for Must Be the Apocalypse1/1/2009 c1 
5Somedaymydreamswillcome
Hhm I'm guessing this isn't really picking up chronologically where the others left off?
ahahh My ex-boyfriend's friend used to call me Crazy Girl 'cause I was always so random. ahahah
5SomedaymydreamswillcomeHhm I'm guessing this isn't really picking up chronologically where the others left off?
ahahh My ex-boyfriend's friend used to call me Crazy Girl 'cause I was always so random. ahahah
1/1/2009 c1 12SuzannaR
Ok I found this a bit confusing to read. It seemed to ramble quite a bit, with one thought running into the next before the first one was completed.I didn't like the frequent breaks in the storyline...it made everything seem disjointed to me.
I like that it was written in a strong narrative voice. It brings energy to the story. You may have overdone it though. The narrator sounds like they overdosed on Red Bull or something.
I wonder also who the narrator is. They sound sympathetic to Charlie's pov but it's not him speaking.
The whole point of this chapter was to describe how the two (Lina and Charlie) met no? I think that this could have been done in a more simple/less rambling way. A lot of it seemed like filler to me. For example you keep on and on about how the girl's crazy but didn't explain what was so crazy until the end..and you only used a few lines and it didn't sound crazy really.
Sorry maybe it's just me.
s
s
12SuzannaROk I found this a bit confusing to read. It seemed to ramble quite a bit, with one thought running into the next before the first one was completed.I didn't like the frequent breaks in the storyline...it made everything seem disjointed to me.
I like that it was written in a strong narrative voice. It brings energy to the story. You may have overdone it though. The narrator sounds like they overdosed on Red Bull or something.
I wonder also who the narrator is. They sound sympathetic to Charlie's pov but it's not him speaking.
The whole point of this chapter was to describe how the two (Lina and Charlie) met no? I think that this could have been done in a more simple/less rambling way. A lot of it seemed like filler to me. For example you keep on and on about how the girl's crazy but didn't explain what was so crazy until the end..and you only used a few lines and it didn't sound crazy really.
Sorry maybe it's just me.
s
s
1/1/2009 c1 8Written
PERSONALLY I LOVE IT. okay, I'd already seen some of it before... or like most of it? but I love it ALL OVER AGAIN. I just love how much character your writing has. I know one person said it was a bit much but I think it's a bit awesome, so it's your call haha.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! I'm so glad to be here, personally. reading this story. in the future. 2009. yes.
okay, so here's the deal. I'm taking care of an infant for itunes monies, so I can't type too much because he wakes up when he hears too much of anything. but yes, please, you're awesome. I love it. etc. can't WAIT to read more.
8WrittenPERSONALLY I LOVE IT. okay, I'd already seen some of it before... or like most of it? but I love it ALL OVER AGAIN. I just love how much character your writing has. I know one person said it was a bit much but I think it's a bit awesome, so it's your call haha.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! I'm so glad to be here, personally. reading this story. in the future. 2009. yes.
okay, so here's the deal. I'm taking care of an infant for itunes monies, so I can't type too much because he wakes up when he hears too much of anything. but yes, please, you're awesome. I love it. etc. can't WAIT to read more.
1/1/2009 c1 belle1220
So I'm really excited to read the final part of the Lena/Charlie trilogy, but this was a bit, I don't know, much? There were way too many tangents and trailed off thoughts and randomness. I get that that is how you're writing Charlie's character, but it might get annoying if you keep it up throughout the whole story.
Maybe it's because I loved the Finn version so much that this isn't living up to expectations. I don't know. I'll probably continue reading because I've invested time in the previous stories, but I'm not really liking the Forrester version as of yet.
Happy New Year.
So I'm really excited to read the final part of the Lena/Charlie trilogy, but this was a bit, I don't know, much? There were way too many tangents and trailed off thoughts and randomness. I get that that is how you're writing Charlie's character, but it might get annoying if you keep it up throughout the whole story.
Maybe it's because I loved the Finn version so much that this isn't living up to expectations. I don't know. I'll probably continue reading because I've invested time in the previous stories, but I'm not really liking the Forrester version as of yet.
Happy New Year.
1/1/2009 c1 4xxLilMizCadyxx
Tee hee! I just joined on New Year's Eve, and this was the very FIRST story I read. I am so glad I joined! It was fantasic! Also, I don't know if you meant it to be, but it was humourous too! For me, anyways...
Your spelling and grammar was great too, and I can't wait for the next chapter!
p.S I hope your New Year wasn't too bad... and if it was, I know it'll get better! ^_^
xxLilMizCadyxx
4xxLilMizCadyxxTee hee! I just joined on New Year's Eve, and this was the very FIRST story I read. I am so glad I joined! It was fantasic! Also, I don't know if you meant it to be, but it was humourous too! For me, anyways...
Your spelling and grammar was great too, and I can't wait for the next chapter!
p.S I hope your New Year wasn't too bad... and if it was, I know it'll get better! ^_^
xxLilMizCadyxx
1/1/2009 c1 4bringmayflowers
One- Happy new year! Yay!
Second- I LOVE this. It doesn't matter that I have not read your other stories. I love this. I love Charlie and his interaction with Finn and Charlie's thought process. Its so much GOLD. I can't wait until you update next. LOL I love how he is thinking about so much past events- its great!
Third- I come to inform you I updated You Shouldn't Hate Me.
Don't forget to update this soon.
xoxo
4bringmayflowersOne- Happy new year! Yay!
Second- I LOVE this. It doesn't matter that I have not read your other stories. I love this. I love Charlie and his interaction with Finn and Charlie's thought process. Its so much GOLD. I can't wait until you update next. LOL I love how he is thinking about so much past events- its great!
Third- I come to inform you I updated You Shouldn't Hate Me.
Don't forget to update this soon.
xoxo