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7/17/2009 c11 5CuriousContradiction
Aw, you mentioned me! :) Haha.

I liked this linie: "a little jolt going through me at the mention of my best friend's name." I can definitely relate to that. For some reason, sometimes just hearing the name can make me smile too. It's horrible.

I'm not sure if you meant with or without venom when you said

"Oh, shut up," I said without venom.

I was a little confused on that part.

I am very, very envious of your ability to frame every scene. You know how to add just the right amount of description, and you always manage to say it in such a vivid, original way, like "My words were not quite crisp, as if they had gone through turbulence on their way out of my throat" or "the brittle snap of disappointment." Those lines were so incredibly creative.

I also liked this line:

"The lights were not dim enough for any real privacy, yet people had stubbornly invented their own."

And the last scene- especially the last paragraph- was so... perfect. I didn't really like "looking back on that night" because it seems like a step out of the regular narration for some reason even though it's still in past tense. That's just my opinion though. I can't tell you how much I liked the rest of it, but just know that I did. :)

Please update soon!
7/13/2009 c11 class.act
Great chapter. Again, I love your subtle descriptions and the slight amount of satirical humour you insert in between.

Drunk Chelsea was really well written. I hate it when authors write that alcohol makes you lose ALL your senses, when, in actual fact, it only makes you lose most of them. I really liked that she could still think sensibly-ish. That bit when she forgoes texting Emma totally reminded me of me.

I also love how you make Lang so much of a mystery and yet so obvious at the same time. He likes her, yes, but we know so little of him.

I have a feeling that the $hit is soon going to hit the fan. I think you sorta wrote that foreshadow into the last couple of chapters. With the whole 'loved ones' fiasco soon going to blow up in her face, she'll find who her actual friends are. Mer, I think, and maybe Langston. I'm really looking forward to reading about how C. handles the situation, and how you're going to make her come to terms with her changing priorities, popularity status, and, well, I guess, life. Or maybe I'm just going ahead of myself and none of this is going to happen.

So, anyways, update soon!

P.S. What's up with Charlie? Why the nice act? Though I do know that the sibling relationship is totally weird and pendulum-like...
7/13/2009 c11 9andee lee
Oh man. What a great chapter! Just at the beginning of this, I was like, why doesn't Penn SEE? Can't he just see? And I guess now maybe he does. I hope he doesn't chalk it up to Chelsea being drunk.

I wanted to compliment you on this chapter, also, cuz a lot of times these "party chapters" get sort of contrived and boring, but this one was great. Very well written!

I can't wait to see what happens between them, and also what happens when it comes time to go back to school. I wonder what Chelsea would choose if it came between Penn and the loved ones?

Hm. Anyway, looking forward to an update!

PS - I LOVE that song and it fit perfectly with the chapter. :-)
7/12/2009 c11 pinkeclipse
hope they get together!
7/12/2009 c11 3Chlorophyll Koolaid
The ending was fine. I enjoyed it. I like where this plot is going, I didn't see any typos but it's 12:30am, so yeah.
7/12/2009 c11 Emilea
ah thanks for updating! love this.. love the kiss
7/9/2009 c2 5CuriousContradiction
Chapter 2- I normally don't like when people start off with a "Ring! My alarm bell went off and then I looked in the mirror and lined my sparkling blue eyes with eyeliner. I combed my shiny red locks and ." You managed to do it without forcing it or making it sound like a list. It fit.

Chapter 4- This was a good chapter. I think you could've been a little clearer about how it was a flashback, but otherwise, your portrayal of all of the characters and the scene was great. I'm glad that you didn't fall into the whole "I am a loner, woe is me, the popular kids are mean for no reason and they just hate me because they're so beautiful and rich and I'm not." You make it realistic. Also: (this applies to all the chapters before as well) you do an excellent job of saying things simply. You mention a few memories without going into detail, but they showed the depth of the friendship between Penn and Chelsea. One thing I noticed is that you didn't go into detail about how they got popular. For the reader, it feels like there's a gap, but I also think that it's better than describing the whole process because that usually ends up sounding cliche and messy. It's not too noticeable of a problem, but it would be great if you could think of a way to talk about how they moved up ranks and got their status. Mystery is sometimes better though, yes?

Chapter 5- You do more telling than showing compared to your other chapters. It was still well written, but it's just not as good as you were in the other ones. This one had less action and more background listing.

I can relate to the scene between jealous Tina and Chelsea. You portrayed that really perfectly.

