for Manhattan Love Story9/29/2013 c30 EPuppy
OMG please update! This story is so freaking unique I love it! Pleaseeeee we need
OMG please update! This story is so freaking unique I love it! Pleaseeeee we need
5/18/2013 c1 Eshi9
This is really cool. I really enjoy the way you write, like "after the pwane ride." xD
This is really cool. I really enjoy the way you write, like "after the pwane ride." xD
3/6/2013 c30 chair-chan
I thought this was a lovely little story, a great exploration of what it means to be a teenager. I see on your page that you're less enamored of it, but I really enjoyed it. I kind of wish there was a more conclusive ending, purely for my own sake. Do you think you could add me on livejournal? I'd like to read more of your work. My username is chair_chan :)
I thought this was a lovely little story, a great exploration of what it means to be a teenager. I see on your page that you're less enamored of it, but I really enjoyed it. I kind of wish there was a more conclusive ending, purely for my own sake. Do you think you could add me on livejournal? I'd like to read more of your work. My username is chair_chan :)
2/9/2013 c30 allancaldera
I reall like this story it was really good. I would have love more chapters to tell you the truth. I hope they can be together at the end :) amazing story.
I reall like this story it was really good. I would have love more chapters to tell you the truth. I hope they can be together at the end :) amazing story.
12/12/2012 c24 Guest
i think there should be a marriage part in this..fairytale at the end
i think there should be a marriage part in this..fairytale at the end
7/21/2012 c30 Blissful Winter
I stayed up until 5 AM to read this. Anthony is such a wonderfully complex character, I'd really like to give him a nice big hug. Your writing is excellent, though I have to say I'm rather dissapointed in the lack of a resolution. And since there are reviews for a chapter 31, but there is no chapter 31, I'm guessing you deleted it? Oh well, I forgive you since this is such a great work.
I stayed up until 5 AM to read this. Anthony is such a wonderfully complex character, I'd really like to give him a nice big hug. Your writing is excellent, though I have to say I'm rather dissapointed in the lack of a resolution. And since there are reviews for a chapter 31, but there is no chapter 31, I'm guessing you deleted it? Oh well, I forgive you since this is such a great work.
4/1/2012 c31 xfffxfxfx
In this story the author shows a real understanding of her characters. She clearly knows their motivations, wants, fears, and they all breathe with life. They are not perhaps the most complex characters I've encountered on Fiction Press, but they certainly crack into the top tier. It is this complexity and (how shall I say) compassion that keeps the story interesting.
Of all the characters, my favourite is Ben. He has a tenderness and sweetness that strikes me as very real, and all the more moving because of it. Anthony I find less compelling, but his internal conflicts and changes are rendered very well. The minor characters are remarkably well developed, especially Jake and Anthony's Father.
The plotting is really where the story turns awry. The conflicts and processes brought up in the beginning are very promising and interesting, and the story would have been quite successful to stick to these. They would be Anthony and Ben's relationship, ultimately with some kind of coming out; Anthony's relationship with his parents and his religion; both boys' relationships with Jake and the student body as a whole; and perhaps a few other things.
Once the 'crucifixion' scene happens though, these conflicts get swept aside. The bizarre death of a minor character and Anthony's subsequent depression really change the nature of the story. The depression comes from all of the conlficts mentioned above, but contains them, and is really more monstrous and enveloping than any one of them could be. This is dissatisfying because it makes the things that we were invested in seem unimportant and irrelevant.
And then the depression is never really resolved, just kind of dissolved. The same is true of most of the other conflicts. The story seems to end with dissolution: Ben and Anthony attempt to escape their problems, with or without success. The ending seems to be the story collapsing under it's own weight, unable to hold up to its promises/premises. From the plot aspect, therefore, 'Manhattan Love Story' is a confused mess.
Overall, in spite of the plotting troubles, and general decline in quality and interest towards the end, the sheer power of the characterization has made it a worthwhile read. I'm very curious as to what 'Panuru' has put her skills towards now, seeing as she must have learned a lot in this venture.
