for The Undead Can Make Weeknights Bizarre3/21/2009 c1 
12AEJ325
Hahaha!
Thats bloody fucking hilarious.
I loved it.
You had me going for a second, I had to re-read it 'cause I thought I read it wrong or something, lol.
But - yeah, anyway.
Pretty awesome I must say.
12AEJ325Hahaha!
Thats bloody fucking hilarious.
I loved it.
You had me going for a second, I had to re-read it 'cause I thought I read it wrong or something, lol.
But - yeah, anyway.
Pretty awesome I must say.
3/21/2009 c1 Sheena's Musings
This was brilliantly done. I do the same thing when I'm playing video games but you worded it so well that your twist never even occurred to me. The line "Die, you zombie bastard!" Killed me. I was done for.
Great piece.
This was brilliantly done. I do the same thing when I'm playing video games but you worded it so well that your twist never even occurred to me. The line "Die, you zombie bastard!" Killed me. I was done for.
Great piece.
1/19/2009 c1 5DelightfullyDemented
Heh, I had a similar experience playing Call of Duty 4, I got very into knifing the watermelons in the game as I was unable to kill any of the enemy.
5DelightfullyDementedHeh, I had a similar experience playing Call of Duty 4, I got very into knifing the watermelons in the game as I was unable to kill any of the enemy.
1/19/2009 c1 1Spidey3000
LMAO! The ending was just classic; heh, I loved the ending; that girl reminded me of myself whenver I got a new videogame.
1Spidey3000LMAO! The ending was just classic; heh, I loved the ending; that girl reminded me of myself whenver I got a new videogame.
1/16/2009 c1 4Nolonegrusedaccount
Good story, but I have to say I realized what was going on without even reading the other reviews. You're slipping, Cae. ;)
However, for the pros:
-Good humor, I have to say the whole situation was a good one.
-Good descriptions, in my opinion.
Now, for the cons:
-Right after the bolded "Boom" there was a typo wherein you meant to say "Were" but typed "Where".
As you can see, the pros outweigh the cons, and so I'd say this story was damn good. Damn good, kid. Hope to see more from you, maybe you could turn this into a serial where weird things happen to her during the week?
No idea, just a thought because, for the title, it kind of suggests that Maybe this'll be "Buffy-fied". XD
Anyways, good read, kid.
Bye.
4NolonegrusedaccountGood story, but I have to say I realized what was going on without even reading the other reviews. You're slipping, Cae. ;)
However, for the pros:
-Good humor, I have to say the whole situation was a good one.
-Good descriptions, in my opinion.
Now, for the cons:
-Right after the bolded "Boom" there was a typo wherein you meant to say "Were" but typed "Where".
As you can see, the pros outweigh the cons, and so I'd say this story was damn good. Damn good, kid. Hope to see more from you, maybe you could turn this into a serial where weird things happen to her during the week?
No idea, just a thought because, for the title, it kind of suggests that Maybe this'll be "Buffy-fied". XD
Anyways, good read, kid.
Bye.
1/9/2009 c1 1onceforged-foreverlost
ROFL. brilliant. love the last line, "die zombie bastard". new satory favourite. yay violence ^-^
1onceforged-foreverlostROFL. brilliant. love the last line, "die zombie bastard". new satory favourite. yay violence ^-^
1/8/2009 c1 Architetus
I always offer anything I can spot with grammar, because it is what I like people to do for me. Matter of fact when people review Bending Nature if all they want to do is help me edit. That is most helpful. The reason being is that I have a hard time editing my own work.
The ending was very cool, a surprised ending that fit the hints. It has a cuteness that I like, and it fits your personality. I can’t wait to play Left For Dead, muhaha.
Hmm, a title. What about something like “The Zombie Incident”? Actually, “Die you Zombie Bastard” would make a cool title.
==Her short black hair was tousled, playfully flying about and there were dark circles under her cool blue eyes.
Comma after about.
==She rained fire down upon them, and laughed maliciously as they fell, one by one.
Remove comma after them.
==Some were in flames, but somehow still had the ability to walk, and even stalk after the girl.
The commas aren’t needed because the conjunctions are not connecting independent clauses, and because it reads the same with out them.
==Body parts were scattered everywhere; as if someone had tossed them all about the room like confetti.
The semicolon can’t be used here because the second clause is dependent. A comma should replace it.
==She surveyed the area around her, searching every dark nook and cranny, looking for anything that could be of use- ammunition, food, water, first aid; absolutely anything and everything that would help her survive another hour or two in this hellhole.
Problem with semicolon. Here is how I would punctuate this sentence.
She surveyed the area around her searching every dark nook and cranny, looking for anything that could be of us: ammunition, food, water, first aid, and absolutely anything and everything that would help her survive another hour or two in this hellhole.
If you prefer to not use the word and before absolutely, then use am em-dash after first aid.
=Lost in her thoughts, the girl was surprised when a rough and heavy hand landed rather suddenly on her tank-top clad shoulder. Thinking it was an enemy, she whipped around and surprised the owner of the hand with a yell that was ripped from her throat, “DIE, YOU ZOMBIE BASTARD!”
I would consider reconstructing one of these sentences. The reason being, because they both start with an introductory clause. Perhaps you could change the second one.
She thought it was an enemy, so she whipped around . . .
Because she thought it was an enemy, she whipped around . . .
==It was then she realized that it was her father, giving her a rather stern look.
I would remove the comma. It feels like an unnecessary break in the sentence.