The last part- the scene between Penn and Chelsea-really blew me away though. Thank you for not being completely overdramatic and using the word "screaming." Even though it was an argument, it came through as realistic rather than some yelling match that so many people write. I'm not sure how to explain this, sorry. It's just that I could really see this confrontation coming out of the mouths of regular people fighting. You gave just the right amount of detail and dialogue, and the way some parts were rants and others were clipped- the flow was done brilliantly. One tiny, tiny thing. I'm not sure if it's my mistake. You wrote Penn: Maybe I'm-

Chelsea: Sick of you

I think it should be "sick of me" because she goes on to say "the feeling is mutual." I might just be misinterpreting though.

And the ending was powerful. It wasn't "I ran away, tears cascading down my cheeks while I screamed at him" or anything like that. She sounds betrayed and hurt and angry and stunned. I can't tell you how impressed I am with this scene. It was just so well written! There are a lot of writers who have this huge argument between characters and they get all of these hundreds of reviews about how brilliant they are, but I can honestly say that this is one of the best confrontations I've read on here so far.

And I've probably said this already, but your characters come across as realistic. They're human to me. They're not in-your-face extremes, and Chelsea's not one of those stereotypical "I'm a tough girl but really on the inside I am broken and dependent and just need someone to love, but I don't show it." (I really need to stop on those quotation things, don't I?) But anyways. Chelsea's not a likeable character, but I don't think you intended for her to be one. I don't like her, but at the same time, I feel sympathetic towards her and want her to be able to work things out. Again, it would be nice to see the flashbacks more clearly portrayed. Maybe you could italicize them.

Dang, that was a long review. Sorry. But to sum it all up, I really really like this story. Please update soon!
7/9/2009 c1 CuriousContradiction
You really have a way with words! I'm not sure how to put this. Your writing style is very fresh. The opening lines draw the reader in, you make great commentary, and the dry humor of the main character made me laugh (ex. I was flat chested almost to the point of concavity and the part about skinny dipping in piranha infested water and the foghorn girl and the section about calculator games. Basically, a whole lot of it. I should stop listing before I just copy and paste the entire chapter in here). You also have a professional style. I don't see any grammatical errors. Intriguing start!
7/4/2009 c10 lunabella
I just found this story last night and l love your style of writing! Chelsea is not the most likeable person but I still get where she is coming from.

Might not be important but I noticed how the new girl hasn't been mentioned since she arrived... I don't know if you did hat intentionally to just show how Penn still has a say in something...?

Can't wait for the next chapter, a party can stir up lots of trouble ;)
7/3/2009 c1 8Rising Dusk
Penn? That's short for Pennsylvania. :D

-coff- Okay, I'll be serious now~ :D

I thought you said high school. :O I totally read middle school. :K

Hey! New keyboards are fun, okay. :K XD

Orite. Your description is very solid. :D I like how it explains everything subtley, without being awkward. :D

Androgynous. Big word that I don't know. :D I'll look it up later~

Awh. I like their meet up. Very cute. :D

Cute chapter. Moving on now~
7/1/2009 c10 1M. Suzanne
Loving it so far. I like the new perspective. Instead of unpopular girl and popular guy (or visa versa) them both being socialites makes for an interesting read. I can't wait until the next chapter! Keep up the good work!
6/30/2009 c10 9andee lee
I think it's interesting that all of this seems to be getting to Chelsea, slowly but surely. Just the fact that she didn't want to out Julie's secret shows a lot of change in her, and I'm curious to see how things shape up for her.

Have I mentioned that you're a phenomenal writer? I just like the overall feel of it - it's really great. :-)

Keep 'em coming!

-Andee
6/29/2009 c10 class.act
Amazing chapter, as usual. I love the way you word her thoughts.

I just realized right now how much I don't respect everyone else. Neither does Chelsea, does she? She manipulates and rules and cares, too, I guess, but doesn't respect. Why is that? What made her so aloof? Know that she wasn't the most popular in middle school, and that ambition does ruin you sometimes, but is it just that?

I was also wondering why exactly she confronted Julie and Penn in the morning. At first I thought they were in her way, but then she turned and went the other direction. I guess she might just be confrontational like that, but she isn't really that willing to face her feelings...
6/29/2009 c10 vic
I loved this chapter. I'm so glad Penn and Julie broke up!

:)
6/28/2009 c10 FergotMiPassword
I like it. It's well done, no typos I can remember but you know, I'm kind of off. Anyway, update soon.
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