In this story the author shows a real understanding of her characters. She clearly knows their motivations, wants, fears, and they all breathe with life. They are not perhaps the most complex characters I've encountered on Fiction Press, but they certainly crack into the top tier. It is this complexity and (how shall I say) compassion that keeps the story interesting.
Of all the characters, my favourite is Ben. He has a tenderness and sweetness that strikes me as very real, and all the more moving because of it. Anthony I find less compelling, but his internal conflicts and changes are rendered very well. The minor characters are remarkably well developed, especially Jake and Anthony's Father.
The plotting is really where the story turns awry. The conflicts and processes brought up in the beginning are very promising and interesting, and the story would have been quite successful to stick to these. They would be Anthony and Ben's relationship, ultimately with some kind of coming out; Anthony's relationship with his parents and his religion; both boys' relationships with Jake and the student body as a whole; and perhaps a few other things.
Once the 'crucifixion' scene happens though, these conflicts get swept aside. The bizarre death of a minor character and Anthony's subsequent depression really change the nature of the story. The depression comes from all of the conlficts mentioned above, but contains them, and is really more monstrous and enveloping than any one of them could be. This is dissatisfying because it makes the things that we were invested in seem unimportant and irrelevant.
And then the depression is never really resolved, just kind of dissolved. The same is true of most of the other conflicts. The story seems to end with dissolution: Ben and Anthony attempt to escape their problems, with or without success. The ending seems to be the story collapsing under it's own weight, unable to hold up to its promises/premises. From the plot aspect, therefore, 'Manhattan Love Story' is a confused mess.
Overall, in spite of the plotting troubles, and general decline in quality and interest towards the end, the sheer power of the characterization has made it a worthwhile read. I'm very curious as to what 'Panuru' has put her skills towards now, seeing as she must have learned a lot in this venture.
8/28/2009 c31 Deciding
My god what a magical, powerful story.. Your characters are gorgeous.. and I think more than in most stories you can really feel their love and need for each other, something that is not just physical, but comes with incredibly strong emotions.. I absolutely adored it! I also think that the ending was okay... gives readers a lot of space to imagine what will happen.
My god what a magical, powerful story.. Your characters are gorgeous.. and I think more than in most stories you can really feel their love and need for each other, something that is not just physical, but comes with incredibly strong emotions.. I absolutely adored it! I also think that the ending was okay... gives readers a lot of space to imagine what will happen.
6/21/2009 c31 
3runswithvamp
u cant end the story at the climax! couldnt you please make an ending?please please please!
3runswithvampu cant end the story at the climax! couldnt you please make an ending?please please please!
4/3/2009 c31 9Panuru
Dear Bleh-
Of course it's not an ending and of course I didn't do my job as an author. I wrote this when I was 15. :P
9PanuruDear Bleh-
Of course it's not an ending and of course I didn't do my job as an author. I wrote this when I was 15. :P
11/16/2008 c31 bleh
great writing, great story, but - that wasn't an ending. it totally wasn't.
and this is just a personal pet peeve of mine, but I really disliked how in your author's notes you were telling people how to interpret the story. Readers interpret it as they like, and if their interpretation doesn't match what you had intended, then you failed as a writer.
great writing, great story, but - that wasn't an ending. it totally wasn't.
and this is just a personal pet peeve of mine, but I really disliked how in your author's notes you were telling people how to interpret the story. Readers interpret it as they like, and if their interpretation doesn't match what you had intended, then you failed as a writer.
9/21/2008 c31 1Yrvin Thornhart
Mmhmm..you make me feel...I don't know. It's a complete jumble in here. I have to say, I have been raised Catholic too, and I go to mass every Sunday too. i just don't go toconfessions that often, though.
(chuckles)I'm supposed to go to work in an hour or two, but I had to finish your story or else I'll go insane. Yep, feels the same way here. Got first hand experience on this kind of stuff. It's just that I never got caught, or anything. In my fear of the chaos that will pursue me, I ended up all my ties with anyone that is remotely romatic. It's an end that I might say hadn't gone to good.
