for Knowing Audrey7/18/2013 c2 
5Whirlymerle
Huh, I seem to have reviewed the first chapter of this story two years ago. On to the next, then.
By the way, I’m a huge, huge fan of third person present—it gives everything a dreamy, hazy quality, I think. So this is automatic adoration for your story. :D
[She hates doing anything ordinary, like cleaning or falling in love] I really like this line.
[She shrugs, "Well this is breakfast for me."] comma should be a period since “shrug” is not a speaker tag.
There are some details in this that I really like. Like the fact that rich men don’t know her when they’re with their wives. Also, I think the ending is done really well. The boy (I didn’t find a name?) is such a cutie in the artsy innocent kind of way, like how he uses her for a muse for his writing. You captured the bittersweet tone of the ending really well.
5WhirlymerleHuh, I seem to have reviewed the first chapter of this story two years ago. On to the next, then.
By the way, I’m a huge, huge fan of third person present—it gives everything a dreamy, hazy quality, I think. So this is automatic adoration for your story. :D
[She hates doing anything ordinary, like cleaning or falling in love] I really like this line.
[She shrugs, "Well this is breakfast for me."] comma should be a period since “shrug” is not a speaker tag.
There are some details in this that I really like. Like the fact that rich men don’t know her when they’re with their wives. Also, I think the ending is done really well. The boy (I didn’t find a name?) is such a cutie in the artsy innocent kind of way, like how he uses her for a muse for his writing. You captured the bittersweet tone of the ending really well.
7/18/2013 c17 Kirstie
I love this! On to the next chapter :D can't wait to catch up. Your characters feel so real to me. I wish I could write like you. x
I love this! On to the next chapter :D can't wait to catch up. Your characters feel so real to me. I wish I could write like you. x
7/18/2013 c32 Cayce
As always I loved this chapter, I love your use of the sun to create feeling in the story. I also think you have a great way of writing a sex scene without going into too many details, its very nice to see. I really liked the interaction between Audrey and Mark, especially bringing in the codeword Butterfly from previous chapters when things became too much, makes me think that Mark really doesn't want anything bad to happen to her, when it comes down to it. I thought that was a nice touch, especially highlighting their past and the bond they once shared.
As always I loved this chapter, I love your use of the sun to create feeling in the story. I also think you have a great way of writing a sex scene without going into too many details, its very nice to see. I really liked the interaction between Audrey and Mark, especially bringing in the codeword Butterfly from previous chapters when things became too much, makes me think that Mark really doesn't want anything bad to happen to her, when it comes down to it. I thought that was a nice touch, especially highlighting their past and the bond they once shared.
7/18/2013 c32 Yasmin
I absolutely love this story.
I think you have a beautiful way of creating a scene and making your characters alive with emotion.
I feel so much for your characters.
And your writing reminds me of poetry
I absolutely love this story.
I think you have a beautiful way of creating a scene and making your characters alive with emotion.
I feel so much for your characters.
And your writing reminds me of poetry
7/17/2013 c30 2little egret
Hello, I'm reviewing from the Review Game forum in the Easy-Fix thread.
One of the things that was hard to get through in the opening was what was going on, so I apologize if I say anything in this review that is untrue or doesn't make sense in the context of the larger story. I can't speak for how it fits in with things and I'm sure you're not asking for that, so I'll try to focus on writing instead of things like plot and character, since I can't look at character developments.
In the writing, you portray anxiety with Audrey really well by using the device of her dress not going below her knees and having that come up again as she is accused by the man in the opening. I thought her efforts to keep the dress down while the man got personal with her and leading to her confession about killing her mother was a great way to portray tension for the reader.
Later, you also use your writing to show how difficult it is for Audrey to tell the story of how she thinks she killed her mother, and I think you do this by having her pause and having Daniel help cope her through it - I liked that scene for those reasons.
Audrey comes across as very self-hating in a way - wishing that she had died instead of her mum, and then saying that she wished Daniel had left her on the pier - that's a nod to one of their first meetings, right? I suppose I said I wouldn't comment too much on character, but she does seem to lack a ton of self-confidence and it makes me wonder what she's like throughout the entire story. I'll have to read more to find out :)
It was good to see Daniel try to talk her out of her confession because I think it shows their relationship, and I thought overall you did a good job with your setting, especially the lights and the visual of all the stoners with their lighters lit in that room, that was a nice little humorous jab.
Thanks for the read :)
2little egretHello, I'm reviewing from the Review Game forum in the Easy-Fix thread.
One of the things that was hard to get through in the opening was what was going on, so I apologize if I say anything in this review that is untrue or doesn't make sense in the context of the larger story. I can't speak for how it fits in with things and I'm sure you're not asking for that, so I'll try to focus on writing instead of things like plot and character, since I can't look at character developments.
