for Junky7/8/2009 c1 
4I-R-Marie
That shit was the bomb. Holy cow, that was great, it's like he knew. I'm on the verge of screaming, it was that good!
4I-R-MarieThat shit was the bomb. Holy cow, that was great, it's like he knew. I'm on the verge of screaming, it was that good!
7/7/2009 c1 Bddssgsydhdndk
I thought it was great. For some odd reason when I first starting reading it it made me think of someone with diabetes you know like they have to take insuline shots every day. But then at the end it made me think of someone who was taking a drug that could kill them. I like to tell people how what I think the meaning of their poems are and that is what I just did. Hehe. Again great job on the poem and poetry.
I thought it was great. For some odd reason when I first starting reading it it made me think of someone with diabetes you know like they have to take insuline shots every day. But then at the end it made me think of someone who was taking a drug that could kill them. I like to tell people how what I think the meaning of their poems are and that is what I just did. Hehe. Again great job on the poem and poetry.
7/2/2009 c1 989East-0f-Eden
this poem expresses great emotion and you paint a picture of your feelings.
989East-0f-Edenthis poem expresses great emotion and you paint a picture of your feelings.
3/21/2009 c1 612simpleplan13
Thanks for your review awhile back, sorry it took me so long to return the favor.
I think the title should be Junkie not Junky.
"My cells thirst and my soul hurts/why in the hell am I so heavily cursed."... That should end with a question mark.
"that runs down through my mom to my great grand dad."... It would run from your granddad through your mom actually. Also, granddad is one word and this line sounds really forced in order to rhyme with bad.
"A sick cycle, an everyday hell./It burns and I yearn for these holes in my soul"... those lines don't really rhyme
Also, after this line until the offer and father, the rhyme scheme disappears.
"to be sewn and mend"... you switch from past tense to current tense.
"So I pray and I wait for the Lord to take this away/before it’s too late and I whine up dead,"... wind
I do like the piece. I think this topic is done a lot, but you had some new descriptions in here and I thought the live to die idea in the last line was really interesting.
PS If you're bored this weekend, check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (links in my profile)
612simpleplan13Thanks for your review awhile back, sorry it took me so long to return the favor.
I think the title should be Junkie not Junky.
"My cells thirst and my soul hurts/why in the hell am I so heavily cursed."... That should end with a question mark.
"that runs down through my mom to my great grand dad."... It would run from your granddad through your mom actually. Also, granddad is one word and this line sounds really forced in order to rhyme with bad.
"A sick cycle, an everyday hell./It burns and I yearn for these holes in my soul"... those lines don't really rhyme
Also, after this line until the offer and father, the rhyme scheme disappears.
"to be sewn and mend"... you switch from past tense to current tense.
"So I pray and I wait for the Lord to take this away/before it’s too late and I whine up dead,"... wind
I do like the piece. I think this topic is done a lot, but you had some new descriptions in here and I thought the live to die idea in the last line was really interesting.
PS If you're bored this weekend, check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (links in my profile)
2/18/2009 c1 14Antimatter Matters
Wow. I am adding this to my favourite stories list and you are going on my author alert.
This is a powerful poem.
14Antimatter MattersWow. I am adding this to my favourite stories list and you are going on my author alert.
This is a powerful poem.
2/14/2009 c1 17sunday night sky
Wow! This is.. erm... what's the word... bleak? True to life? Sadly realistic? That opening line 'I sit here with this spoon and syringe and push it in' is so catchy, I had to read all of it. A sad, harrowing portrayal of a junk users life. The last line is perfect too - it acts as a summary for the poem, and for the characters life as well. Really really well done! I would just say that this part 'to be sewn and mend' doesn't really fit - 'to be sewn and mendED', or 'to sew and to mend', maybe? But I know that changes the rhythm and rhyme =/ Anyway, really nicely done!
