for Peacock Queen12/20/2009 c4 softball lover
I like it. The storyline certainly has potential. There were some words or sentences that didn't quite match the rhythm of the story. It sounds as if the story happened a long time ago, so modern words like "poufy" or "eugh" don't exactly match the flow. Oh, and in the prologue (or at least the first chapter) you should describe her, her family (doesn't she have parents? Why does she only have a Head of House guardian?) her history, ect. But it certainly has potential, and I can't wait to read more. :D
I like it. The storyline certainly has potential. There were some words or sentences that didn't quite match the rhythm of the story. It sounds as if the story happened a long time ago, so modern words like "poufy" or "eugh" don't exactly match the flow. Oh, and in the prologue (or at least the first chapter) you should describe her, her family (doesn't she have parents? Why does she only have a Head of House guardian?) her history, ect. But it certainly has potential, and I can't wait to read more. :D
2/17/2009 c4 
19openmeadow
Yay! Another well done chapter! Thanks :D
I can't wait to see further developments within Prince Lassan's character.
♫ openmeadow
19openmeadowYay! Another well done chapter! Thanks :D
I can't wait to see further developments within Prince Lassan's character.
♫ openmeadow
2/13/2009 c4 Unrequited Alto
NO! Long brown hair, just like Raoul's! DX
It's good so far, though!
PLEASE don't make Lassy (Lassan) Raoul...
NO! Long brown hair, just like Raoul's! DX
It's good so far, though!
PLEASE don't make Lassy (Lassan) Raoul...
2/7/2009 c4 Anonymous Reviewer
This is a really nice story! I really like the story and I'm excited to read more!
This is a really nice story! I really like the story and I'm excited to read more!
1/26/2009 c3 openmeadow
Yay! Another well done chapter! THank you, now I can't wait for more.. and the encounter with Callera.
♫ openmeadow
Yay! Another well done chapter! THank you, now I can't wait for more.. and the encounter with Callera.
♫ openmeadow
1/24/2009 c2 8Renegade Author
Oh no! Don't marry, Else! Be like Queen Elizabeth and manipulate peoples! This is really going to be an awesome story.
8Renegade AuthorOh no! Don't marry, Else! Be like Queen Elizabeth and manipulate peoples! This is really going to be an awesome story.
1/19/2009 c1 mn
i like it! i want more!
i like it! i want more!
1/18/2009 c1 1Narc
The description of the queen at the beginning was a little odd. The choice of words for describing the crown (with spikes rising out of it) didn't sound magnificent, it sounded ... sharp.
I felt like your choice of words 'somethingorother' and 'thingamajig' didn't really match the tone of the rest of this chapter. They just sounded too modern for the scene you were trying to portray. I would more expect that for a description of a girl in high school.
For the review marathon! (There's a link to it in my profile)
1NarcThe description of the queen at the beginning was a little odd. The choice of words for describing the crown (with spikes rising out of it) didn't sound magnificent, it sounded ... sharp.
I felt like your choice of words 'somethingorother' and 'thingamajig' didn't really match the tone of the rest of this chapter. They just sounded too modern for the scene you were trying to portray. I would more expect that for a description of a girl in high school.
For the review marathon! (There's a link to it in my profile)
1/15/2009 c1 19openmeadow
I appreciate what you have so far, and look forward to learning more about Else, perhaps her history (why she's the first queen in so long) and well, everything. :D
You have a great start so far, and a ton of potential at that, I certainly hope you take this much further!
~openmeadow
19openmeadowI appreciate what you have so far, and look forward to learning more about Else, perhaps her history (why she's the first queen in so long) and well, everything. :D
You have a great start so far, and a ton of potential at that, I certainly hope you take this much further!
~openmeadow