for Away from me5/25/2009 c1 Eloquent-Marionette
See? I told you I haven't forgotten about you! But, I do apologize it's taken me this long to review. At any rate, you don't care about my ramblings, I'm sure you're eager for feedback! ^_^ Well, I truly adored this! It actually brought a shiver down my spine. It sounds like something out of a romantic tragedy. I really love it! I think this should be made into a story because it sort of sounds like a Beauty and the Beast type romance. (Beauty and the Beast is one of my favorite Disney movies!) ;P I mean, you don't have to make it a story or anything, but I think if you chose to, it would be very captivating. I love so many things in this but something about the lines "Your love and beauty/Will linger with me./And like dew on a sunny morning/They will soon disappear./Perhaps the memories of you/Will keep me alive" just really struck a chord with me. I love how you likened her love and beauty to dew because love has a tendency to wane and beauty has a tendency to vanish with age, but remembering how someone used to be can be enough to get us through the rough times. I don't know if you meant it like that, but that's what I got from it. hehe. At any rate, I thought it was wonderful and I hope you keep writing! *luvs and hugs*
~Davida
See? I told you I haven't forgotten about you! But, I do apologize it's taken me this long to review. At any rate, you don't care about my ramblings, I'm sure you're eager for feedback! ^_^ Well, I truly adored this! It actually brought a shiver down my spine. It sounds like something out of a romantic tragedy. I really love it! I think this should be made into a story because it sort of sounds like a Beauty and the Beast type romance. (Beauty and the Beast is one of my favorite Disney movies!) ;P I mean, you don't have to make it a story or anything, but I think if you chose to, it would be very captivating. I love so many things in this but something about the lines "Your love and beauty/Will linger with me./And like dew on a sunny morning/They will soon disappear./Perhaps the memories of you/Will keep me alive" just really struck a chord with me. I love how you likened her love and beauty to dew because love has a tendency to wane and beauty has a tendency to vanish with age, but remembering how someone used to be can be enough to get us through the rough times. I don't know if you meant it like that, but that's what I got from it. hehe. At any rate, I thought it was wonderful and I hope you keep writing! *luvs and hugs*
~Davida
1/5/2009 c1 
50Kristina Suko
You write absolutely beautiful poetry, my dear. Really gorgeous.
Only two minimal things.
"The monster within me has only awoken," - I would add "just" before "awoken"
And
"Before he catches a whiff of your fragrance." - whiff... I think I'd change that word to something a little gentler. But I'm not sure what, so it can stay. Breath, maybe?
But other than that, this is so, so, so beautiful. I love it.
~Mara
50Kristina SukoYou write absolutely beautiful poetry, my dear. Really gorgeous.
Only two minimal things.
"The monster within me has only awoken," - I would add "just" before "awoken"
And
"Before he catches a whiff of your fragrance." - whiff... I think I'd change that word to something a little gentler. But I'm not sure what, so it can stay. Breath, maybe?
But other than that, this is so, so, so beautiful. I love it.
~Mara