17sunday night skyWow! This is.. erm... what's the word... bleak? True to life? Sadly realistic? That opening line 'I sit here with this spoon and syringe and push it in' is so catchy, I had to read all of it. A sad, harrowing portrayal of a junk users life. The last line is perfect too - it acts as a summary for the poem, and for the characters life as well. Really really well done! I would just say that this part 'to be sewn and mend' doesn't really fit - 'to be sewn and mendED', or 'to sew and to mend', maybe? But I know that changes the rhythm and rhyme =/ Anyway, really nicely done!
2/4/2009 c1 26Melladonna
A very realistic poem that bases on the reality of the true situation behind such dangerous addictions. Not too long ago, I watched a special on Meth called Crytal Darkness (they have a website if you want to check it out. I believe it's crystaldarkness (dot) org). A lot of what this poem spoke were the words of the people who had been on Meth and got help through detox and rehab. This was truly touching and it's definitely a favrotie because it hits close to home.
26MelladonnaA very realistic poem that bases on the reality of the true situation behind such dangerous addictions. Not too long ago, I watched a special on Meth called Crytal Darkness (they have a website if you want to check it out. I believe it's crystaldarkness (dot) org). A lot of what this poem spoke were the words of the people who had been on Meth and got help through detox and rehab. This was truly touching and it's definitely a favrotie because it hits close to home.
2/4/2009 c1 7Niki Tori
This poem truly deserved a wow. It was very nicely done. In my head could picture it all happening. I don't know what else to say.But wonderful work.
7Niki ToriThis poem truly deserved a wow. It was very nicely done. In my head could picture it all happening. I don't know what else to say.But wonderful work.
2/4/2009 c1 1Tomoyuki Tanaka
Wow. Now this is what I call bleak. It's really vivid in that it actually describes what the personna is going through. It's a little depressing, though, but I think that's the intention of the poem.
Sorry, but I don't understand Japanese. I can only read that you're 23 years old, but I can't read your name. I'm going to read your other story in a while, and I'm sorry about your parents' divorce. It's something nobody wants to go through, ever. But keep your head up dude, and live your life to the fullest. Glad you took it out by immersing yourself in writing. That's a really wise choice.
Well then, I'll see you later!
1Tomoyuki TanakaWow. Now this is what I call bleak. It's really vivid in that it actually describes what the personna is going through. It's a little depressing, though, but I think that's the intention of the poem.
Sorry, but I don't understand Japanese. I can only read that you're 23 years old, but I can't read your name. I'm going to read your other story in a while, and I'm sorry about your parents' divorce. It's something nobody wants to go through, ever. But keep your head up dude, and live your life to the fullest. Glad you took it out by immersing yourself in writing. That's a really wise choice.
Well then, I'll see you later!
1/27/2009 c1 2dragonflydreamer
Really nice poem. You have a lot going here-good descriptions, fair rhyme scheme, and a well developing plot. The plot in particular I thought was a strong point. You had an interesting and serious topic, and created a good progression of realization, thinking, and regret.
A few quick notes:
[before it’s too late and I whine up dead] did you mean "wind up dead?"
[All because I got high/a selfish act that I live to die.] It took me a minute to realize ethat "a selfish act" was a sort of side comment, and that confused me. Maybe use dashes or parentheses to clear that up?
Nice work overall :)
2dragonflydreamerReally nice poem. You have a lot going here-good descriptions, fair rhyme scheme, and a well developing plot. The plot in particular I thought was a strong point. You had an interesting and serious topic, and created a good progression of realization, thinking, and regret.
A few quick notes:
[before it’s too late and I whine up dead] did you mean "wind up dead?"
[All because I got high/a selfish act that I live to die.] It took me a minute to realize ethat "a selfish act" was a sort of side comment, and that confused me. Maybe use dashes or parentheses to clear that up?
Nice work overall :)
1/18/2009 c1 146Sexy Vampirechick
Interesting!I'm glad at the end of the poem the narrator realized what he is doing isn't right.I liked the rhyming you put in there but there was one part where it didn't really fit.
146Sexy VampirechickInteresting!I'm glad at the end of the poem the narrator realized what he is doing isn't right.I liked the rhyming you put in there but there was one part where it didn't really fit.