22/2009 c21 7Writing Reality
FREAKING CUTE! :D
Love it!
ahah you should have made it M though :)
-x-
Padmai -Hidden Assassin-
7Writing RealityFREAKING CUTE! :D
Love it!
ahah you should have made it M though :)
-x-
Padmai -Hidden Assassin-
10/4/2009 c1 threm
pretty monotonous start/
pretty monotonous start/
7/11/2009 c21 6theRaven'sDesk
I really liked your story. It was a great story line, but it probably could have had some more detail, it felt really rushed. It was good though. keep it up
6theRaven'sDeskI really liked your story. It was a great story line, but it probably could have had some more detail, it felt really rushed. It was good though. keep it up
6/17/2009 c13 emily
THIS STORY IS SO AMAZING :D IM SOO HAPPY NOW THIS MADE ME DAY
THIS STORY IS SO AMAZING :D IM SOO HAPPY NOW THIS MADE ME DAY
5/26/2009 c2 5HelloLovely
Hey, I think the storyline is good, but the grammar of the story needs a little work. Mostly when people are talking. You tend to have them talk in run on sentences with no breath.
Love,
Becca
5HelloLovelyHey, I think the storyline is good, but the grammar of the story needs a little work. Mostly when people are talking. You tend to have them talk in run on sentences with no breath.
Love,
Becca
5/25/2009 c21 1Kiri Hanna
loved the story. I just wish Candace got what she deserved. Hate that bitch!
1Kiri Hannaloved the story. I just wish Candace got what she deserved. Hate that bitch!