In the writing, you portray anxiety with Audrey really well by using the device of her dress not going below her knees and having that come up again as she is accused by the man in the opening. I thought her efforts to keep the dress down while the man got personal with her and leading to her confession about killing her mother was a great way to portray tension for the reader.
Later, you also use your writing to show how difficult it is for Audrey to tell the story of how she thinks she killed her mother, and I think you do this by having her pause and having Daniel help cope her through it - I liked that scene for those reasons.
Audrey comes across as very self-hating in a way - wishing that she had died instead of her mum, and then saying that she wished Daniel had left her on the pier - that's a nod to one of their first meetings, right? I suppose I said I wouldn't comment too much on character, but she does seem to lack a ton of self-confidence and it makes me wonder what she's like throughout the entire story. I'll have to read more to find out :)
It was good to see Daniel try to talk her out of her confession because I think it shows their relationship, and I thought overall you did a good job with your setting, especially the lights and the visual of all the stoners with their lighters lit in that room, that was a nice little humorous jab.
Thanks for the read :)
7/17/2013 c1 4Lolitroy
So, 'sup.
First of all,I'm not a fan of present-tense narration. It's otfen confusing and somewhat distracting. However, you made it so awesomely (not a word, but...) I didn't even notice until the end!
That's a hard thing to do, make readers inmerse so much into the story that they don't realize when it ends :3
About the dialogue, I agree with the reviews below. It does give a good inisight to the characters, especially Fay (Audrey). Daniel also sounds interesting :)
Congratulations for making interesting characters in such a short time! And the plot is also very promising.
Keep it up! Hope to see more of this soon!
4LolitroySo, 'sup.
First of all,I'm not a fan of present-tense narration. It's otfen confusing and somewhat distracting. However, you made it so awesomely (not a word, but...) I didn't even notice until the end!
That's a hard thing to do, make readers inmerse so much into the story that they don't realize when it ends :3
About the dialogue, I agree with the reviews below. It does give a good inisight to the characters, especially Fay (Audrey). Daniel also sounds interesting :)
Congratulations for making interesting characters in such a short time! And the plot is also very promising.
Keep it up! Hope to see more of this soon!
7/16/2013 c1 10Vivace.Assai
[She's standing outside of the Red Daisy nightclub with her arms folded tightly against her bare midsection as the cold air clings to her pale skin. She needs a cigarette but she doesn't want to stay outside for longer than necessary.] I really love this first paragraph for some reason. It just sets the tone really well and hooks you into the story.
But this is an amazing first chapter to this story! I really enjoy the morose tone and simply style you have-it's incredibly suiting for a story like this. Plus, the dialogue between Audrey and Daniel was very nicely written and it revealed quite a bit about their characters. I'm really excited to see how this story plays out. I'll definitely come back to this story once I've caught up on all my alerts and such. :)
Technical comment:
[She tries to smile, but it's too cold to move, "tonight I am Fay."] I notice that you do this a lot, but whenever dialogue comes up like this (at the end of the sentence), you still need to capitalize the first word in the sentence.
Thanks for the great read!
10Vivace.Assai[She's standing outside of the Red Daisy nightclub with her arms folded tightly against her bare midsection as the cold air clings to her pale skin. She needs a cigarette but she doesn't want to stay outside for longer than necessary.] I really love this first paragraph for some reason. It just sets the tone really well and hooks you into the story.
But this is an amazing first chapter to this story! I really enjoy the morose tone and simply style you have-it's incredibly suiting for a story like this. Plus, the dialogue between Audrey and Daniel was very nicely written and it revealed quite a bit about their characters. I'm really excited to see how this story plays out. I'll definitely come back to this story once I've caught up on all my alerts and such. :)
Technical comment:
[She tries to smile, but it's too cold to move, "tonight I am Fay."] I notice that you do this a lot, but whenever dialogue comes up like this (at the end of the sentence), you still need to capitalize the first word in the sentence.
Thanks for the great read!
7/12/2013 c31 Anna
I love this!
I love this!
5/23/2013 c30 Cayce
Great chapter. I'm sorry for Audrey and what happened to her, glad you updated :)
Great chapter. I'm sorry for Audrey and what happened to her, glad you updated :)
3/17/2013 c1 21rosieroo
Hey there! I'm Rosie from a website called A Drop of Romeo and your beautiful story has been reviewed and added to our archive. Here's your review:
Rosie Thinks: Daniel is sitting on a pier, looking for inspiration for his story, when he meets mysterious, beautiful and broken Audrey. Audrey is completely shattered inside, letting life pass her by rather than living in it. Her house is a mess, she works as a stripper, her ex-boyfriend is abusive, yet she can't help but start up a tentative friendship with the boy she dubs Daniel. Daniel's growth throughout the story is slow but there, and amazing to watch. The way he develops both physically and mentally, from a boy into a man, was superbly written and gradual.
