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for The Pianist

7/25/2009 c1 5KingdomHeartsIsLight
I think it was ingenious how the first line plunged you into the poem. The second line, I think, was the best. The way you used the colors really painted the image into my mind. The part where you describe the pianist was a little rough, except for the "raven's wing" simile. I didn't really understand who the woman is. I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. Your punctuation and grammar were flawless. The audience "erupting" into applause was immensely strong. The last line was acceptable, but not completely fulfilling for me. Overall, this is a great poem.
4/9/2009 c1 Chasing Skylines
Adequate, colorful descriptions. Ex: [The sounds swirl around her, waves of bright colour; brash scarlet, refreshing green, electric blue, exploding in a rainbow of sound.]

Good use of adjectives, despite the fact that I skimmed over them the first time. Might be careful you don't infringe on the purple prose, but this is a short piece, and you were making some point; the personification of sound is interesting.

There was a mysterious-ish feel? Ambiguous, maybe.

[right one .He ]

Typo - There should not be a space after one. The period goes immediately after it.

Oh, someone already pointed this out in a review. Yet it still remains...

[His fingers, long and thin flutter]

I think there should be a comma after thin. Long and thin is renaming the noun/subject, "his fingers."

You had a varying syntax and didn't overdo descriptions; though I think you could've done without so much physical descriptions of the man, but it might be a necessity or whatever.

The ending, straightforward and brunt, worked well in contrasting but explaining the story, while the ambiguity of everything else leaves it up to interpretation.

Good job.

- April Fools' Review, Sesshy
3/29/2009 c1 6Kalista Jia
Oh my god, it is so beautifully written. As espected from you, SuzannaR. It is lovely.

He ends the piece and stands as the audience around her erupts into applause. It sounds so loud after the peaceful stillness and she puts her hands over her ears.

The crowd gathers around him, obscuring him from her eyes. She sighs and gets up to leave. As she passes through the grand oak doors, he turns his head and catches her eyes.

He smiles and waves, his smile bright and only for her.

“See you at home.”

It just makes me awe and smile. Very beautiful short story. Love it.
3/27/2009 c1 9Mayo on toast
Hey. Congrats on winning WCC.

[He’s not particularly striking, his eyes are the common brown,]

The first comma would be better as a ;, or, at least, so it seems to me.

[touching the right one .He throws]

A simple typo, I know, but it still annoyed me so I thought I would point it out.

[head back, his eyes close; his dark eyelashes]

Comma and colon should be swapped.

[His lips parts]

Should be part instead of plural.

[since this is the source of his magic.]

I think it sounds better as they are, since there are two hands.

[long and thin flutter across]

Should have a comma after thin.

I’m sorry if you think I was picky with all that, but, truth be told, I am picky when it comes to grammar.

I love your use of imagery. You have a lot of descriptive language in there and really succeed in painting a written picture.

The piece was mysterious enough to make me think, but gave enough information that I knew what you were trying to say. I think you did perfectly in that regard; enough mystery for everyone to come to their own interpretations, but nothing too far from what you intended. Very enjoyable.

I liked the ending, and how you kept my attention until then. It removed any doubts for me about my pre-reached conclusion, and did so brilliantly.
3/27/2009 c1 13VelvetyCheerio
Hi!

Here's your depth review for WCC...hehe. :P

[Opening]: I love how you used just that short sentence. While it didn't give much in the way of detail, it was so general, it sort of brought its own image.

[Scene]: I wasn't quite sure on the part where the woman is dancing. Is she dancing in her mind or for real? And if for real, and I'm assuming this is some theater or something, why is she jumping up all over the place? I think it's funny, really. I would probably be that woman who sent her a wary glance. XD

[Characters]: I loved the female character. It's so easy, just from the sentences, to tell how much she loves the man. Despite the lack of dialogue, the feelings and thoughts in general defined the characters well.

