for Dark3/27/2014 c1 
6SoulsandSwords
Okay, here's the deal... You have a great potential for a prologue but this has unnecessary amounts of detail and lengthy. You've chunked up everything into one paragraph which no one would want to look at. Space every once in a while. Also, when using ellipses (...) make a space in between the word that comes after.
Try revising it and I'll read it again.
6SoulsandSwordsOkay, here's the deal... You have a great potential for a prologue but this has unnecessary amounts of detail and lengthy. You've chunked up everything into one paragraph which no one would want to look at. Space every once in a while. Also, when using ellipses (...) make a space in between the word that comes after.
Try revising it and I'll read it again.
3/20/2012 c1 2Tokei Aya
Excellent story, wonderfully written. You definitely have talent.
However, like the other reviewers said, you could improve this. Nothing too big; just separate the text a bit more, fix a few minor errors... Nothing too big. Amazing detail, interesting concept, above all, this is an amazing work. Keep writing!
2Tokei AyaExcellent story, wonderfully written. You definitely have talent.
However, like the other reviewers said, you could improve this. Nothing too big; just separate the text a bit more, fix a few minor errors... Nothing too big. Amazing detail, interesting concept, above all, this is an amazing work. Keep writing!
10/9/2010 c1 6A Kiss in the Dreamhouse
I think you chose your words really well...it really made me feel excited about the chapter, and made me wonder what comes next. Xylon sounds like the kind of guy who will probably kick ass in the near future. Nice chapter, keep it up!
6A Kiss in the DreamhouseI think you chose your words really well...it really made me feel excited about the chapter, and made me wonder what comes next. Xylon sounds like the kind of guy who will probably kick ass in the near future. Nice chapter, keep it up!
6/6/2009 c1 MockingJuliet
Really nice. I like the idea and the descriptions. Although, I would have broken it up into a few more paragraphs, but other than that this was very well written. I think you are a talented writer, you just have a few very minor errors. But over all good job ^ ^ Keep Writing!
Really nice. I like the idea and the descriptions. Although, I would have broken it up into a few more paragraphs, but other than that this was very well written. I think you are a talented writer, you just have a few very minor errors. But over all good job ^ ^ Keep Writing!
4/16/2009 c1 6Kalista Jia
I like the description. They are detailed.
Just a litle advise: It would be easier to read if you had separated the huge development paragraph ( though I am sure some other reviewers must have already told you about it. _
6Kalista JiaI like the description. They are detailed.
Just a litle advise: It would be easier to read if you had separated the huge development paragraph ( though I am sure some other reviewers must have already told you about it. _
1/20/2009 c1 22WishIWasAnEagle
ok imediately, i'm not trying to be mean, but break up your paragraphs, nobody wants to read one big lump of words nomatter how good it is. Its daunting. Look at a few other stories and break up your big paragraphs like they do and then I'll read it.
Also, a summary is the thing that atracts the people, a bad summary means few reviews. Fix it.
thanks 4 choosing me!
22WishIWasAnEagleok imediately, i'm not trying to be mean, but break up your paragraphs, nobody wants to read one big lump of words nomatter how good it is. Its daunting. Look at a few other stories and break up your big paragraphs like they do and then I'll read it.
Also, a summary is the thing that atracts the people, a bad summary means few reviews. Fix it.
thanks 4 choosing me!
1/20/2009 c1 70PoetryQueen
I like the message you are sending. It is a neat story, but I do have some consturctive critism...
1. There is WAY too much detail. Especailly in the beginning. Readers only want to hear the important detail.
2. But he would always remember that night he weathered with the storm that almost killed him, but instead created him.
I think you mean, (This is near the ending).
He would always remember that night he weathered with the storm that could have killed him, but instead, created him.
70PoetryQueenI like the message you are sending. It is a neat story, but I do have some consturctive critism...
1. There is WAY too much detail. Especailly in the beginning. Readers only want to hear the important detail.
2. But he would always remember that night he weathered with the storm that almost killed him, but instead created him.
I think you mean, (This is near the ending).
He would always remember that night he weathered with the storm that could have killed him, but instead, created him.
1/19/2009 c1 1artisticbones
I thought this story was very interesting. Has good insights, and a good development.
Only downfall was in its slight confusion at parts, but it all concluded in the end. Overall it was a definetly worth my time. Thank You. Keep writng. O yes and review my story.
1artisticbonesI thought this story was very interesting. Has good insights, and a good development.
Only downfall was in its slight confusion at parts, but it all concluded in the end. Overall it was a definetly worth my time. Thank You. Keep writng. O yes and review my story.