This story is utterly beautiful and only got more bewitching as I read on. I was obsessively glued to it for the last few chapters! I love how the story unfolds before your eyes. You're told nothing upfront. Instead, Wallflower.x slowly gives it away, showing and not telling. In her writing, the author has found a perfect balance between poetic and straightforward. At times, the words flowed and created beautiful images, while at others it was to the point and blunt. This suited the story unbelievably well - it's a poetic story about a not so poetic topic.
Wallflower.x has a knack of really getting inside a character's head and translating their feelings onto paper. Her writing is so beautiful and emotive that I was utterly engrossed and felt her character's emotions as if they were my own. The plot is completely unique and unpredictable, which kept me hooked on what was happening, especially since the author had a knack of ending a chapter at a crucial point. I can really only describe this story as beautiful - the plot, the characters, the writing - and urge anyone looking for an emotional read to give it a chance.
21rosierooHey there! I'm Rosie from a website called A Drop of Romeo and your beautiful story has been reviewed and added to our archive. Here's your review:
Rosie Thinks: Daniel is sitting on a pier, looking for inspiration for his story, when he meets mysterious, beautiful and broken Audrey. Audrey is completely shattered inside, letting life pass her by rather than living in it. Her house is a mess, she works as a stripper, her ex-boyfriend is abusive, yet she can't help but start up a tentative friendship with the boy she dubs Daniel. Daniel's growth throughout the story is slow but there, and amazing to watch. The way he develops both physically and mentally, from a boy into a man, was superbly written and gradual.
This story is utterly beautiful and only got more bewitching as I read on. I was obsessively glued to it for the last few chapters! I love how the story unfolds before your eyes. You're told nothing upfront. Instead, Wallflower.x slowly gives it away, showing and not telling. In her writing, the author has found a perfect balance between poetic and straightforward. At times, the words flowed and created beautiful images, while at others it was to the point and blunt. This suited the story unbelievably well - it's a poetic story about a not so poetic topic.
Wallflower.x has a knack of really getting inside a character's head and translating their feelings onto paper. Her writing is so beautiful and emotive that I was utterly engrossed and felt her character's emotions as if they were my own. The plot is completely unique and unpredictable, which kept me hooked on what was happening, especially since the author had a knack of ending a chapter at a crucial point. I can really only describe this story as beautiful - the plot, the characters, the writing - and urge anyone looking for an emotional read to give it a chance.
1/6/2013 c29 Tiffany Ann
Wow. I am gob smacked. Literally, I cannot wait for this next chapter. I have so many questions. Looking forward to the story unvailing.
Wow. I am gob smacked. Literally, I cannot wait for this next chapter. I have so many questions. Looking forward to the story unvailing.
1/4/2013 c29 Unknown 12345678910
Hey! I found this story and OMG I LOVE IT! XD awesome job, this story keeps my very short attention span LOL XD
Hey! I found this story and OMG I LOVE IT! XD awesome job, this story keeps my very short attention span LOL XD
12/28/2012 c28 Cayce
'Life, that's what he saw in Janine. A girl full of life who cared enough about him to make a scene in front of all of her friends.'
I like this bit :)
A really good chapter, i liked how they told each other that they loved one another. Her and Franks relationship is a special one and he's a good friend.
Update soon, i'm interested to know what'll happen next.
'Life, that's what he saw in Janine. A girl full of life who cared enough about him to make a scene in front of all of her friends.'
I like this bit :)
A really good chapter, i liked how they told each other that they loved one another. Her and Franks relationship is a special one and he's a good friend.
Update soon, i'm interested to know what'll happen next.
12/3/2012 c27 Cayce
One of my favourite chapters. I love what your doing with the story :)
One of my favourite chapters. I love what your doing with the story :)
12/2/2012 c27 7Channel 7
I have read a lot of genuine crap on this website, but your story... is absolutely wonderful! :D The plot is unique, the characters are well thought-out, the language is almost perfect and your thoughts and writing style are beautiful. I love this story- I started it this afternoon and have just finished Chapter 27! Please keep posting :)
7Channel 7I have read a lot of genuine crap on this website, but your story... is absolutely wonderful! :D The plot is unique, the characters are well thought-out, the language is almost perfect and your thoughts and writing style are beautiful. I love this story- I started it this afternoon and have just finished Chapter 27! Please keep posting :)