It leaves you lonely. Bitter. Every time I go to Mass I asked God why. And the other questions that comes with it (I guess..). I wanted to IM/PM you but your author page doesn't allow it.
You've been here since 2001? No wonder. I like your style. It's just simply realistic in some sense, and yes, sometimes you can indulge yourself with the sweet stuff.
I'm in the mood to write...(groan) but I can't 'cause I'll be wroking night shifts. Sucks to be like this, man.
But, I hope you all the good will in your works. Religion might condemn me but I believe that I am still innately good. After all, I believe that as long as I'm not hurting someone, I'm doing nothing bad (or so).
My parents don't know (winks). But it has it's downs of course. I told myself not to read angst but...just can't help it.
With fondest regards,
Yrvin
1Yrvin ThornhartMmhmm..you make me feel...I don't know. It's a complete jumble in here. I have to say, I have been raised Catholic too, and I go to mass every Sunday too. i just don't go toconfessions that often, though.
(chuckles)I'm supposed to go to work in an hour or two, but I had to finish your story or else I'll go insane. Yep, feels the same way here. Got first hand experience on this kind of stuff. It's just that I never got caught, or anything. In my fear of the chaos that will pursue me, I ended up all my ties with anyone that is remotely romatic. It's an end that I might say hadn't gone to good.
It leaves you lonely. Bitter. Every time I go to Mass I asked God why. And the other questions that comes with it (I guess..). I wanted to IM/PM you but your author page doesn't allow it.
You've been here since 2001? No wonder. I like your style. It's just simply realistic in some sense, and yes, sometimes you can indulge yourself with the sweet stuff.
I'm in the mood to write...(groan) but I can't 'cause I'll be wroking night shifts. Sucks to be like this, man.
But, I hope you all the good will in your works. Religion might condemn me but I believe that I am still innately good. After all, I believe that as long as I'm not hurting someone, I'm doing nothing bad (or so).
My parents don't know (winks). But it has it's downs of course. I told myself not to read angst but...just can't help it.
With fondest regards,
Yrvin
8/17/2008 c3 seussgirl
SACRELIGIOUS! HOW CAN YOU GET GREEN EGGS AND HAM WRONG? SAM I AM WAS THE ONE WHO WAS URGING THE OTHER TO TRY GREEN EGGS AND HAM!
Sorry, I get a little passionate about Dr. Seuss.
Haha, I realized what starting a review for a slash story (in which there are missionaries, for crying out loud) with the word "sacreligious" looks like. Oops.
SACRELIGIOUS! HOW CAN YOU GET GREEN EGGS AND HAM WRONG? SAM I AM WAS THE ONE WHO WAS URGING THE OTHER TO TRY GREEN EGGS AND HAM!
Sorry, I get a little passionate about Dr. Seuss.
Haha, I realized what starting a review for a slash story (in which there are missionaries, for crying out loud) with the word "sacreligious" looks like. Oops.
8/11/2008 c2 8Sundown
I can't believe I havent found this story before! I've been on here since '05 and have never stumbled upon this, but now I am so thankful that I did!
This is one of the most engaging male/male stories I have read on here. Your characters so far are so realistic, naturally written, and you can tell that you really love these characters enough to know they way they move, think and behave. The dialogue is very natural and there is a good balance of description, humour and impending angst. You characters aren't like females that have been given boy names (I have read many slash stories like that), which I'm thrilled about. I can't wait to read more of this, but for now I have an assignment to finish! well done!
8SundownI can't believe I havent found this story before! I've been on here since '05 and have never stumbled upon this, but now I am so thankful that I did!
This is one of the most engaging male/male stories I have read on here. Your characters so far are so realistic, naturally written, and you can tell that you really love these characters enough to know they way they move, think and behave. The dialogue is very natural and there is a good balance of description, humour and impending angst. You characters aren't like females that have been given boy names (I have read many slash stories like that), which I'm thrilled about. I can't wait to read more of this, but for now I have an assignment to finish! well done!