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for Journal of a Naval Tailor

1/28/2009 c1 27Alanna Lioness
This is very interesting so far. The only thing I can think of that might make it better is to keep things in more of an order. Something about how you went from talking about the sons to who he was, to his wife... It just seemed a little awkward. But besides that, great job!
1/28/2009 c2 Leisie93
It's a really great start. But I think that what you should do is nix the journal entries and tell the stories as it happens. I just get the sense that it might be more exciting that way. You also might consider telling the story from the different people's point of views. It sounds like this is going to end up to be really exciting. And I definitely give you points for not sticking to a traditional format, though I think that might help you. I can't wait to read more!
1/11/2009 c1 J.A. Fletcher
Good start! You've got the language right, and good backround info. It was sad about the part of his wife asking for an apple before she died. I hope you continue.

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