for Shackled5/23/2009 c1 
612simpleplan13
I like the third person here. I think it's interesting because normally this kind of piece would be from the POV of the person who was shackled.
I like the piece itself. It's a nice description of how people get shackled. I also like the word choice of crush in the last line... lol.
PS Check out the Review Game and/or the Review Marathon (links in my profile).
612simpleplan13I like the third person here. I think it's interesting because normally this kind of piece would be from the POV of the person who was shackled.
I like the piece itself. It's a nice description of how people get shackled. I also like the word choice of crush in the last line... lol.
PS Check out the Review Game and/or the Review Marathon (links in my profile).
4/11/2009 c1 97rust phoenix
I love how you managed to say so much in so few words. This is a strong poem, and the last line is haunting. The flow/punctuation gives it the impact it needs.
97rust phoenixI love how you managed to say so much in so few words. This is a strong poem, and the last line is haunting. The flow/punctuation gives it the impact it needs.
2/24/2009 c1 18Lime-Cat
Your prize from the TBT! :D
You have an interesting perspective here. Personally, I love perspective poems because they tend to bring about creativity. The hard stops at the end of each line works very well - it's very commanding and is appropriate for the situation illustrated in this poem.
Another thing that I found particularly interesting is the number of syllables in each line of your poem. In order, the number of syllables per line go: 4, 9, 6, 7, 5, 8. The number of syllables range from 4-9 even though it's not in sequential order. haha.
This is a very powerful poem and it exudes a dominant attitude. The language in this poem suggests there are at least 2 (or more) speakers: one doing the actual speaking (active) and another spectating (inactive). The last line caught me by (wonderful) surprise - it's quite cruel, but it fits the image of this poem perfectly. It works quite well, of course, because it is so unexpected. Great job!
I also like the rhetorical question in this poem even though I was unsure about it at first. The question only serves to prove a point and it did just that - just like all the other lines prove a point. :)
OMG! I didn't have anything negative to say! lol. I hope you enjoyed one of my nice, positive (and rare) reviews. ;)
-Lime
18Lime-CatYour prize from the TBT! :D
You have an interesting perspective here. Personally, I love perspective poems because they tend to bring about creativity. The hard stops at the end of each line works very well - it's very commanding and is appropriate for the situation illustrated in this poem.
Another thing that I found particularly interesting is the number of syllables in each line of your poem. In order, the number of syllables per line go: 4, 9, 6, 7, 5, 8. The number of syllables range from 4-9 even though it's not in sequential order. haha.
This is a very powerful poem and it exudes a dominant attitude. The language in this poem suggests there are at least 2 (or more) speakers: one doing the actual speaking (active) and another spectating (inactive). The last line caught me by (wonderful) surprise - it's quite cruel, but it fits the image of this poem perfectly. It works quite well, of course, because it is so unexpected. Great job!
I also like the rhetorical question in this poem even though I was unsure about it at first. The question only serves to prove a point and it did just that - just like all the other lines prove a point. :)
OMG! I didn't have anything negative to say! lol. I hope you enjoyed one of my nice, positive (and rare) reviews. ;)
-Lime
2/17/2009 c1 4B. J. Winters
Short, sweet and to the point - delivery fitting with a theme of limited movement. I like that each line ends with punctuation. I'm not convinced on the question mark though - I could see this rephrased as a statement or condemnation. To question seems a bit off, and yet it adds tension...so I'm torn on that advice.
Enjoyable. I can't write poetry well myself, so I like to admire others.
4B. J. WintersShort, sweet and to the point - delivery fitting with a theme of limited movement. I like that each line ends with punctuation. I'm not convinced on the question mark though - I could see this rephrased as a statement or condemnation. To question seems a bit off, and yet it adds tension...so I'm torn on that advice.
Enjoyable. I can't write poetry well myself, so I like to admire others.
2/13/2009 c1 Your Blind Date
I suggest you make this as a stanza? Or at least center it so it looks poem like?
I like the theme you chose, and how you wrote it; the shackle allusion is common, but the last line was something I haven't seen yet. However, I see eventually as having a vague meaning, non-specific. Is that the way you intended it? A hint of not being sure because of her spirit? Speaking of that, that was one line I didn't like as much. It is trite; I'm one of those in the opinion eyes can't show anything emotionally related or some other deep metaphor. I also felt the line don't let up, as in the let up part, was weak; it either stopped the flow, or wasn't very poetic. Maybe that sums up any vices I had; it lacked a poetic nature. It was rather straight-forward, though adequate in its sending of a message.
Your Blind Date
I suggest you make this as a stanza? Or at least center it so it looks poem like?
I like the theme you chose, and how you wrote it; the shackle allusion is common, but the last line was something I haven't seen yet. However, I see eventually as having a vague meaning, non-specific. Is that the way you intended it? A hint of not being sure because of her spirit? Speaking of that, that was one line I didn't like as much. It is trite; I'm one of those in the opinion eyes can't show anything emotionally related or some other deep metaphor. I also felt the line don't let up, as in the let up part, was weak; it either stopped the flow, or wasn't very poetic. Maybe that sums up any vices I had; it lacked a poetic nature. It was rather straight-forward, though adequate in its sending of a message.
Your Blind Date