for My Blood on Your Lips, Your Money in My Bra1/26/2013 c24 
4AkeraWriterOfTheNight
AH! What an ennding. This story would have been good here, but now Im curriuse, what did you have happone in the sequil? Lol exlent read.
4AkeraWriterOfTheNightAH! What an ennding. This story would have been good here, but now Im curriuse, what did you have happone in the sequil? Lol exlent read.
9/4/2011 c24 7YourCritic
Ok so. Read this, and it's interesting. It flowed well most of the time, and your little world was quite cool, if a little too mysterious most of the time. Just a couple things that I didn't really like:
- um the ending. Not that it was bad, but it was rushed. Like, REALLY rushed. It was quite original, but you needed a MUCH bigger lead up to it. There was a bit of foreshadowing in earlier chapters, but nothing else really. And you didn't actually resolve ANYTHING. Nothing had an end, apart from a few people's lives. I get that you wanted to finish it before the new year, but come on! You could have fleshed it out quite a bit more.
- she literally sleeps with or has a sexual relationship with EVERY character. That's why I don't like your whole 'lesbian'/'bicurious' sidetrack, because it was completely unnecessary to the plotline on the whole and came off more as like 'I'm the author, I'm bi and I'm so inserting my views here'. Sorry. An actual friendship with the girl would have been better, because it would have been different to what she had with everyone else. Hell, you could even big up the lesbian thing, but make someone else in the story be JUST a friend, that she doesn't want to fuck. That would make me sympathise with her more.
Oh and you use the word 'male' FAR too much!
Stuff I did like:
- your action scenes: well written, pacy and focussed.
- your conversations: realistic sounding dialogue, not cluttered.
- the plot (mostly): you kept the momentum going, although you took quite a while to get to the final confrontations, it was pretty good. I would just rather you had spent more time on the actual 'war'.
Anyway, thanks for an interesting read!
7YourCriticOk so. Read this, and it's interesting. It flowed well most of the time, and your little world was quite cool, if a little too mysterious most of the time. Just a couple things that I didn't really like:
- um the ending. Not that it was bad, but it was rushed. Like, REALLY rushed. It was quite original, but you needed a MUCH bigger lead up to it. There was a bit of foreshadowing in earlier chapters, but nothing else really. And you didn't actually resolve ANYTHING. Nothing had an end, apart from a few people's lives. I get that you wanted to finish it before the new year, but come on! You could have fleshed it out quite a bit more.
- she literally sleeps with or has a sexual relationship with EVERY character. That's why I don't like your whole 'lesbian'/'bicurious' sidetrack, because it was completely unnecessary to the plotline on the whole and came off more as like 'I'm the author, I'm bi and I'm so inserting my views here'. Sorry. An actual friendship with the girl would have been better, because it would have been different to what she had with everyone else. Hell, you could even big up the lesbian thing, but make someone else in the story be JUST a friend, that she doesn't want to fuck. That would make me sympathise with her more.
Oh and you use the word 'male' FAR too much!
Stuff I did like:
- your action scenes: well written, pacy and focussed.
- your conversations: realistic sounding dialogue, not cluttered.
- the plot (mostly): you kept the momentum going, although you took quite a while to get to the final confrontations, it was pretty good. I would just rather you had spent more time on the actual 'war'.
Anyway, thanks for an interesting read!
7/10/2011 c24 2Ray-Anne
Hahahaha, that was disappointing but cynically I love it. No happy ending for you.
Wonderfully captured I suppose, you're a good writer and the fantasy creatures and their characteristics was refreshing.
2Ray-AnneHahahaha, that was disappointing but cynically I love it. No happy ending for you.
Wonderfully captured I suppose, you're a good writer and the fantasy creatures and their characteristics was refreshing.
3/18/2011 c24 Words
Yes actually, it was. O-O. This ending sucked. 0_O
Yes actually, it was. O-O. This ending sucked. 0_O
3/18/2011 c24 Words
Or was it? o_
Or was it? o_
3/18/2011 c24 Words
Huh, what a terrible ending.-_-
Huh, what a terrible ending.-_-
3/17/2011 c7 Words
So far I like this story, but the plot is unclear. I can't guess or even tell what's gonna happen next, noteven romantic wise. Is she gonna end up with Eli? Or Terrence? Or maybe even this Gabriel guy, or that kid-vampire Derrek? I can't even guess or even tell what's up with the new girl at Elyria's school. Also, could Elyria be less of a slut/whore. She's also being extremely bitchy... So maybe you could sort out these problems for me. ^-^
So far I like this story, but the plot is unclear. I can't guess or even tell what's gonna happen next, noteven romantic wise. Is she gonna end up with Eli? Or Terrence? Or maybe even this Gabriel guy, or that kid-vampire Derrek? I can't even guess or even tell what's up with the new girl at Elyria's school. Also, could Elyria be less of a slut/whore. She's also being extremely bitchy... So maybe you could sort out these problems for me. ^-^
12/27/2010 c20 xCynicx9
That last review was me...That's the last time I use your laptop to read your stories.
That last review was me...That's the last time I use your laptop to read your stories.
12/27/2010 c20 22AnneAlysse
I actually got some laughs out of this chapter. I did feel this was a chapter driven to push the plot along. I was kind of confused on why she would randomly try to drowned herself. Yes, I understand that she didn't want to fight anymore, but she did a complete character change here.
22AnneAlysseI actually got some laughs out of this chapter. I did feel this was a chapter driven to push the plot along. I was kind of confused on why she would randomly try to drowned herself. Yes, I understand that she didn't want to fight anymore, but she did a complete character change here.
12/26/2010 c19 xCynicx9
I felt this was a good chapter even though I thought it short. I, however, did not like the sex scene. It was too short and didn't have as much detail as others.
I felt this was a good chapter even though I thought it short. I, however, did not like the sex scene. It was too short and didn't have as much detail as others.
12/5/2010 c24 1Bipolarised
wow, that was really amazing. i really like the dark elements and twisted violence in the plot, a really great read after all those cliche romances. i really like the title as well, kind of sums up the all story in a nutshell, and very amusing.
great word, it was a wonderful read and very unexpected ending! feel sorry for Eli though!
1Bipolarisedwow, that was really amazing. i really like the dark elements and twisted violence in the plot, a really great read after all those cliche romances. i really like the title as well, kind of sums up the all story in a nutshell, and very amusing.
great word, it was a wonderful read and very unexpected ending! feel sorry for Eli though!
7/22/2010 c24 13FM Radio
You, my dear, are a meany butt. That's right. A meany butt. Haha That was fabulous! The ending kills me, but the entire thing is so...heartbreaking. I really wish it could have had a happy ending, but this fits. You have done a wonderful job writing this, and please don't be offended by the whole meany butt thing. I was teasing. :)
13FM RadioYou, my dear, are a meany butt. That's right. A meany butt. Haha That was fabulous! The ending kills me, but the entire thing is so...heartbreaking. I really wish it could have had a happy ending, but this fits. You have done a wonderful job writing this, and please don't be offended by the whole meany butt thing. I was teasing. :)