==Also, looking rather upset, standing in the cold basement in only his thin cotton pajamas.
There doesn’t need to be a comma after upset. Also, I think it might work better like so:
Also, looking rather upset, he stood in the cold basement . . .
The Roadhouse
I always offer anything I can spot with grammar, because it is what I like people to do for me. Matter of fact when people review Bending Nature if all they want to do is help me edit. That is most helpful. The reason being is that I have a hard time editing my own work.
The ending was very cool, a surprised ending that fit the hints. It has a cuteness that I like, and it fits your personality. I can’t wait to play Left For Dead, muhaha.
Hmm, a title. What about something like “The Zombie Incident”? Actually, “Die you Zombie Bastard” would make a cool title.
==Her short black hair was tousled, playfully flying about and there were dark circles under her cool blue eyes.
Comma after about.
==She rained fire down upon them, and laughed maliciously as they fell, one by one.
Remove comma after them.
==Some were in flames, but somehow still had the ability to walk, and even stalk after the girl.
The commas aren’t needed because the conjunctions are not connecting independent clauses, and because it reads the same with out them.
==Body parts were scattered everywhere; as if someone had tossed them all about the room like confetti.
The semicolon can’t be used here because the second clause is dependent. A comma should replace it.
==She surveyed the area around her, searching every dark nook and cranny, looking for anything that could be of use- ammunition, food, water, first aid; absolutely anything and everything that would help her survive another hour or two in this hellhole.
Problem with semicolon. Here is how I would punctuate this sentence.
She surveyed the area around her searching every dark nook and cranny, looking for anything that could be of us: ammunition, food, water, first aid, and absolutely anything and everything that would help her survive another hour or two in this hellhole.
If you prefer to not use the word and before absolutely, then use am em-dash after first aid.
=Lost in her thoughts, the girl was surprised when a rough and heavy hand landed rather suddenly on her tank-top clad shoulder. Thinking it was an enemy, she whipped around and surprised the owner of the hand with a yell that was ripped from her throat, “DIE, YOU ZOMBIE BASTARD!”
I would consider reconstructing one of these sentences. The reason being, because they both start with an introductory clause. Perhaps you could change the second one.
She thought it was an enemy, so she whipped around . . .
Because she thought it was an enemy, she whipped around . . .
==It was then she realized that it was her father, giving her a rather stern look.
I would remove the comma. It feels like an unnecessary break in the sentence.
==Also, looking rather upset, standing in the cold basement in only his thin cotton pajamas.
There doesn’t need to be a comma after upset. Also, I think it might work better like so:
Also, looking rather upset, he stood in the cold basement . . .
The Roadhouse
1/8/2009 c1 7Chance J
Hah! I love the sudden switch from horror to comedy. It's almost like watching the Mummy shuffle up with all his bandages trailing, his victim screaming in fear, just to hear the Mummy groan "But all I wanted was a hug."
It's really descriptive, and it paints a really sick picture (Part of the final comedy of it, which is made of win.) You'd be surprised how many zombocalypse authors don't take the time to describe the zombies and just rely on the reader's perception of what zombies look like.
The only problem I see is this sentence:
"You couldn’t get worse than people you once knew and loved seemed to be crying out in agony as part of their brain remained while they felt their body being eaten by bacteria and decay."
The sentence itself sounds a little off, but specifically that 'seemed to be' doesn't sound right.
7Chance JHah! I love the sudden switch from horror to comedy. It's almost like watching the Mummy shuffle up with all his bandages trailing, his victim screaming in fear, just to hear the Mummy groan "But all I wanted was a hug."
It's really descriptive, and it paints a really sick picture (Part of the final comedy of it, which is made of win.) You'd be surprised how many zombocalypse authors don't take the time to describe the zombies and just rely on the reader's perception of what zombies look like.
The only problem I see is this sentence:
"You couldn’t get worse than people you once knew and loved seemed to be crying out in agony as part of their brain remained while they felt their body being eaten by bacteria and decay."
The sentence itself sounds a little off, but specifically that 'seemed to be' doesn't sound right.
1/8/2009 c1 8Violent Messiah
Ha! OK, I admit...you totally had me going. I was thinking this was some "end of days, dead stalk the earth" survivor story, and then you spring the end on me. Very nice twist, you nutter. -=p
Sabrina is quite enjoyably crazed in her situation of lone zombie exterminator, but the twist explains why she is perfectly. Your action works well, the pacing was pretty good, and your descriptions get the job done nicely enough to set the scene and mood. Good deal.
There were a few questionable sentence structuring choices, a couple of grammatical errors, but nothing that breaks the story and nothing that can't be fixed. (I'll point them out later)
Heh. Still can't believe I let you take me on a ride like that, and bought the whole thing, never seeing the end coming. Very clever, chick. I approve. -=)
Bellz, your FH
8Violent MessiahHa! OK, I admit...you totally had me going. I was thinking this was some "end of days, dead stalk the earth" survivor story, and then you spring the end on me. Very nice twist, you nutter. -=p
Sabrina is quite enjoyably crazed in her situation of lone zombie exterminator, but the twist explains why she is perfectly. Your action works well, the pacing was pretty good, and your descriptions get the job done nicely enough to set the scene and mood. Good deal.
There were a few questionable sentence structuring choices, a couple of grammatical errors, but nothing that breaks the story and nothing that can't be fixed. (I'll point them out later)
Heh. Still can't believe I let you take me on a ride like that, and bought the whole thing, never seeing the end coming. Very clever, chick. I approve. -=)
Bellz, your FH