[Pace]: It was an easy pace, not to rushed or slow. It seemed to define that one moment rather well. :D

[Ending]: Er, this kind of got me. It feels like you could continue this, but then it's like it wouldn't be a good idea to make it multi-chap. I don't know, that piece of dialogue just sort of didn't seem like it should have ended the story.

Fang.
3/21/2009 c1 36Kate Marshall
Congrats on winning the WCC; here is your prize review! ;D

The OPENING I liked. It was just a simple, clean statement that started off this short piece nicely. And obviously, it gave off the correct impression of the topic.

Your WRITING was so descriptive. So descriptive, that I think I'd faint if you didn't actually play piano. The emotions, the word choice, it all so accurately displayed the sound and the feeling. I loved it. The only thing that caught my eye in a non-sensational way was the line "His hands hover, trembling over the keys. Mozart. Her favourite." The broken end of that quote I would've liked better maybe in a separate paragraph or something. It disrupted the flowery feel of the musical descriptions. But it doesn't bother me or anything. Your use of different sentences -long and short, ect- helped the flow. So you did a wonderful job on this. ^_^

Woo, how could I not mention the ENDING? It's perhaps too fluffy for some, but just right for me. xD I like the delayed interaction between them. It made such a nice, soft climax.

As far as ENJOYMENT goes, I loved reading this because I play piano. And of course you knew that pianists were mainly the type of people who would read this. Frankly, I would've liked this probably regardless of how you wrote it, just because I like the topic. So great job with making your writing stand out, that way I like the story for more than just one reason.

And lastly, the CHARACTERS were nicely done. Particularly the pianist. I'm glad you described his physical appearance as relatively normal. I just enjoyed that while I was reading it. Because so often, in scenes like this, it's always some gorgeous angel-like person or something dramatic. ;)

Great job! I really can't find much of any critique to give for this.
3/21/2009 c1 45deefective
Writing Challenge Contest Prize!

Opening: Loved it. That one single sentence at the beginning had me hooked. The fact that you separated it from any paragraphs or even verses just made it all the more enticing to read on.

Ending: After reading this piece, the ending actually reminds me of this book I read a few weeks ago. "The Stars Shine Down" by Sidney Sheldon. If you've read it, I'm sure you could see the similarity. I liked it though. Very comforting and romantic.

Scene: The description of the scene was sufficient but not enough. I think you should have described a little bit more her surroundings as she was listening to the music and maybe the stage he was playing on also. It would've added that extra dimension to the fact that yes, she knows where she is but she is concentrating on him alone.

Characters: With a short piece such as this I think you got the basic idea of the characters across quite well. You didn't dilly-dally with unimportant facts about his or her past but concentrated on the now. Which was a good choice, because this showed the reader who they were without revealing too much of the story. It's good to have some mystery.

Relationships: The relationship between the woman and the pianist is clear that they are somehow engaged with each other, especially by that last line. Maybe a bit more detail would've been nice but you got the point across.

Writing: I really like the writing style of this piece. The present tense was a good choice and the fact that it's poetic but not overly so was a very nice touch.

Spelling/Grammar: No mistakes here. Although at this part:

"...on him touching the right one .He throws his head back..."

Just fix the punctuation mark.

Enjoyment: I really enjoyed reading this, especially because right from the beginning it grabbed my attention and more importantly because it kept it.

Plot: I can't really comment so much on the plot because the piece is so short but what there is of it, it's clear and evenly paced.

Pace: The pace was just right. I'm glad you didn't rush it and took time to describe her emotions and what she was feeling when she listened to the piano. Although, I think a little more detail would make this even better.

Other than that, I enjoyed reading this. Nicely done and congrats on winning the Writing Challenge Contest.
3/15/2009 c1 64fatbird33
hey! congratulations on winning the WCC! here's my review or you. (that rhymed:))

Nice opening sentence. it's simple, but very effective.

what fantastic descriptions!I especially liked the second paragraph and all of the colors.

i liked how you added a little humor with the woman next to her throwing her a wary glance.

