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8/5/2012 c11 Guest
PLEASE UPDATE!
10/7/2010 c11 petitelena
I was a bit hesitant reading this story at first because you haven't updated in a year but I'm glad I didn't let that silly excuse stop me from reading. This was such a wonderful story. I have taken a like to the main character, Jane/Jen. Holly is a hoot and Juliet is quite the man. I'm not sure about Mitchell though. He's rather suspicious.

I'm definitely interested to how this will turn out. There's a part of me wishing she'll ended up with Juliet but I quite like how she is with Thomas... I can't decide. Please do update soon.

Greetings from down under,

petitelena
6/20/2009 c11 chng234
i hope jen will not fall deeper for jules. jules is an attractive man but i like her with thomas
6/19/2009 c11 deleted'acc2
I really really meant to review the other version of this chapter... I saw a charcoal convertible Lamborghini and thought about this chapter (even if yours was a Ferrari). Jen must be in Heaven with all that amazing shopping... I'm so jealous.

Glad to see the report format gone! It feels more like a story story now. I also enjoyed the edited version of this chapter too. It feels a lot more complete.

Hope another chapter will come out soon!
6/19/2009 c11 1IamAlionRawr
I've just found your story and I have to tell you that I love it! I've never read any similar ideas and I can't wait to see what happens next!

And incase you were still wondering, I like the report-type format you are writing it in :)
6/18/2009 c11 2WaitingForAnAlibi
Hey, sorry for not reviewing the other chapters; I read the whole story so far just today. I don't usually read stories like this, but you have me hoked! I love Jules; he's pretty much amazing. :) You're a fantastic writer and I can't wait for the next chapter.

Keep up the great work!

Emily.
6/17/2009 c10 A. Nicole
Okay, Part 2. Hope you're finding this helpful and that it's appreciated.

It seems unlikely that she wouldn't have been given a new cell ...specifically one of those fancy hightech untraceable, unbuggable ones that the feds use in books/movies/etc.

Continuity-she stresses around ch. 2 that the slightest mistake could ruin the mission. In that briefing, the character description said she worked as a bartender. But then in her whole independence speech, she says "You know, like bartending" If Juliet had done a background check on her, wouldn't he think something strange? There were a couple other things she's said that don't really seem to match up with the persona she took on.

I like the reports, I doubt that in real life the feds talk to their superiors like that, but hey, it's a novel. Like I said, I like the idea and all, and obviously, I made it thru the whole thing. Good luck finishing and editing!
6/17/2009 c2 A. Nicole
Normally, this is exactly the type of story that I'd love, but I have to admit, I'm having a little trouble getting into it. The writing is good, and the plot is exactly what I'd like to see, but I can't get past some of the details. You should consider doing some research before you go back and edit- Read some FBI novels, do some Google work, even just watch a cop show... There are just some little things that could make the whole situation so much more realistic...

For starters, federal agencies never say "o'clock," and certainly don't say "sixteen o'clock." It would be "sixteen hundred hours" on the standard 24 hour clock.

Also, on the plane, Jane recieved all her briefing papers, put them in her bag, and then just handed the bag to the enemy? Seems like a rookie mistake to me.

(This will be a two part review, I'm out of space!)
6/17/2009 c11 Uh.uh.uh.Hime
Yes, I like this ending too. I saw Holly when you said "recurring character!". I just saw it. Except did you say charrie? I don't remember and I'm just too darn lazy to look. I liked this version. So yeah.
6/17/2009 c11 1BumblingWriter23
What a great shopping day, I'm glad she didn't keep Juliet waiting for long, I would have. Haha! I like the chapter fix, very nice.
6/16/2009 c11 Hime.Hime.HIME
There. A variation. I liked this ending MUCH MORE. MUCH MUCH MUCH BETTER! Whew. Now that that's out of my system. And of course I noticed the date thing - You told me! :) And I must say...My first car was a stick as well. Yay manual cars! Boo, my manual car being gone! :(

Neeways, I liked the ending best out of this whole chappie and I'm glad you redid it. :)
6/16/2009 c11 BumblingWriter23
Yeah I can see that, but if he wasn't pining over her I would... A twist coming? Uh oh! Aw and I thought. It would be over soon. Ah well. Nice job.
6/16/2009 c11 schoggi
I like your story and I'm looking forward to reading more!
6/16/2009 c11 Kate
I'm convinced that the driver is also working for the government. And I'm sure that Jane is going to tell Jules that he's going to get arrested and that she's working for the FBI. He will be furious but he and baby Dennett will escape. Jane will go back to her husband but won't be happy and then she'll leave him and meet up with Jules in the future.
6/15/2009 c11 3Kadekksys
I knew that she's FBI... I was just testing you. Yep, testing :P

And I'm surprised you didn't hear about the great plagiarism scandal of '09. It seriously SUCKED. Em Wolf, Myrika, SamanthaNicole, and Angels and Effects (among others) got hit pretty hard. I think Myrika found like 15 or 16 cases of blatant plag, which is absurd.

Anyways, on to the new chapter...

I think Juliet likes playing house. And why was he acting weird there? It was almost like he was trying to get rid of her.

I want a Ferrari. Thanks.

Also story moves so slowly! FASTER PLEASE! :D
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