for Chances1/22/2009 c1 mygoditsm
boo.
guess who?
haha.
love the story :) it's simple but yet it goes into this depth, as weird as that might sound. I really love the Martin character, tbh, complete cliché as evil as that might seem.
Um, i suck at criticism so yeah. Tbh, it's actually well written and there weren't, as far as I could read, any weird moments to read (although i love awkward moments, pauses, etc...) which made it hard to read.
Yeah, love it :) the ending is perfect; because it's normally the other way around, don't know if you get me :S
anyways imma stop talking now and haha, byee :)
boo.
guess who?
haha.
love the story :) it's simple but yet it goes into this depth, as weird as that might sound. I really love the Martin character, tbh, complete cliché as evil as that might seem.
Um, i suck at criticism so yeah. Tbh, it's actually well written and there weren't, as far as I could read, any weird moments to read (although i love awkward moments, pauses, etc...) which made it hard to read.
Yeah, love it :) the ending is perfect; because it's normally the other way around, don't know if you get me :S
anyways imma stop talking now and haha, byee :)
1/4/2009 c1 Michelle
Hey!
Okay, so, to review the story:
Watch for tense switches. Either keep it in the past of in the present- I know it's hard, but it makes the story less confusing.
I have to say I was really surprised that he kissed her, because he didn't seem o like her very much.
Talk about unreliable narrator. :) It's good that you didn't use her name, I think.
I really like their conversation- especially the line: "Everyone jokes about people having faux-girlfriends these days, no?" That was good. I think you're pretty good at dialogue in general.
i feel like I should say somehting really super smart right now... hmm. I'm so bad at critiquing, sorry!
You can definitely see an influence from Twilight in here, but not in a bad, fan-fic sort of way. don't worry.
If you have any specific questions about the story that you want me to answer, email me. Sorry I'm not a great reviewer... (sobs in a corner).
Hey!
Okay, so, to review the story:
Watch for tense switches. Either keep it in the past of in the present- I know it's hard, but it makes the story less confusing.
I have to say I was really surprised that he kissed her, because he didn't seem o like her very much.
Talk about unreliable narrator. :) It's good that you didn't use her name, I think.
I really like their conversation- especially the line: "Everyone jokes about people having faux-girlfriends these days, no?" That was good. I think you're pretty good at dialogue in general.
i feel like I should say somehting really super smart right now... hmm. I'm so bad at critiquing, sorry!
You can definitely see an influence from Twilight in here, but not in a bad, fan-fic sort of way. don't worry.
If you have any specific questions about the story that you want me to answer, email me. Sorry I'm not a great reviewer... (sobs in a corner).
1/3/2009 c1 
13blurrylights
I found this funny. -nods decisively-
I liked it, though there were a gabagillion errors. It made me laugh. "But obviously, he's no Gaspard." Nice line. I appreciate that. :)
Also, just the fact that she was following him amused me too. How random.
'Now, from what I understand of cliché love stories and what not, this is the point where he confesses his undying love for me and I call him a ‘idiot’ or something and we fall in love. But you see, this happens in a cliché love story. hope I made it clear earlier, that my life is NOT a cliché love story.'
-Another genius phrase...quite humorous.
'"Thanks. And Martin, I’d hate it if you died from a drug overdose.”'
-So nonchalant, so perfectly friendly. Very nice touch.
Those kisses, especially, made me fall over laughing. It really brightened my day! I don't mean to hurt your writer ego or whatever, but today, I found this piece, particularly comical. I like it a lot though, don't get me wrong. Comical in a good way, eh? (That rhymed! Yeah..a bit off my rocker today, methinks)
Oh, and that weird thing wasn't awkward. No worries. :)
Great job! (And I'll PM you back soon, i pinky promise.)
13blurrylightsI found this funny. -nods decisively-
I liked it, though there were a gabagillion errors. It made me laugh. "But obviously, he's no Gaspard." Nice line. I appreciate that. :)
Also, just the fact that she was following him amused me too. How random.
'Now, from what I understand of cliché love stories and what not, this is the point where he confesses his undying love for me and I call him a ‘idiot’ or something and we fall in love. But you see, this happens in a cliché love story. hope I made it clear earlier, that my life is NOT a cliché love story.'
-Another genius phrase...quite humorous.
'"Thanks. And Martin, I’d hate it if you died from a drug overdose.”'
-So nonchalant, so perfectly friendly. Very nice touch.
Those kisses, especially, made me fall over laughing. It really brightened my day! I don't mean to hurt your writer ego or whatever, but today, I found this piece, particularly comical. I like it a lot though, don't get me wrong. Comical in a good way, eh? (That rhymed! Yeah..a bit off my rocker today, methinks)
Oh, and that weird thing wasn't awkward. No worries. :)
Great job! (And I'll PM you back soon, i pinky promise.)