"His hair is wavy and dark as a raven’s wing." i'm not a huge fan of this sentence. first it's implying that not only are raven's wings black (which is true), but that they're wavy. which i don't think is right.

what a cute last line!

i'm not a huge fan of present tense, so that kinda bothered me, but that's just a personal feeling, nothing wrong with your writing.

overall nice peice of work. it's a simple premise, but beautifully executed.

nice job!

~fatbird:)
3/10/2009 c1 13Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Well, it seems that this story is rather vague in contents here. I'll suggest you try to put in more details here. Skeleton's there, but not much of the flesh if you get what I mean. But then again, your summary said that this is a random one-shot, so I don't think I can complain that much. Apart from that, nothing much to say. And yeah, thanks for your review on Seal of Valor. On your question of when I'll update A Ranger's Tale, tbh plan is pretty much in the air. But given the fact that my exam's over, chances are I'll start on it pretty soon. ;)
3/2/2009 c1 2dragonflydreamer
Congrats on winning the Review Marathon! :D Here is your prize review:

This is a really nice piece. Even in such a short span, you created a really great tone. It had a very free feel to it, like the music, that really drew me into the mood and atmosephere of it.

There were a few times where I felt like you started too many sentences with "his." This got pretty repatitive, and also dragged your words down. Maybe try to adjust the structure of some of them.

But other than that, this was a great read! I really enjoyed your style.
2/6/2009 c1 216angels know the rest
As a pianist, I enjoyed reading this story about a fellow musician XD and I'm adding it to my favorites list. Some of the fragments, such as "Mozart. Her favourite." made the flow a little clunky, but that didn't happen more than a couple of times, and other than that your flow was fine. The imagery was quite striking, especially when you say that he looks mundane yet is not. I'm so tired of reading stories about people who might as well be models on top of playing piano amazingly/whatever they happen to do. Awesome job on this.
2/4/2009 c1 6ephemeral dance
Absolutely lovely. At first I was sure she was just admiring the pianist from afar, but a relationship is revealed at the end. It makes wonder if a relationship inspired by the music he plays is even very sincere. Regardless of that side note, this was a beautiful piece and a wonderful read.

Fantastic job!

- Sarah, from the Roadhouse.
2/3/2009 c1 Left FP
- Opening : It was very original. The sudden statement catches your attention at once.

- Ending : Was perfectly sweet. The one sentence explains the relationship and definitely brings in closure.

- Dialog : The dialog flow was perfectly alright. Nothing awkward or strained. It was, in its own way, brilliant.

- Characters : Unfortunately, I did not get much feel for the character. She was a lover of music, and he was playing it for her. You don't say much to make a clear impression on their individual characters.

- Relationships : It seems they are together solely because of the music. Music plays a key role in this story, doesn't it? The way their relation was centred around music, makes it a lovely read.

- Writing : As always, your writing was wonderful. The amount of hard work you put in, is wonderful. I enjoyed it. Good usage of words.

- Spelling/Grammar : Didn't spot any.

- Enjoyment : Definitely worth reading. The fairy-tale candor about it lends it a special charm.

- Plot : Too original, and the end took my breath away.But I was kind of hoping for more...then again, it wouldn't be a one-shot now, would it?

- Pace : No complains in this field.

- Techniques : It was executed with perfect ease. The actions were not forced, and this one-scene story is one of a kind. The technique used did a good job.
2/2/2009 c1 2abstow89
Basically, you've outlined the life of a pianist.

It's a little short, but at least the grammar was good. You managed to fully detail the scenery and the pianist himself. Also, I got this feeling that the pianist was playing for his girlfriend, fiance, wife, etc, and not the crowd.

This story could actually help someone get over the fear of playing a piano in front of crowds, which is cool. I still think it should be a tad bit longer, maybe add a few more details here and there, but it's alright.
2/2/2009 c1 1pretty colours
there was a little twist at the end, which i lurve..i also love the description, it just kept me reading..arghh now i feel ashamed that im blocking the review game forum lol! loved your story its very easy to connect with and very convincing, easy to picture, seriously the best one shot Ive read for agess!
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