for Raindrops9/30/2011 c22 
1ratherbereading125
why are you so damn awful to your characters? i am BEGGING you. please give them a happy ending. and soon.
1ratherbereading125why are you so damn awful to your characters? i am BEGGING you. please give them a happy ending. and soon.
8/8/2010 c22 Story thief
Omg this story is so sad I read it's so fast it was awsome you should try to get it published! I think it should have a happy ending keep writing I have to now how it ends don't kill Ryan or helean I hope this review is long anough please keep writing it rocked
Omg this story is so sad I read it's so fast it was awsome you should try to get it published! I think it should have a happy ending keep writing I have to now how it ends don't kill Ryan or helean I hope this review is long anough please keep writing it rocked
6/4/2010 c9 Wicked Unicorn
By the way, cardiac.arrest, GO FUCKING KILL YOURSELF! It's a fucking story, not a published book. It wouldn't be so sad if it wasn't like that!
By the way, cardiac.arrest, GO FUCKING KILL YOURSELF! It's a fucking story, not a published book. It wouldn't be so sad if it wasn't like that!
6/4/2010 c22 Wicked Unicorn
Yes, i hate you :)
But you must update!
this is so horrible what happened to him. I would've killed myself long time ago. I'm not abused mentaly or physicaly, I've never been raped but i sometimes think about killing myself. I think I'm just waiting for a reason to kill myself. But not before i get to see HIM live =D
Yes, i hate you :)
But you must update!
this is so horrible what happened to him. I would've killed myself long time ago. I'm not abused mentaly or physicaly, I've never been raped but i sometimes think about killing myself. I think I'm just waiting for a reason to kill myself. But not before i get to see HIM live =D
1/1/2010 c8 Rima-Chan
It better go happier towards the ending. It's simply so painful to read this. I don't even know why! It's a writing for god's sake! But it's so good and so real.
It better go happier towards the ending. It's simply so painful to read this. I don't even know why! It's a writing for god's sake! But it's so good and so real.
12/21/2009 c9 4cardiac.arrest
This is one of the unhealthiest relationships I've ever seen portrayed in writing, as well as one of the most irrational. You've clarified that Rayn is both a) homosexual and b) arape victim as well as frequent victim of c)abuse. It's unlikely that Rayn and Helena would fall into such a "loving" relationship given that Rayn's been violated so many times, and that Helena hates her image so much. It's difficult to love someone if you don't love yourself.
Also, on anorexia: people with eating disorders are tricky. They don't come out in the open and say, "Hi, my name is Helena, I like to starve myself 'cause I'm fat." They hid as best as they can and think constantly about food, and how much of it they can't have or will allow themselves to have. Everything is calculated and set so that those around them won't pry into it. You should probably research eating disorders (particularly anorexia and bulimia) a bit closer if you're going to include them in your story.
I do think, that like other pieces of work, "Raindrops
has the potential to be a decent story. However, your characters are unrealistic in their emotions and actions, making them difficult to relate to. The situations are often complex in their brutality, but in a way that reaches towards the logically impossible.
(And really, if you're beating your child while he's on the phone, you're bound to get caught. Realistically, someone would've reported them to DCF and sent Rayn to a foster home.)
I do think that you could value from having your work edited before you upload it. It'd probably be better that the editor isn't someone you're already close with (unless they're capable of being frank), so you don't confuse flattery and sugarcoating as critique.
-cardiac.arrest
4cardiac.arrestThis is one of the unhealthiest relationships I've ever seen portrayed in writing, as well as one of the most irrational. You've clarified that Rayn is both a) homosexual and b) arape victim as well as frequent victim of c)abuse. It's unlikely that Rayn and Helena would fall into such a "loving" relationship given that Rayn's been violated so many times, and that Helena hates her image so much. It's difficult to love someone if you don't love yourself.
Also, on anorexia: people with eating disorders are tricky. They don't come out in the open and say, "Hi, my name is Helena, I like to starve myself 'cause I'm fat." They hid as best as they can and think constantly about food, and how much of it they can't have or will allow themselves to have. Everything is calculated and set so that those around them won't pry into it. You should probably research eating disorders (particularly anorexia and bulimia) a bit closer if you're going to include them in your story.
