Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Ti Ne Odna

1/14/2010 c1 21Sercus Kaynine
Ha! I love how although this story was about an apocalypse, the narrator is perky and polite. It gave the story it's own quirky, original feel.

One thing I could criticize you on was your monotonous sentence structure. Most sentences started with the subject (most of the times "I"), and that gave the writing a dragging tone. To spice it up, try altering sentence structure. For example:

"I have rarely left my protective suit, gas mask, and helmet out of fear of nuclear fallout seeping into my home. Thankfully I have had enough supplies to last me for a very long time."

Try:

Out of fear of nuclear fallout seeping into my home, I have rarely left my protective suit, gas mask, and helmet. Thankfully, I have had enough supplies to last me for a very long time.

I hope you found this helpful. :)
6/10/2009 c1 4xXxStraight-HardcorexXx
Very interesting! I like this a lot. =)
2/15/2009 c1 Samuel Harrisson
Quite interesting connor! It kind of left off randomly though, which makes it more interesting, but maybe you should expand it? I would love to read some more!

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service