for Diary of a Young Girl3/30/2009 c3 
11Jessiquie
aww so sad. Great chapter again.
In relation to twilight, I'll admit I totally got sucked into the whole thing and I loved it, yet the last journal entry here really made to re-evalue the whole thing. You mke some massive points.
Great description and depth of detail, like in the first chapter. It makes me wonder, although its no business of mine, whether you, or someone close to you have gone through this. Because you capture the essence and everything spot on. Kudos - althought im not entirely sure what that means, but i know its supposed to be a compliment - to you!
11Jessiquieaww so sad. Great chapter again.
In relation to twilight, I'll admit I totally got sucked into the whole thing and I loved it, yet the last journal entry here really made to re-evalue the whole thing. You mke some massive points.
Great description and depth of detail, like in the first chapter. It makes me wonder, although its no business of mine, whether you, or someone close to you have gone through this. Because you capture the essence and everything spot on. Kudos - althought im not entirely sure what that means, but i know its supposed to be a compliment - to you!
2/4/2009 c3 1Julia Nathan
Ouch. That rant on Twilight was harsh. lol the movie cam e out in November and let me be the first to say it SUCKED. And yes I hated Bella for wanting to be a vampire. But anywho back to you. I lovethis story and I usually hate anything written in Diary form.
1Julia NathanOuch. That rant on Twilight was harsh. lol the movie cam e out in November and let me be the first to say it SUCKED. And yes I hated Bella for wanting to be a vampire. But anywho back to you. I lovethis story and I usually hate anything written in Diary form.
1/8/2009 c1 2CamilleBelle
Wow, this story is already really good, you are heaps good at describing what she's going through. It is really quite sad, but I cannot wait to read on. Great work.
2CamilleBelleWow, this story is already really good, you are heaps good at describing what she's going through. It is really quite sad, but I cannot wait to read on. Great work.
1/6/2009 c2 11Jessiquie
"Rosa sat so that Martin could walk. Martin walked so that Obama could run. Obama is running so that our children can fly."
That line is beauitful, not to mention inspirational.
You've still captured the emotion and tension and like of the character and the situations, but I'm wondering style and content wise, if you need so many allusions to the past. I.e. the first part of this chapter, seemed like you were repeating a lot of the little bits of background which you gave in the previous chapters diary entries. I know that a bit would be repeated and such, as its a dairy and all, but in such a manner. not entirely sure. Anyways great chapter, I was crying again.
And the little scene at the top/begining about Ben waiting and how he's dealing with it all. and How its not okay and all that was beautiful. The imergery and everything was superb. It really got to me(in a good way). SO great job!
11Jessiquie"Rosa sat so that Martin could walk. Martin walked so that Obama could run. Obama is running so that our children can fly."
That line is beauitful, not to mention inspirational.
You've still captured the emotion and tension and like of the character and the situations, but I'm wondering style and content wise, if you need so many allusions to the past. I.e. the first part of this chapter, seemed like you were repeating a lot of the little bits of background which you gave in the previous chapters diary entries. I know that a bit would be repeated and such, as its a dairy and all, but in such a manner. not entirely sure. Anyways great chapter, I was crying again.
And the little scene at the top/begining about Ben waiting and how he's dealing with it all. and How its not okay and all that was beautiful. The imergery and everything was superb. It really got to me(in a good way). SO great job!
1/6/2009 c2 13blurrylights
I really love this so far, and I think you're doing a great job.(I found you off the SkoW thread, by the way) My best friends mom was diagnosed with breast cancer the summer before our sixth grade year, and she made it through, thank god. But because of that, I know how people react, and you're doing a really good job at that. Ben especially.
The only problem I have is that it's so nonchalant, the way she says things sometimes. Maybe try to inject some more emotion in. I mean, no 15 year old is going to be all philosophical all the time. I would be scared, and terrified if I was only given a few months to live. Also, I would try to fulfill as many of my goals as I possibly could. Maybe Erika could do something like that?
Oh, and one last thing. Who's Leigh? You lost me there..
Anyway, update soon!
13blurrylightsI really love this so far, and I think you're doing a great job.(I found you off the SkoW thread, by the way) My best friends mom was diagnosed with breast cancer the summer before our sixth grade year, and she made it through, thank god. But because of that, I know how people react, and you're doing a really good job at that. Ben especially.
The only problem I have is that it's so nonchalant, the way she says things sometimes. Maybe try to inject some more emotion in. I mean, no 15 year old is going to be all philosophical all the time. I would be scared, and terrified if I was only given a few months to live. Also, I would try to fulfill as many of my goals as I possibly could. Maybe Erika could do something like that?
Oh, and one last thing. Who's Leigh? You lost me there..
Anyway, update soon!
1/6/2009 c1 11Jessiquie
This is beautiful.
You had me crying, and the emotion is real. When i was in high school one of my friends died of cancer, so i know first hand what the kind of effects and all that are. I saw her go through everything, and this really captures the mark.
I like the relationship she has with Ben. It's cute.
looking forward to reading more.
btw found this thru SKOW emails. Just to let you know.
11JessiquieThis is beautiful.
You had me crying, and the emotion is real. When i was in high school one of my friends died of cancer, so i know first hand what the kind of effects and all that are. I saw her go through everything, and this really captures the mark.
I like the relationship she has with Ben. It's cute.
looking forward to reading more.
btw found this thru SKOW emails. Just to let you know.