I do think, that like other pieces of work, "Raindrops
has the potential to be a decent story. However, your characters are unrealistic in their emotions and actions, making them difficult to relate to. The situations are often complex in their brutality, but in a way that reaches towards the logically impossible.
(And really, if you're beating your child while he's on the phone, you're bound to get caught. Realistically, someone would've reported them to DCF and sent Rayn to a foster home.)
I do think that you could value from having your work edited before you upload it. It'd probably be better that the editor isn't someone you're already close with (unless they're capable of being frank), so you don't confuse flattery and sugarcoating as critique.
-cardiac.arrest
7/1/2009 c22 NoUseForAName
So, i know i said i would review every chapter, but i just decided to review chapters 18-22 in one review.
Chapter 18:
Amazing! It was great to get an update (: This chapter made me feel like crying all the way from beginning to end!
Chapter 19:
ARGH! I am so mad at his dad and the people that just sat back and watched him when he needed help! But, the way you wrote the scene where Rayn almost died, was perfect, I loved it
Chapter 20:
Ugh, now Im pissed at Helena for leaving the hospital room... these people are so aggrivating :P
Also, don't you think someone would've noticed Kevin raping Rayn?
Chapter 21:
Why did Helena even let him leave in the first place?
Oh, but YAY! Kevin's dead!... wow, I never thought I'd hear myself say that :P
Chapter 22:
Firstly, great chapter, but the whole scenario is kinda getting repetitive. It's pretty much the same thing over and over
Secondly, I definitley think Rayn's dad should've and would've been brought up at the trial. Just my opinion.
Thirdly, I HATE CLIFF HANGERS. That's all I can say.
Please update ASAP, I look forward to seeing what happens to Rayn and Helena (:
-NoUseForAName
So, i know i said i would review every chapter, but i just decided to review chapters 18-22 in one review.
Chapter 18:
Amazing! It was great to get an update (: This chapter made me feel like crying all the way from beginning to end!
Chapter 19:
ARGH! I am so mad at his dad and the people that just sat back and watched him when he needed help! But, the way you wrote the scene where Rayn almost died, was perfect, I loved it
Chapter 20:
Ugh, now Im pissed at Helena for leaving the hospital room... these people are so aggrivating :P
Also, don't you think someone would've noticed Kevin raping Rayn?
Chapter 21:
Why did Helena even let him leave in the first place?
Oh, but YAY! Kevin's dead!... wow, I never thought I'd hear myself say that :P
Chapter 22:
Firstly, great chapter, but the whole scenario is kinda getting repetitive. It's pretty much the same thing over and over
Secondly, I definitley think Rayn's dad should've and would've been brought up at the trial. Just my opinion.
Thirdly, I HATE CLIFF HANGERS. That's all I can say.
Please update ASAP, I look forward to seeing what happens to Rayn and Helena (:
-NoUseForAName
6/16/2009 c21 MidnightRythm1990
You kill Rayn and i will cyberlly burn you! I mean Nyssa!
anways three chers for killin kevin... too bad Rayn's the one to do... oh well at least he can't hurt Rayn anymore.
You kill Rayn and i will cyberlly burn you! I mean Nyssa!
anways three chers for killin kevin... too bad Rayn's the one to do... oh well at least he can't hurt Rayn anymore.
6/16/2009 c22 10Elosion12
Youre agravating you know that? Lol. How long are you planning on making this story? I was just wondering cause for a while there it seemed like everyone was happy and it would end in a couple chapters but now it seems like we just passed the climax. (Rayn killing Kevin) Well, regarless of what point the story is its a great story and I can't wait for more.
Update Soon!
Elosion12
10Elosion12Youre agravating you know that? Lol. How long are you planning on making this story? I was just wondering cause for a while there it seemed like everyone was happy and it would end in a couple chapters but now it seems like we just passed the climax. (Rayn killing Kevin) Well, regarless of what point the story is its a great story and I can't wait for more.
Update Soon!
Elosion12
6/15/2009 c21 Me
WOOH!Kevins dead!
Oh please dont make Rayn go to jail or something! XD
WOOH!Kevins dead!
Oh please dont make Rayn go to jail or something! XD