for Manslaughter2/13/2009 c1 
3The True Dreamer
I really loved this! I was so dark and powerful and can most definetly be made into a story!
3The True DreamerI really loved this! I was so dark and powerful and can most definetly be made into a story!
2/5/2009 c1 14Antimatter Matters
Wow. This is powerful stuff. I'm putting it on my favourite story list!
14Antimatter MattersWow. This is powerful stuff. I'm putting it on my favourite story list!
2/3/2009 c1 9Galinda-girl
I think done right, this would make a good longer story, but everything would depend on where you start off if you post another chapter. Um, check for spelling mistakes, and my only other comment is that you should put a summary b/c it might draw more attention to what you want the reader to see. Anyways, nice job.
galinda-
9Galinda-girlI think done right, this would make a good longer story, but everything would depend on where you start off if you post another chapter. Um, check for spelling mistakes, and my only other comment is that you should put a summary b/c it might draw more attention to what you want the reader to see. Anyways, nice job.
galinda-
1/31/2009 c1 Adamson5
very dark. i love the repitition in the third to last paragraphs. this definately has the potential to become a full story. well done!
very dark. i love the repitition in the third to last paragraphs. this definately has the potential to become a full story. well done!
1/30/2009 c1 RandomSoySauceMonster
This story was awesome. I personally like reading one-shots but this definitely has the potential to become a story :)
This story was awesome. I personally like reading one-shots but this definitely has the potential to become a story :)
1/30/2009 c1 11Love2Love1Laugh
I totally love this, and i think you should make it a story. I personally loved this part, "like admitting that you are screwed up and should get chucked into a nuthouse." I think like that sometimes, which is kind of weird. Again, keep writing I'm sure it'll be great and i will totally read the next part if there is one.
11Love2Love1LaughI totally love this, and i think you should make it a story. I personally loved this part, "like admitting that you are screwed up and should get chucked into a nuthouse." I think like that sometimes, which is kind of weird. Again, keep writing I'm sure it'll be great and i will totally read the next part if there is one.
1/30/2009 c1 88multiples of six
Ooh, I like the ending a lot. I've definitely wanted to do that to people who patronize me! I think this works well as a one-shot, although it could be a story if you wanted it to be one. =)
88multiples of sixOoh, I like the ending a lot. I've definitely wanted to do that to people who patronize me! I think this works well as a one-shot, although it could be a story if you wanted it to be one. =)
1/30/2009 c1 3Holland Wilkes
I think it's great as is! I wouldn't push it into a full on story unless you have a good idea of where you want it to go, but you're talented. You could pull it off if you wanted to go that direction. Good job :)
3Holland WilkesI think it's great as is! I wouldn't push it into a full on story unless you have a good idea of where you want it to go, but you're talented. You could pull it off if you wanted to go that direction. Good job :)
1/29/2009 c1 26Elim
I really liked this. And I think it could work as a story, if you have some idea of what would happen from here. However, being something of a one-shot writer myself who doesn't always like to reveal all the background of a story - sometimes because I don't know it myself - I think there's some value in leaving the reader wondering what will happen, what happened to get things to this point.
That having been said, I think you've got an interesting character here. Certainly one who, as she says, looks at things differently, whose "mind interprets everything into something it's not." Definitely a character worth developing, if you feel some inspiration to do so. And a character I think many people, myself among them, would like to know more about.
If you decide you want to leave it as it is, I'm not going to be one of those readers who will constantly pester you for more, because I know that gets on my nerves sometimes. If you want to write more, go for it, and I'll definitely keep reading.
-Elim
26ElimI really liked this. And I think it could work as a story, if you have some idea of what would happen from here. However, being something of a one-shot writer myself who doesn't always like to reveal all the background of a story - sometimes because I don't know it myself - I think there's some value in leaving the reader wondering what will happen, what happened to get things to this point.
That having been said, I think you've got an interesting character here. Certainly one who, as she says, looks at things differently, whose "mind interprets everything into something it's not." Definitely a character worth developing, if you feel some inspiration to do so. And a character I think many people, myself among them, would like to know more about.
If you decide you want to leave it as it is, I'm not going to be one of those readers who will constantly pester you for more, because I know that gets on my nerves sometimes. If you want to write more, go for it, and I'll definitely keep reading.
-Elim
1/28/2009 c1 generically beautiful
What a great ending! I think the piece works well as a one-shot. There is just enough character development to give the reader a good sense of what's happening and why it's happening. You've also done a wonderful job letting us inside the character's head and showing us her thoughts and feelings.
*claps*
What a great ending! I think the piece works well as a one-shot. There is just enough character development to give the reader a good sense of what's happening and why it's happening. You've also done a wonderful job letting us inside the character's head and showing us her thoughts and feelings.
*claps*